Dear Wig Crypt,
I was at the Creole Compound kicking it with Keyshia Cole's mom' Frankie. I've been on house arrest for the past 3 months because of my fight with Jay's mom at Bey and Jay's wedding after she called my first born a "baldheaded golddigger" (then me and her stepped out into the parking lot and the wigs came off and the pistols came out). I guess the judge wanted to make an example out of me but I'll do this little bit a time. House arrest ain't a thing. I've already taken a glue gun and a bedazzler to my house arrest ankle bracelet and next month Dereon will be introducing a new line of house arrest bracelets that are bejeweled, bedazzled, and befeathered.
So anyway me and Frankie were were havin our rum and Dr. Pepper, and pickeled pig feet and browsing YouTube and we came across this video:
We were so just shocked by what we saw. I come from a different time of child raising and I would have handled this situation a little differently. Let me tell you how I deal with my children.
Solange left Baby Daniel with me so she could go to Los Angeles to present and park cars at the BET Awards. She said she was coming back Thursday. Didn't see her until Sunday, so when I finally saw her "I Decided" to drop kick her ass. That's what REALLY happened to her foot.
Last year Beyonce was in China for a concert and thought about hitting me, she didn't want to hit me, the thought just crossed her mind. I flew 13 hours to knock her teeth out just for thinking that and was back home in time to watch the Golden Girls. Another time Beyonce was on stage and hit a high note while looking at me and I thought she was yelling at me, so I clocked her in the head with my shoe. I don't play that. Fuck a 10-time Grammy winner. I'll take one of those Grammys and bust you upside the head with it.
But that's just me.
What do you think?
--- Mama Tina
(Beyonceitis.com is satirical, and the above article is false. We here at Wig Crypt have nothing but love and respect for Miss Tina Knowles, and wish not to be "mysteriously" shut down.)