Mama Tina sent us the following email:



Dear Wig Crypt,

I was at the Creole Compound kicking it with Keyshia Cole's mom' Frankie. I've been on house arrest for the past 3 months because of my fight with Jay's mom at Bey and Jay's wedding after she called my first born a "baldheaded golddigger" (then me and her stepped out into the parking lot and the wigs came off and the pistols came out). I guess the judge wanted to make an example out of me but I'll do this little bit a time. House arrest ain't a thing. I've already taken a glue gun and a bedazzler to my house arrest ankle bracelet and next month Dereon will be introducing a new line of house arrest bracelets that are bejeweled, bedazzled, and befeathered.

So anyway me and Frankie were were havin our rum and Dr. Pepper, and pickeled pig feet and browsing YouTube and we came across this video:



We were so just shocked by what we saw. I come from a different time of child raising and I would have handled this situation a little differently. Let me tell you how I deal with my children.

Solange left Baby Daniel with me so she could go to Los Angeles to present and park cars at the BET Awards. She said she was coming back Thursday. Didn't see her until Sunday, so when I finally saw her "I Decided" to drop kick her ass. That's what REALLY happened to her foot.

Last year Beyonce was in China for a concert and thought about hitting me, she didn't want to hit me, the thought just crossed her mind. I flew 13 hours to knock her teeth out just for thinking that and was back home in time to watch the Golden Girls. Another time Beyonce was on stage and hit a high note while looking at me and I thought she was yelling at me, so I clocked her in the head with my shoe. I don't play that. Fuck a 10-time Grammy winner. I'll take one of those Grammys and bust you upside the head with it.

But that's just me.

What do you think?

--- Mama Tina



(Beyonceitis.com is satirical, and the above article is false. We here at Wig Crypt have nothing but love and respect for Miss Tina Knowles, and wish not to be "mysteriously" shut down.)


18 comments:

n0days0ff said...

oh shit no more 9 months in between posts? this is almost a real blog lol.keep up the good work

LUVVIE said...

LMAO! I cackled at this.

Lil' Creole Pimp/Baby Daniel said...

"Beyonceitis.com is satirical, and the above article is false. We here at Wig Crypt have nothing but love and respect for Miss Tina Knowles, and wish not to be "mysteriously" shut down."

I know the feeling.

Marquies said...

Thanks for updating more frequently this site truly brings a smile to my face. You are halarious keep up the good work

JT Smith said...

Ahh.. Update the full site, I mean ASHANTI's state after Deceleration of Independence flopped (or whatever it was called), Keyshia Cole being able to get down only because Bee wasn't at the BET Awards, and many others.. also Mariah & Janet's current album state. USHER has beyonceitis too =x You gotta update us lol both with the site & blog..maybe you should do wordpress &incorporate it in... reply to this if you need help =D

S A V V Y Fatty!...uhhh...DUH! said...

I don't blame Mama T.
I woulda knocked Solozenge into a Hadley Street Nightmare, too, if she woulda left me with that lil' lightskindid leprechaun all dayum weekend.
I have always taken Tin' for a punk in her animal prints, Mustafa wig, and Wet & Wild Ruby lipstick, but now I see she's a gangsta's GAINGSTUH!

Beyonceitis said...

JT Smith said...
Ahh.. Update the full site, I mean ASHANTI's state after Deceleration of Independence flopped (or whatever it was called), Keyshia Cole being able to get down only because Bee wasn't at the BET Awards, and many others.. also Mariah & Janet's current album state. USHER has beyonceitis too =x You gotta update us lol both with the site & blog..maybe you should do wordpress &incorporate it in... reply to this if you need help =D
----------------------------

Thanks for the tip man. I was thinking about doing a Beyonceitis 1 Year Later update, and I'm trying to find a way to bedazzle the blog layout. If you have any suggestions I'd appreciate it.

bee fan said...

OMG this is the funniest blog EVER!!!! I love this site

Mika said...

befeathered may the funniest word i've heard in a while

CHEF said...

HAD ME ROLLIN ONCE AGAIN!
I DONT BLAME U MAMA TINA, THEY BETTA RECOGNIZE WHO THEY FUCKIN WIT!
>
@ SAVVY
U WRONG 4 LIGHTSKINDED LEPRACHAN.
OH SO WRONG!

Lil' Creole Pimp Formerly Known As Baby Daniel said...

@ Savvy

I'ma beat yo' pissy pidgeon ass up when I see you.

JT Smith said...

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=314678311

LMAO CHECK OUT THIS MYSPACE PAGE (look at the about me section & top friends & dumb ass beyonce stans who are falling for it -- you gotta do a blog on it & lmaoo i saw it & immmediately thought about your site)

Anonymous said...

You really need to update your entries on Ashanti, Janet, Mariah, and Usher. And also Rihanna. This site is hilarious. Keep doing your thing.

Anonymous said...

LOL SHE KICKED HER ASS FOR JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!

DreamWriter said...

"Update the full site, I mean ASHANTI's state after Deceleration of Independence flopped (or whatever it was called), Keyshia Cole being able to get down only because Bee wasn't at the BET Awards, and many others.. also Mariah & Janet's current album state. USHER has beyonceitis too"

I'm looking forward to that already. Poor Usher has been her ally three times now, but the Beyonceitis got to him too...maybe because he chose Tameka instead of Beyonce. If Jay-Z leaves, it'll get him too.

skinnyblackgirl said...

LMAO!!! Another hilarious post!!

Not she flew 13 hours cuz B thought about hitting her!!

soulwriter said...

Mama Tina is GANGSTA with hers, dayum!!! Baby Daniel is watching and waiting in the wings, watch out!!!

Anonymous said...

lmfao