BEYONCEITIS - 1 Year Later

Over a year has passed since Beyonceitis started and your album still hasn't come out. Hahaha.

This week we are celebrating the one-year anniversary of Beyonceitis. We have a plethora (yep, plethora) of events including the "Let Me Hold Something" World Tour sponsored by Beyonceitis.com featuring Kelly Rowland and Ashanti with special guest Christina Milian and Mya. Also for one week only we will be offering 40% on all used wigs and hairpieces (discount does not apply to wigs from the Dreamgirls Collection). Also, in honor of this special occasion, I'm going to do something I've never done in the history of this blog. I'm going to make a new post everyday this week (yep, I'm scared too). Today we will also be revisiting some Beyonceitis victims from 2007 and see what progress they've made in 2008.

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VICTIM: Janet Jackson

How It all came together: Feedback became her highest charting song on the Hot 100 in 7 years and her album debuted at #1 on the charts, making her the only African American female artist to have #1 albums in the 80's, 90's, and 00's.

How it all fell apart: There was a little confusion as to what the 2nd single should be and the label just stopped supporting the project.

How She's Trying to Fix It: She's taking her show on the road with the "Rock Withcu Tour" (I got my tickets, well I'm going to get them. Does Ticketmaster accept food stamp cards?) and ticket sales are going well. Despite all the record industry politics Janet is still a first class performer who can probably out perform most chicks half her age. She also has a MTV reality show, a lingerie line, a weight loss book, plus her and Jermaine are selling fried chicken plates, and will be braiding hair, and running a day care center out of their house during the weekends (the tour stage and wigs don't pay for themselves.)

Highlight of her year: When Beyonce shouted her out during her Black History Speech at the Grammys, which is about as close as Janet can get to performing on the Grammys these days.

What Her Fans Need To Do: Realize this is not 1988, hell it's not even 1998. She doesn't have the mainstream status she once has. She has reached the point that most veteran performers reach when their music stops having the same effect on the general public. Her fans need to leave the "hottest chick" shit to Beyonce and appreciate Janet for the legend she is and just be glad that she can tour and have a #1 album 26 years into the music game. . Stop going to Ticketmaster and Billboard every 5 seconds trying to track single and ticket sales, leave the numbers to the ACTUAL professionals and appreciate what she IS doing not what she could be doing.

Why We Should Stop Hating: Very few artists can say they had #1 albums in the 1980's, 1990's, and 2000's and I think her upcoming tour will remind us why she has been able to last this long.

2007 Status: Critical

2008 Status: Stable

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VICTIM: Amerie

How It All Came Together: Her third album "Because I Love It" was released to great reviews...

How it all fell apart: ...but it wasn't released in the U.S, where as Beyonce released an album a week for 3 months in 2007. Soon after the fuckery surrounding "Because I Love It" Amerie left Sony/BMG.

How She's Trying to Fix It: She is now signed to Island Def Jam, home to Mariah, Rhianna, and Janet, so it will be interesting to see how high she is on their list of priorities.

What her fans need to do: Start a petition or something... shit... I don't know.

Why We Should Stop Hating: Say what you want about her live vocals, Amerie has always taken musical risks by working with new talent. Her last album was filled with great tracks with little known producers.

2007 Status: Fair

2008 Status: Critical

Highlight of her Year: Wasn't she in a video with Chingy? Nevermind.
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VICTIM: Kelly Rowland

How It all came together: Beyonce got her a slot performing on the BET Awards, and her album debuted at a respectable #2.

How it all fell apart: Most people didn't really want to "bump like this" and with no strong 2nd single release, Ms. Kelly sold less than 200,000 before it fell off the charts.

How's She's Trying to Fix It: Miss Kelly Diva Deluxe... if I didn't want it the first time what makes you think... nevermind.

What her fans need to do: At this point the best we can do is pray.

Why we should stop hating: The records sales might be low, but you must admit Kelly has really come into her own as a performer. She has gained confidence on stage and off. She's not as intimidated by Beyonce's side eye as she used to be, and when she gets out of line and Beyonce raises her hand to slap her she doesn't even flinch anymore. You go Miss Kelly.

Highlight of her Year: Paying her Sprint bill on time.

2007 Status: Fair

2008 Status: What do you want us to do with the body?

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VICTIM: Rhianna

How It all came together: 4 Top 10 singles including 2 #1s on the Hot 100. 3 albums released in 2 and a half years.

How it all fell apart: No real problems this year... but us Beyonce stans are still hopeful...

How's She's Trying to Fix It: There's not a lot to fix. She's doing well. Rhianna is very good at creating hits without being the best singer or without having a lot of innate music talent. She's not the best entertainer. On stage she has the personality (and range) of a dial tone. She looks bored on stage and is very boring to watch, as if there are other things that she would rather be doing. She's not that interesting aside from on CD or in music videos but she looks great and she has enough of an image to market and attract a fans who want a slightly edgier alternative to Beyonce. Her fan base cares enough to buy singles but clearly not enough to buy albums or concert tickets which is why it took GGGB a while to go platinum and which is why She was relegated to opening for Kanye in the United States.

What her fans need to do: Realize that the hair dye will wash out and eventually her numerous shortcomings will catch up with her.

Why We Should Stop Hating: A lot of people say she's just a singles artist but the truth is those hit singles had to have come from a good album. I'm done with hating on Rhianna (ok...not really) because there's more than one way to be successful. If you wanna take the Beyonce road to success and work hard for 20 years, pay your dues, performing nonstop and become a megastar by being a great singer and entertainer that's fine. If you wanna take the Rhianna road to becoming famous by only performing in ONE talent show then being co-signed by Jay-z and then make a career by standing in one spot on stage for 2 hours swinging a damn umbrella, that's fine too. There's more than one road to success and only time will tell who's still here in the end.

2007 Status: Good

2008 Status: Great

Highlight of her year: Winning one Grammy. One lonely Grammy. One single, dusty Grammy that Jay probably uses as an ashtray.

Additional Reading: http://www.thetimes.co.za/PrintEdition/Magazine/Article.aspx?id=796963

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VICTIM: Ashanti

How it all came together: After releasing 397 different "first singles" to little response her song "The Way That I Love You" got a decent amount of airplay and video rotation and became her highest charting song on the Hot 100 in 4 years.

How it all fell apart: The very "Ring The Alarm"-ish video and marketing campaign behind "The Way That I Love You" backfired, and several black leaders condemned her for glorfying violence. Aside from that "The Way That I Love You", was not enough to move record buyers. Her album debuted at #6 on the charts.

How's She's Trying to Fix It: Her record label are moving ahead with her next single "Good Good", which a lot of people like but to me sounds like something Mariah rejected for E=MC². The video is cute. She looks nice and it's good to see her and Nelly together. (although looks like Ashanti shopped at a "Green Light" and "Check on It" garage sale).

Highlight of her year: A #2 single on the R&B charts and being allowed on the stage twice at the BET Awards (they could have at least let her perform on the red carpet...I mean... really...)

What her fans need to do: Appreciate her career for what it is, not for what it used to be.

Why We Should Stop Hating: This is a common misconception. A lot of people say we "hate" on Ashanti, but in order to be hated on you must doing something worth the hate. People aren't hating... their just kicking her while she's down...lol. Stop it. Buy the album!

Our Advice: She took our advice and hosted 106 and Park for a day. If "Good, Good" is a "Flop Flop" She should roll with that... If Terrence starts poppin off at the mouth she won't walk off the set like Rocsi... she'll just laugh for 20 minutes and tell him that he's bananas. If she wants to revive her music career she should take it back to 2002 when all of her songs had the word "baby" in it and during all of her performances she rubbed that greasy ass weave of hers 48 times a minute... those were the days...

2007 Status: SEVERE

2008 Status: Critical
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20 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love your blogs....I swear I do. They are funny as hell. You are always on point in describing the artist....BEYONCE FAN 4 LIFE.

Anonymous said...

Shit I am a fan of all the ladies except Rihanna and I still get a kick out of this blog..

Honestly I'm probably the biggest Ashanti fan out there..but funny is funny.

I am secretly waiting for Bey to comeback and kick Rihanna's ass..enough is enough already.

Anonymous said...

this site is the best site created,i'm new but i have read all the post and i love it.beyonce is the only artist i like because i can't afford to like others.i also can't wait until she come back on nevember 28 and end rihanna no talentass 10 minutes of fame.

Vanz said...

Jay Z uses Rihanna's grammy as an ashtray? Goodness... I missed this damn site....

Anonymous said...

i never leave comments anywhere, but is swear you have the funniest blog i've ever read.

ratchet-chan said...

Mariah Carey needs to be diagnosed. Her voice is gone, B'Day went platinum more than twice as fast as her shit-fest of an album, and she just HAD to get married after Beyoncé did it. Give her another year and we can stick that fork in Mooriah.

Anonymous said...

hahahahaha. funny as hell! Love this site. and i haven't bought any of the other albums this year because I’m saving my money for next year. We all know next year bee will come out with 47 albums, DVDs, phones, perfumes, films, house of dreon furniture... ( i got save for all of this shit)

Lil' Creole Pimp said...

THAT'S A DAMN LIE.

I use Rihanna's Grammy as an ashtray... NOT Jay.

Chef said...

Damn...Sad that all those ladies albums came out AFTER Beyonce went on her little movie making thing that she's doing now.
Hmmmmm...Sounds like those ladies r scared 2 go against the Queen.
They need 2 grow some balls like Ciara (no pun intended) and actually come out with an album or single the sametime as Beyonce.
But whatever, I dont like half them hoes anyway.

soulwriter said...

Has Rihanna recovered yet from the colossal beatdown she recevied by the Wig Crypt Crew after the Grammy in Feb? That might be why she's so catatonic on stage. Might need another catscan peeps...

LOVE the site, gotta have it, glad you're back, holla!!!

motorbike said...

you forgot to mention solange. she's had a great year. a #1 song on numerous irrelevant billboard charts and the revenue from her hot dog stand is up 25%. pretty good considering the economy now-a-days...

Anonymous said...

Why We Should Stop Hating: This is a common misconception. A lot of people say we "hate" on Ashanti, but in order to be hated on you must doing something worth the hate. People aren't hating... their just kicking her while she's down...lol. Stop it. Buy the album!

ROTFLMAO! That was TOO hilarious. That was about the funniest thing I read today!

n0days0ff said...

my favorite site.5ton4head has 3 months to get her thing together.good luck

[ ♥ ] said...

i needed my laugh and i got it...lmaooo

rihanna sucks said...

LOLOL!!! Your wit is untouchable!!!

Anonymous said...

Ladies and gentleman we have a mariah hardcore hater in the house . Ratchet chan you must leave the comment section pack your belongings and go home...

Melissa said...

lol, and Bee is still on top after a year and not even doin anything. You gotta love it!

keikei said...

i was checking this video out of rihanna and beyonce the other day.....i think yall should check it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tP1HRlDsf44

Anonymous said...

If Amerie was critical she wouldn't have gotten such a sweet deal and She prolly made more tax free money overseas promoting than beyonce this year.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget that the dollar is weak compared to Europe people.