ARTIST PROMO WEEK -- THE GRAND FINALE

Here are 4 more artists who need your money.


1. BRANDY



Ok, she hasn't been relevant since TLC was chasing waterfalls, but you USED to stan for her. She was the first multimedia teen queen (music, movies, tv, merchandise all at the same time) and if we can give Britney a 2nd chance we can give Brandy a 2nd chance. Plus we owe her for under-appreciating 'Afrodisiac'. Here's her new single.


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2. KERI HILSON



She's pretty, she can't really be compared to anyone else, and she writes...she actually writes! She's written for Britney, Usher, Ciara, and Jennifer Lopez, among other artists. Her album is scheduled to be released September 23, 2008, which in Beyonceitis years means it will be in stores March 19, 2027. Hopefully her record label will promote her correctly.Here's her video "Energy".

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3. TINA KNOWLES


Yes. You heard it here first. Miss Tina is in the lab working on her debut album set to be released Spring 2009. The album will be a mix of hip-hop and R&B that will have Miss Tina singing and rapping.







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4. SOLANGE



She was a little different. She didn't do what the fast girls do.









Oh word?

I make fun of Solange. I talk about her never being able to leave the wig crypt and having to spend her Friday nights combing the knots out of Beyonce's hair pieces, and I talk about her 1983 Honda Civic with the oil leak and the trash bags where the windows used to be. But in all seriousness it takes a lot of courage to even try to have a career when your sister is the biggest star in the world. And It takes a lot of courage for her to step from behind Beyonce's shadow and to step from behind the counter at Taco Bell and make the kind of music she wants to make. I got my $9.99 ready to buy her album. And you should too!


52 comments:

Jaska said...

I'm through with you!!!! I can't take this shit. Not tonight. You better leave Solange alone before writes a song about you. You know she got too much 'I don't give a what' in her cup.

Anonymous said...

LOL!!!

What about Michelle Williams?! She's trying too...and I'm feeling that Brandy song, that Keri Song..and that Miss Tina record is just too damn much!! You are a mess!

BaltimoreCreole said...

"Razor under my Wig" got a #1 debut all over it especially when the remix drops with Keke Wyatt, Keri is great....her promotion is lacking though. I can't wait to Crank that Wig Crypt!

kt said...

I thought this post had reached its peak with "Freakum Girdle" but then I got to the part about Solange.

This blog gets better and better and better.

Checkbook mama said...

this time you killed it!
the tracklist of crank that wig crypt got me lyin on the floor, prayin to God to give me air to breath so I can keep on laughing XD

waitin for her sophomore!!!!!

Checkbook mama said...

this time you killed it!
the tracklist of crank that wig crypt got me lyin on the floor, prayin to God to give me air to breath so I can keep on laughing XD

waitin for her sophomore!!!!!

Anonymous said...

lmao

"you ain't my mama" feat. kelly rowland
"menthol and metamucil nightcap"

oh im gonna be crankin that Solo along with that Wig Crypt when it drops!!

Anonymous said...

love, love. love this site. seriously, this is the funniest thing on the net. can't wait for the remix of guess what's in my purse featuring frankie.

Love in the Tub said...

all i need is two bitches lmao.

umm wanna get relevant?

WHERE IS CHRISTINA MILIAN?
DIDNT the INC pay you enough to run ANOTHER ad for ASHANTI?
BLU CANTRELL IS "working" ON AN ALBUM

...by the looks of things i got you shooked up and scared of me.... i dont think your ready for this dick beyonce!

soulwriter said...

TINA KNOWLES' NEW SOLO STEEZ HAS KILLED MY SOUL AND RENDERED ME HELPLESS FOR THE REST OF TODAY, D@YUM!!!

I just got my promo of Solange in the mail, will give you a link to my review when it runs. I still got love for Brandy (and her eight-head), the jury's out on the rest. now, I'm stumbling back to my casket...holla....(*slams the lid shut*)

sashagirlwho said...

I'ma definitely pick up mama tina's album; those titles sound hot. though, I'm a little disappointed she didn't pen a track (cuz, we know, like her beloved daughter, she had a significant hand in writing all her tracks) about her dedazzled, befeathered, beglittered house of dereon lines. lol.

I guess that's for the re-release.

Don't Hate Me said...

I'm A Big Fine Woman (Can I Back My Ass Up?) just threw me on the floor and beat me into submission... this shit right here. I can't fuck with you no mo' Beyonceitis. You might as well take Solo's Civic and just Thelma & Lousie it straight into the pits of hell... you ain't right.

Don't Take My Checkbook Away?

I can't.

Love in the Tub said...

Artist
RIHANNA Title
GOOD GIRL GONE BAD Certification Date
08/14/2008 Label
DEF JAM
Award Description
2.00x MULTI PLATINUM Format
ALBUM Category
SOLO Type
ST

(WOAHH... Who knew wigcrypt had that type of effect on an artist? YES YES! Rihanna was certified 2x platinum yesterday as you guys gave her free promo! NOW IF ONLY WE CAN DO THE SAME FOR ASHITI [She went Double-Weaveanum[1] yesterday] but we need her to get to platinum)

[1] Thats when your albums has sold 200,000 copies. Even more people pre-ordered B'Day than 'Decleration of Weave'. BTW Im the only nigga that can do a parentheses within a mothafcka ([])

Anonymous said...

Brandy needs to go back to wearing braids, since he hasnt sold anything since she was wearing braids. Nobody is feeling the "new her". She needs to go back to acting like a virgin because ray j is going to pass her up if she doesnt gets her life together

soulwriter said...

What ndahayl....I just got word that Mama Tina's "Sock Full of Quarters" has a guest appearance BY BOTH MEMBERS of UGK, including the late Pimp C, now that's GANGSTA!!! And I can see Snoop Dogg doing a cameo on "Kreole Kitty Kat" now---REMIX!!!

samosa278 said...

*DEAD* @ Freakum Girdle
you're too much!

Anonymous said...

So "Get me Dereoned" didn't make the cut?

Solange said...

Fuck you, Signed Sincerely..!

Anonymous said...

"Menthol and Metamucil Nightcap (featuring Lil Wayne)"

wait, I thought son-in-law jay was a shoo-in for that track.

Don't Hate Me said...

Mama Tina got that Shelia E swagger. Y'all ain't ready.

Big MaMa said...

noooo u r wrong! Tina knowles cannot do hair, cannot design clothes, so odds are she can't sang either! Phenomenal woman, phenomal woman my foot!

--signed BigMama aka fake maya angelou

Love in the Tub said...

Keri Hilson’s debut album, In A Perfect World…, originally slated for September 23rd release has been pushed back. The debut from thei singer/songwriter is now October 7th. I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed, but everything happens for a reason. I’m sure Mosley Music Group/Zone 4 and Interscope just want everything right for the release of the project. I hope this doesn’t happen again, ’cause it’s been a long time coming for Keri.
---------------------------------

DANG WIGCRYPT, Im starting to think y'all workers is working somethin else...are y'all responsible for Mimi & Usher floppin? and Lil Wayne opening with a milli(1,050,000?)...and Rihanna FINALLY after 63 weeks after the release going 2x platinum?

CUZ THAT AINT RIGHT...that my girl got pushed backed, and she may get pushed back againn =/

Don't Hate Me said...

Do you have to be lightskinded to get signed to Big, Fine Redbone Records

goldenreceiver said...

I hope Keri Hilson does well. She deserves at least a Gold album.

What about MYA? Are ya'll forgetting about "My Love Is Like Wo", "It's All About Me", "Movin On", "Case of The Ex", and "Lady Maramalade"? She even won a Grammy. Just sayin. She could give Beyonce a run for her money with her next album.

Anonymous said...

Solange said...
Fuck you, Signed Sincerely..!
^
LMBAO...whoever posted that, u crazy as hell hahaha

Beyonceitis, you are killing me
"Kreole Kitty Kat"? hahahaha

Don't Hate Me said...

@ goldenreciever


BLAH!

Anonymous said...

Brandy has set her release date for Nov. 11th...and word is the Queen will return around that time too...will there be another 50/Kanye sell-off?!? We all know who gon' win though! Bey, lets get 'em!!

Love in the Tub said...

LMAO (golden retriever, twinkie.. w/e you call yourself). ARE YOU SERIOUS? MYA DOESNT HAVE A NEXT ALBUM! SHE HIT HER PEAK ALMOST 7 YEARS AGO!

"Lock U Down" although an okay single, that sh*t was a dud.."Ridin".. lets jus say, Baby Daniel slashed its tires on the way to the charts... so it never debuted!

"reciever?" I'll make ya ass recieve a slap across ya damn face...with my ring hand ho!

-------------- BEYONCE, Lets get this money

Anonymous said...

I'll make ya ass recieve a slap across ya damn face...with my ring hand ho!
^ LMFAO.

Love in the Tub said...

Thank you! My goal is to be running this site by November. So whoever the current admin is, you got three months to pack ya shit up and leave.

Love you & Signed Sincerely,
I May Not Be Picture Perfect Like Beyoncé (damn right thats them Creole genes -- not even Matthew could fugg up)

Love in the Tub said...

UPDATE: So Brandy's fans have their panties (yes her male fans wear panties too) in a bunch about her new "Human" LP coming out soon so far its scheduled for November 11? Which also happens to be the same month Beyonce is planning to take a shit on the game, no flushing...just cover it up with a wig.. (sell it on ebay) it will loook pretty! It works for Beyonce... her fans will buy anything!
*AWW TAKE A BOW IS PLAYIN ON AMERICA'S BEST DANCE CREW.. SOME1 WENT HOME -- okay BACK TO THE Bee's & Birds*

Anywho...http://ukmix.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=44905&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=1200
^ Her stans already know she's going to be on Oprah the day before he album drops to cry about killing somebody, she's going to have a song titled "Heavy Foot" -- described as a soul searching ballad that has the protagonist wondering about the dangers she can cause with her 'heavy foot' and ironically breaking her BCBG heels... and thinking she was hitting the break.. when she was on gas (Brandy claims the song was written way before the incident).. YEH. SURE!
Hey...you gotta do what you gotta do, even if it means crying, and lying on Oprah to sell a couple records

OFFICIAL LEGAL REPRESENTATIVE FOR KNOWLES/DEREON/CARTER/BEYONCE/SMITH said...

(BEYONCEITIS, everyone thinks you wrote it -- jus like ppl think Beyonce writes all her songs and takes credit for it -- so you may as well do the same :P just a hint)

Matthew Knowles, father and manager of R & B superstar Beyonce, has slapped her rival, Barbados beauty Rihanna, with a big lawsuit.

"I am making it public that I will be in fact be suing Rihanna for over $40 million in damages,’ says Mathew Knowles. ‘She has been in the music industry for three years and has released over 10 hits back to back to back, without ever taking a break,’ he continued. ‘That’s obviously a marketing strategy that I had originally conjured up for Beyonce ever since she went solo back in 2003, and Rihanna stole the concept right under our noses," he added.

Beyonce Knowles has also personally slapped Rihanna with another lawsuit, claiming that her relationship with R & B singer Chris Brown is nothing but a copycat of her relationship with her now husband, rap mogul Jay Z.

"This b**** thinks she can get someone as slim as Chris Brown to be hangin’ with her in front of the cameras? Hoe, I’m Beyonce and I still got a guy the size of an ape,’ she said in a press release. ‘There’s no way that relationship is real".

Tina Knowles, mother and hairstylist of Beyonce is also suing Rihanna in damages.

"Eva since Rihanna came out with that Bob thing on top of her head, Dereons Beauty Salon Weave specials in Texas have dramatically decreased in sales,’ Tina said in a statement. ‘I’m pretty sure the two events are related to each other. There’s no way people can resist Grand-mama Dereon (manager of Tina’s salon in Texas) and her after church Sunday weave specials" she added. "Screw the 'bad' economy, there's only one hoe responsible for this!" she added.

Solonge Knowles is also suing the Billboard Hot 100 for allowing Rihanna’s songs to appear on their charts, while her songs have totally gotten ignored. "Last week my first single peaked at #101 before falling to #196 on the Bubbling Under Chart,’ Solange said in a statement. ‘When I saw that not one, but TWO Rihanna songs were in the top ten, I realized that not only could’ve my song peaked at #100, but it could’ve peaked at #99 had Rihann not been a c*** blocker" she added.

Jay Z, who was responsible for the breakthrough success of Rihanna’s career, is also surprisingly suing the 20 year old hitmaker.

"Ever since Rihanna burst onto the scene, it has affected my sex life with Bee dramatically,’ Jay Z said in a statement. ‘When I told Beyonce I wanted her to use an Umbrella as a prop in bed, she vowed to never sleep with me again until the entire Rihanna situation was taken care of,’ he added. ‘It’s time for Rihanna to Take a Bow" he added.

Anonymous said...

^^ Um, not as funny as Beyonceitis stuff.

Solange Knowles said...

^^ Um, did i ask if it was.

rihanna sucks said...

You know what? You're absolutely right! I DID under appreciate Afrodisiac. And so... YES! I will buy this album! :-D

Anonymous said...

Brilliant!

Beyonce ft. Rihanna, Mariah, Fergie, Ciara, Keyshia Cole..... said...

http://www.tampabaysmix.com/pages/promotions.html?feed=236928&article=4132515

Anonymous said...

i'll be the first on in line to but Mama Tina's album lol

srewolf said...

Beckham, Paige and Beyonce for Olympics handover ceremony

Aug 23rd, 2008 | By Sindh Today | Category: Olympics, Sports
Beijing, Aug 23 (IANS) Football superstar David Beckham will kick the handover ball Sunday at the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympics when China passes on the reins to Britain for the 2012 London Olympics.

London officials revealed plans and the details of the eight-minute slot, which includes cyclists Chris Hoy, Victoria Pendleton and Shanaze Reade.

Also performing at the ceremony will be musicians Jimmy Page and Leona Lewis, and singer Beyonce Knowles.

Three dance groups - the Royal Opera House, street dance theatre group Zoo Nation and CandoCo, a contemporary dance company of disabled and non-disabled dancers - will also put up a show, reported the China Daily.

London’s gig at the closing will start with a symbolic red London double-decker bus driving around the Bird’s Nest chased by Hoy, Pendleton and Reade on their bikes.

When the bus slows down near a symbolic bus stop, the three groups of dancers will surround it. Then the bus will transform itself, with the top half folding down in segments to show a hedge cut into shapes of the London skyline with landmarks such as the Tower Bridge, Battersea Power Station and the parliament, according to reports in British media.

English pop singer Leona Lewis will emerge from the roof to sing a song and then guitarist Page appears to perform with Lewis a new version of Led Zeppelin’s ‘Whole Lotta Love’.

As the song nears its end, Beckham will stand on another lift with a British girl and kick a football into the crowd, switching everyone’s attention to the handover party outside Buckingham Palace.

‘We will not compete with the (Chinese) ceremony, it will be simple, youthful, athletic, loud and proud like London, entertaining and fun,’ said Bill Morris, Culture, Events and Education chief of the 2012 London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games (LOCOG), at a media conference.

Chairman of the LOCOG Sebastian Coe said the handover will mark the start of Britain’s four-year ‘cultural Olympiad’.

Tee said...

Dangg IM starting to think this admin wants us to suffer.. well SMDH, atleast the comment sections wil be updated. Here's Beyoncé's schedule for today.

6:00 AM - Sex Jay up for another 2 mins

6:02 - Brush teeth, floss Momma T's dentures, grease scalp & attach New honey blonde lace front.

10:00 AM - Wake up Jay, and jump in the Mayback to Roscoes. Order #4 (2 large bucket o chicken, extra greese) and waffles [duhh]!.

10:30 Eat in the car, wipe jAYS underarm with chicken grease (skip shower). Drop Jay off at the clinic for therapy.(shhh)

12:01 PM - Go back to the penthouse, not jailhouse...that's where Rihanna is, she owes the IRS $300,000 in back checks and hoooplas.

12:30 - Drink some Jesus Juice, head straigh to the studio.


1:00 - Get Bodied with Swizz, Timbaland, Scott, Ty, RayRay, Landon...

2:00 - Finish recording 53 song's, and select 12 for album. 4 for re-release. 12 for release to the Asian/Korean market who did my hairr.

3:00 Real craft should wait, and take time to work and soak up the natural nature.

6:00 PM - NEW ALBUM SHOULD BE IN STORES!!!!

Don't Hate Me said...

^LOL new album in stores 5 hours after recording.

Baron said...

I laughed so hard I cried when I read "Menthol and Metamucil Nightcap." How do you come up with this stuff? Do you laugh as you're writing this? I would, it's hilarious.

╚» ♥ Baby ♥ «╝ said...

dead @ #3

Quick said...

The one about Solange was too funny... you got me in tears!

Stephanie said...

hahahaha mediatakeout.com just posted the tina knowles CD on their website. go and claim ur shizzle!

Wig Crypt Creeper said...

Yeah...I only found this site because mediatakeout posted the picture and someone called them out...and I'm SO glad! I have been dying over the last two nights here reading the site. Ya'll are not right but I love it! I can't believe I'd never seen it before!

Wigonce fan said...

TINA'S HIGLY ANTICIPATED SOPHMORE ALBUM "ANCIENT LADIES (PUT A WALKER ON IT)
DOWNLOAD ON iTUNES NOWW!!!!
ALBUM TO BE RELEASED FALL 2009!!!!

1.Ancient Ladies (put a walker on it)
2.Halo(tosis) remix (featuring beyonce)
3.M.A.T.T.H.E.W
4.Creole!: The WigCrypt Saga (Featuring Baby Daniel,Beyonce,Solange,and LaDereon Carter)
5.I Decided (not to have dinner today)
6.Me, Myself and McDonald's
7.Woman to Woman (duet with Beyonce and Rihanna, )
8.Dangerously Deelishis : Ode to Popeye's
9.Suga Mama part 2 (featuring Chris Brown)
10.Big Fine Redbone (featuring Trina)
11.She's a Bitch (Is that your chick?) (feat. Rihanna and Jay-Z)

Wigonce Fan said...

number 7 is with tina turner
my mistake



1.Ancient Ladies (put a walker on it)
2.Halo(tosis) remix (featuring beyonce)
3.M.A.T.T.H.E.W
4.Creole!: The WigCrypt Saga (featuring Baby 5.Daniel,Beyonce,Solange,and LaDereon Carter)
6.I Decided (not to have dinner today)
7.Me, Myself and McDonald's
8.Woman to Woman (duet with Tina Turner )
9.Dangerously Deelishis : Ode to Popeye's
10.Suga Mama part 2 (featuring Chris Brown)
11.Big Fine Redbone (featuring Trina)
12.She's a Bitch (Is that your chick?) (feat. Rihanna and Jay-Z)

Razor under my wig said...

1.Ancient Ladies (put a walker on it)
2.Halo(tosis) remix (featuring beyonce)
3.M.A.T.T.H.E.W
4.Creole!: The WigCrypt Saga (featuring Baby 5.Daniel,Beyonce,Solange,and LaDereon Carter)
5.I Decided (not to have dinner today)
6.Me, Myself and McDonald's
7.Woman to Woman (duet with Beyonce and Rihanna, )
8.Dangerously Deelishis : Ode to Popeye's
9.Suga Mama part 2 (featuring Chris Brown)
10.Big Fine Redbone (featuring Trina)
11.She's a Bitch (Is that your chick?) (feat. Rihanna and Jay-Z)

crypt ceeper said...

TINA'S HIGLY ANTICIPATED SOPHMORE ALBUM "ANCIENT LADIES (PUT A WALKER ON IT)
DOWNLOAD ON iTUNES NOWW!!!!
ALBUM TO BE RELEASED FALL 2009!!!!



lmaoooo pleaaaasee edit this and use the album cover of Jennifer Hudson or Janet with tina's head on it)


1.Ancient Ladies (put a walker on it)
2.Halo(tosis) remix (featuring beyonce)
3.M.A.T.T.H.E.W
4.Creole!: The WigCrypt Saga (Featuring Baby Daniel,Beyonce,Solange,and LaDereon Carter)
5.I Decided (not to have dinner today)
6.Me, Myself and McDonald's
7.Woman to Woman (duet with Tina Turner )
8.Dangerously Deelishis : Ode to Popeye's
9.Suga Mama part 2 (featuring Chris Brown)
10.Big Fine Redbone (featuring Trina)
11.She's a Bitch (Is that your chick?) (feat. Rihanna and Jay-Z)

Anonymous said...

LMAOOOOOOOO @ number 1, 6, 9 and 10

her album should be called
"I Am....Mamma Fierce"

Wigonce Fan said...

August 17, 2008 3:24 AM lmaoo that story was funny

P.S. thanks for supporting Tina's Higly Anticipated first album "Crank That Wig Crypt". The tracklisting for her sophmore ablum "I Am...Mamma Fierce" is above ^^ Number 10 is going to be a hit!