OPEN LETTER TO SONY, COLUMBIA, and BEYONCE

"Damn! That was so good I want to make him some Hamburger Helper"
---Beyonce

"Hey baby when you used to Filet mignon it's kind of hard to go back to Hamburger Helper."
---Jay-Z






One of my "sources" sent me a tip that Beyonce's fans are highly upset about her latest DVD, some are even planning to petition that it be re-edited or have their money refunded. I was sent a copy of the letter they plan to send to Beyonce.



------------------------------------------------------------------
OPEN LETTER TO SONY, COLUMBIA, BEYONCE, and MATHEW!

SUBJECT: The Beyonce Experience DVD
ATTENTION: Sony Music, Beyonce, Matthew Knowles, and MusicWorld Entertainment

To whom it may concern:

There are certain physical and chemical things that happen to our bodies when we see Beyonce's male back-up dancers. It's hard to put into words. There's a tingle which starts in the back of our necks, slides down our spines, and heads around to our happy places. So you can only imgaine our joy when, during one of Beyonce's 87 costume changes, Beyonce's male dancers started pumping, and sweating, and bumping and grinding. And you can imagine our heartbreak when the camera panned away to the audience.

(sigh)

When we pay 13 dollars and 64 cents for a DVD, we don't want to see the audience. We want to see ding-a-ling! We want to see balls hanging and swinging free in that wind Beyonce uses to blow her hairpiece around. We want the camera to be so close that I count pubical* (yes, we said pubical) hairs. This is what our ticket money pays for and we are shocked and dismayed at the way the DVD was edited.

We are asking that the entire Beyonce Experience be re-shot with the appropriate amount of penis added. In the future we would like to see Beyonce have all-male all-nude dancers. As a matter of fact we wouldn't mind an all-male all-nude band also. Other than that we greatly enjoyed the Beyonce Experience. Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Beyonce Stans Worldwide

P.S. Please send me Cliff and Anthony's home addresses. I want to send them some shortsets for Christmas.

----------------------------------------------------------




Well...I guess you can't please everybody. I personally I enjoyed the DVD. I don't want to oversell or overhype it just because it's Beyonce but the Beyonce Experience is pretty much the greatest thing I've ever seen or heard and if you don't like it you're a stinky hater!

One of my favorite part of the shows was before Suga Mama when she said: "Damn! That was so good I want to make him some Hamburger Helper". Beyonce...you are a comedic genius!

How do you come up with this stuff?

Here are my other favorite Beyonce lines:

"Damn! That was so good I want to buy him some Popeyes"
"Damn! That hurt so bad, I think I need some Hamburger Helper' (following her infamous fall in Orlando, FL)
"Damn! That was so good I want to give him gas money."
"Damn! That was so good I might make him some pancakes."
"Damn! That was so good I might make him some neckbones."
"Damn! That was so good I might make him some pig feet"
"Damn! That was so good I might make him some potato salad."
"Damn! That was so good I want to buy him a PlayStation 3."
"Damn! That was so good I can't even walk to the bathroom."
"Damn That was so good I might let him see me without my wig."
"Damn! That was so good I can't feel my legs."
"Damn! That was so good I feel like speaking in tongues."
"Damn! That was so good I see dead people!"
"Damn! That was so good I can't even pee straight."
"Damn! That was so good I think he put a dent in my birth canal."
"Damn! That was so good I might let him hit it raw next time."
"Damn! That was so good I might let him get me pregnant and I won't even ask for child support."


Read Users' Comments ( 13 )