2008 Grammy Awards to be Cancelled; Replaced with An Evening With the Knowles Family


LOS ANGELES - It was announced today the the 2008 Grammy Awards will be cancelled because no big-names other than Beyonce have agreed to perform due to the writers' strike. A source close to the show says: "It is impossible to have an awards show honoring the best and brightest in music when the best and brightest don't show up, so the Grammy Awards have been cancelled this year." Despite the cancellation, CBS will replace the Grammy telecast with "An Evening With the Knowles Family starring Worldwide Pop Icon Megastar Beyonce" The 3-hour special will feature performances by members of the America's most talented family.

Matthew Knowles, manager/father of Beyonce says: "Beyonce is without a doubt the greatest star in the history of life, she's a great singer, dancer, and actress, and when she was touring third world countries sick children were healed after they touched her wig. This show is great opportunity for the world to get to know Beyonce and her family on a personal level and I feel like everyone around the world should have the chance to know her, embrace her, smell her, honor her and treat her like the goddess that she is. Beyonce supports the Grammy organization 100% and doesn't expect to get a Grammy just for showing up. However, if the Grammy people see fit to give her the Grammys she was nominated for (and some that she isn't nominated for) she will gladly accept them and act surprised."

Beyonce and her family are currently in rehearsal for the special which promises to be memorable night of music and entertainment.

The program will go as followed:


8:00PM-8:05PM - Beyonce opens the show with Crazy In Love.

8:05PM -8:10PM - (costume and hair change) Beyonce performs Get Me Bodied with all 167 dances including the "Pat Your Weave", "Do the Uh-Oh", "Do An Old-School Dance", "Put your Tampon In", etc.

8:10PM-8:40PM - Instead of using this time to promote her album Kelly Rowland spends 30 minutes talking about how great Beyonce's asscrack smells.

8:50-9:00PM - Mama Tina gives glory to the Lord by doing a praise dance to the music of Soulja Boy (let the church say Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!)

9:00PM-9:10PM - Matthew does a tribute to the many facial expressions of Beyonce including "The confused Dreamgirls look", "The confused interview look", and "The confused awards show acceptance speech look, and the "Destiny's Child/Kelly/Farrah 'Did I say that you could talk?' evil look."

9:10PM - 9:15PM- Beyonce pays tribute to her younger sister Solange by singing "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better".

9:15PM - 9:25PM - Get ready to throw your panties at the television screen as Baby Daniel slows it down for all the ladies in the house with his medley of sexy songs. He'll open his set with R. Kelly's "Your Body's Calling" and you'll want to put your Tivos on record when he tears down the house with Bobby Brown's "Tender Roni"

9:25PM - 10:55PM - Beyonce performs Dangerously In Love.

10:55PM-11:00PM - The entire Knowles family returns and sings "Family" from the Dreamgirls soundtrack.

"An Evening With the Knowles Family starring Worldwide Pop Icon Megastar Beyonce" is sponsored by Dereon, House of Dereon, Dereon Infant, Dereon Girls, Dereon Chunky, Samsung, Sprint, American Express, L'Oreal, and Armani Diamonds.



------------------------------------------------------------------------

(sigh) I was enjoying my break from Beyonce and frankly I was proud of her.

But oh well...

And she may not even know that she's performing at the Grammys. This may be like in Dreamgirls where Deena didn't know she was doing Cleopatra until she saw the commercial. I know how Curtis Matthew gets down. Beyonce has stated in interviews in the past Matthew has booked her on award shows without asking her, then she had to show up to avoid looking unprofessional. The last straw was when she was booked for the 2004 Soul Train Awards and didn't want to go, and Matthew said she had to go, then she said "No the fuck I don't have to go" and then came after him with a hot comb.

Ok, that never happened, but all I'm saying is it will be 12 different kinds of fucked up if Beyonce is somehere in a Jay-Z-induced dick coma and then wakes up on Grammy day and has to throw together a performance because nobody told her that she was performing.


21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious....good work...That Soulja boy comment...YOOOOUUUUUU!

Anonymous said...

9:25PM - 10:55PM - Beyonce performs Dangerously In Love.

this bit killed me

Anonymous said...

You are re-TAHDED! Julez doing "tender roni"...LMAO.

Anonymous said...

we want the board back!

Anonymous said...

we want the board back!

cucu said...

yes, we want the board back

Chef said...

OMG THAT SHIT WAS FUNNY.
DAMN U WENT AT EVEYBODY AND I LOVED IT.

BFan said...

LOL "PUT UR TAMPON IN" THIS STORY IS TOO FUNNY. BUT IM MAD SHE AINT GONNA PERFORM FREAKUM DRESS.

Don't Hate Me said...

Hey 0904. I hope you remember me. I miss the forum so much...

But I'm so happy you've been updating The Itis. I feel you on this post. I know the last time I was hanging with Solange, y'know at our shift in the wig crypt, and Beyoncé was upstairs arguing with Matthew about performing with Destiny Child's and Solange at the "goddamn BET Awards" as Beyoncé called it. All you could hear were dishes breaking (no Rihanna) and the repeating of the phrase "the goddamn BET Awards". I've since resigned from working in the wig crypt although I'm willing to re-employ.

Anonymous said...

Jay-Z induced dick coma HMMMM
Can anyone sign up for that?

GYP said...

U GUYS R FUNNY LOL
THIS 1 IS GOOD THOUGH

Marquies said...

I just wanted to let you know that I ran up on this site for the first time a few weeks ago and this is the most halarious site Ive ever been to I did nothing but LMFAO u deff need to keep this site goin' and update more often this is one of my new site favorites! Keep Up The GREAT Work

Don't Hate Me said...

Hey 0904, just checking back in...

What about my body body?

You know what I'm talmbout

Bring back the boards. Or I'm sending Lil' Rock to Solange's house and he ain't coming alone this time, Monica just had another lil' boy so now he got a crew forming.

Don't hate me...

Hate sexual reproduction.

J said...

*LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

That shit had me in tears! God, damn.

DEEZEE said...

^^ Was it that funny that you had to curse God's name? Sheeesh, anyways LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
http://triplerdeezee.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Love this site. funny as hell.

Dani said...

lol you are amazing! so glad you're updating the Itis. but i, personally, co-sign with Anonymous-- I need to know if anyone can sign up for the Jay-Z dick-induced coma. *finds the line and snatches wigs back to get in front* yes. lawd!

Anonymous said...

the funniest part was kelly, instead of promoting her new album shes going to tell the world how good beyonce's asscrack smells...LMFAO!!!!

Anonymous said...

i love beyonce and everything but i gotta admit this was funny, especially the part about her singing dangerously in love for an hour...lol

yes said...

lmao!! yall crazy as hell

StevenB said...

HILARIOUS!!! The closing remark was just the icing on da cake to a wonderful blog post.