I'm going through Beyonce withdrawals. I haven't seen any new pictures of Beyonce in over a month, but we have less than two days until her much, much, much, much, much, much-anticipated performance at the Grammys with Tina Turner and we can give you EXCLUSIVE news about the rehearsals.

First of all rehearsals for Beyonce and Tina Turner are CLOSED which means no media, no news cameras are allowed but I have sources inside the Grammys that gave me the following info:

Beyonce and Tina have been rehearsing for weeks and have gotten along great but there have been a few glitches during rehearsals.

Problems began while Beyonce and Tina were doing a run-through of "Get Me Bodied" Tina dropped down low and swept the floor with it and couldn't get back up. Rehearsals were cancelled for a few days while she recovered, but things got back on track.

Also there was nearly a fistfight between Tina Turner and Tina Knowles (Beyonce's mother/stylist/smoking partner) The trouble began when during rehearsals for their rendition of "Freakum Dress" Beyonce's mother Tina design brand new lepoard-print,
spandex mini-dresses with sewn-in possum-skin thigh-high boots (with rhinestones and glitter to give it that extra Tina Knowles flair).

To understand what happened next you most understand two very inportant things about Tina Turner:

1. She doesn't get on the internet or blogs like we do so she is not familiar with the unique styles of Miss Tina Knowles.

2. She was raised on a farm.

So when Tina Knowles handed her that dress, she didn't know what the hell it was, so her first instinct was to shoot it. For all she knew it was going to bite her (Tina Knowles' designs have been known to attack)

Tina Knowles didn't appreciate Tina Turner shooting the dress it took her 8 hours to make (and she personally skinned the possum herself) so Beyonce to step in between the two because Tina Knowles is nothing to play with, and Tina Turner knows what a good ass-whooping feels like and knows how to defend herself so she's nothing to play with either.

Other than those minor setbacks the two have gotten along great. Tina Turner loves Beyonce like Beyonce loves poultry, and the two are guaranteed to give you a show that you will LOVE(or spend a week bitching about on blogs and message boards)

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While we wait for Beyonce and Tina's performance here are some comparison and contrasts between the two divas:

B'DAYS

-Anna Mae Bullock: November 26, 1939 in Nutbush, Tennessee

-Beyonce Giselle Knowles: Born September 4, 1981 in Houston, Texas


WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT:

-Tina met Ike Turner in St. Louis during one of his performances. Ike offered Tina a chance to record and perform with him.

-Beyonce met Jay-Z at a club in Houston. This was Jay's first time in a club in 15 wears so he wore powder blue Easter Suit with no drawerz on underneath. Jay offered to spend his whole social security check on Beyonce and put her on a plate and sop her up with a biscuit.

I AM NOT MY HAIR

-Tina began wearing wigs after a hair salon mishap caused her to lose most of her hair.

-Beyonce has been wearing wigs since birth. She hasn't seen her scalp since she was 5.

FAMOUS LINES

Tina Sang: "Whats love got to do, got to do with it/What`s love but a second hand emotion/Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken."

Translation: Love means nothing unless both people are willing to put in the effort to make it work.


Beyonce Sang: "Tell me what you think about me/I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings/Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely When it's all over please get up and leave."

Translation: I am woman who is financially stable enough to buy myself items of luxury. I don't need a male to buy them. All I want you to do is dick me up and then go home.

Tina Sang: "Big Wheels keep on turning/Proud Mary keeps on burnin'"

Translantion: I have no idea what this song means. I think Proud Mary keeps on burnin' means "Mary" is smoking weed and big wheels means she's in a Cadillac and threw some D's on that bitch.

Beyonce sang: "If you want my body come get me bodied."

Translation: I think that's pretty self-explanatory.

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Also if Beyonce decides to walk the red carpet, she will run into trouble. A couple of her R&B female peers are OUTRAGED that she has been asked to perform despite that fact that she has no new material to promote and is nominated for a song released almost 2 years ago.

Dozens of lesser-known R&B female artists who haven't been to an award show since the 1999 Lady of Soul Awards, will be protesting outside the Grammys all weekend.

"Beyonce is great, but there are other R&B female artists out there and I'm just trying to get my album released." says Amerie.

"I'm just trying to get my single released." said Mya.

"I'm just trying to get my phone cut back on." said Ashanti.

The protestors were interrupted when Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams came outside and told the protestors to move out of the street so that they could park limos for the Grammy Award ceremony.

Hopefully things will work out before the show...

Also I just want to say a lot of times Beyonce fans are cocky and assume that she's going to kill every performance. And most times she does, but she has her bad days just like everyone else so this Sunday while you're at New Rising Star Baptist Church, or New Rising Hope Baptist Church, or New Morning Breeze Baptist Church, or New Weeping Widow Baptist Church or wherever you worship your God, please take a moment and pray for Beyonce and that she does well during her performance and ask Jesus to annoint her wig and her freakum dress with power and stregnth to give an amazing performance. Amen


21 comments:

Don't Hate Me said...

Girl! I'ma be at Bedside Baptist Municipal Church of Jesus Christ of New Bethlehem's and I'ma be sure to put her at the TOP of my prayer list. I was gone pray for Sister Roswell but hey she can always get that new heart next week.

I spoke with Solange yesterday. She said she was excited about being at the Grammys with her big sister... AGAIN. She's also excited because this year the Grammy people are letting her pass out hotdogs and bags of popcorns during the show.

Kelly stans don't fret... Kizzy'll be checking tickets at the door equipped with some mace and a flashlight.

hitmewithhisluv said...

^^^^LMAO

Breaking Dishes said...

ROTFLMAO @ this ENTIRE Thread

This is Classic!!!

Anonymous said...

This site is hilarous!!

I love Bey but I love Ashanti more and I still find this shit funny!!

It's just comedy!!

G said...

ROTFLMAO

CHEF said...

ROTFLMAO AT "don't hate me". u 2 funny.
AND YEAH THE WHOLE THREAD WAS HILARIOUS. DAMN I ALMOST PISSED MY PANTS........HOLD ON.......DAMN LET ME GO TAKE A SHOWER.LOL

Anonymous said...

"AMEN"... as usual, funny as hell.

srewolf said...

pls, bring the board back!!!

Don't Hate Me said...

SREWOLF!!!!

It's been a long time since I done seent (yes seent) you.

0904... do we have to make picket signs and set up protests outside the wig crypt's door? Bring back the forum!

Ratchet-chan said...

^yes, please bring back the forum :( please? pretty please with sequins and honey-brown lacefront on top~

QD said...

i would love to see the people behind this blog

it is by far the FUNNIEST -ish i've read in a LONG time

please keep up the good work

Don't Hate Me said...

RATCHET-CHAN!!!!

I ain't seent (yes seent) you in Ion't know how long.

I'ma FedEx you a premium deluxe root box just cause you my ace boon coon.

And will somebody tell me why they won't approve my account over at BWBoards?

jaysky_27 said...

we want the forum back!!!

bobo said...

lol @ tina turner smoking weed and driving a cadillac

Don't Hate Me said...

JAYSKY!!!!!!

*catches the Holy Spirit and performs the breakdown to Get Me Bodied*

Jaysky_27 said...

Dont Hate Me!!!

Yay! Miss u so much!!! Miss the old days! U and 0904 always makes my day, too bad Ashanti and Janet stans are great hackers so I doubt the board will be back, but the Amerie board is always open and waiting for some posts!lol

floacist said...

Jaysky_27

What the hell are you talking about??? Janet stans didn't (and have never) hack anything. I'm a stanet and I love the board.

jaysky_27 said...

@floacist

not every stans thinks the same (most dont think at all)

Anonymous said...

So when Tina Knowles handed her that dress, she didn't know what the hell it was, so her first instinct was to shoot it. For all she knew it was going to bite her (Tina Knowles' designs have been known to attack)

*passes out*

StevenB said...

Oh my goddness...GURL!!! You are too much and half and i just love it! the last paragraph made me fall out laughing...shit I think I peed a little....praise his name...

Anonymous said...

u are too much lol "im tryna get my phone cut bak on"