FREE ARTIST PROMO WEEK --- DAY 2

Do you have an aunt or an older cousin who used to be the shit back in the day. Her milkshake used to bring all the boys to the yard. She was your favorite auntie/cousin. She got you your first sip of GOOD liquor (not the cheap stuff your mama buys). She taught you how to dress. She taught you all about boys. Taught you what to say to the boys you didn't want and how to get the one you really wanted. But years have passed. The milkshake has gotten a little chunky... and spoiled. The boys don't come to the yard as much. But she still thinks it's "back in the day". She still wants to hang out at the club with you and your friends. She still wants to borrow your clothes and compete with the young girls. When "Get Me Bodied" comes on she gets TOO excited when it's time to do the old school dance because it's the only dance she knows. Hypothetically, she could "drop down low and sweep the flo with it" but you might have to help her get back up. It's not that you don't enjoy clubbing with her... every now and again... but at a certain age you shouldn't be at Freakum Friday or A Milli Monday or whatever event is going on at the local Negro dancery. Sometimes it's ok just to sit at home, count your money and watch the Lifetime Movie channel. But she's family and she taught you everything you know, and you love her.




































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Today, Wig Crypt (in association with KY Warming Mist) presents to you:


5 Reasons Why You Should Buy Tickets to Janet Jackson's Tour:


1. You used to want to be her. You dressed like her. You hurt yourself and damn near busted your little brother in the mouth trying to do one of her dance routines.

2. History has shown that she puts on a good show and you'll get your money's worth.

3. There aren't but a handful of Black females who can fill arenas (without co-headliners) and put on a good show. Beyonce isn't touring this year and I'm still undecided about whether I want to spend $200 to see Tina Turner "Crank That Golden Girls" on stage. Janet is our best bet for this year.

4. OPTION A: You can buy tickets to her concert when she comes to your local arena. OPTION B: Don't buy a ticket, the tour flops, and can buy tickets when she comes to your local high school auditorium starring in one of the urban/gospel/Negro plays: Why Did I Get Married to the Mad Black Woman at the Family Reunion while On My Way To Jail...on the Down Low.

5. Buying a ticket helps feed a starving, sickly-looking child.



OK.

Here's the Ticketmaster Link to her tour dates and to buy tickets.

If Janet doesn't sell at least 1,000 more tickets in each city she's performing by the end of this week I'm starting a rumor about Beyonce. I won't get specific but I'll give you a hint:

Beyonce+ barbeque sauce+Kelly Rowland+Ranch dressing+Rick Ross = Sex tape.

Don't make me do it... you know I will...

I've done my part.

It's your decision.

But don't say I didn't try.


21 comments:

soulwriter said...

Dayum....not on way to the clink on the DL!!! (*running in search of an open grave*)

Anyway, I do feel you on many of the JJ points; she used to sing about what was relevant to young women at the time---societal issues, independence, relationships, etc. But the last time she was remotely funky/interesting was "Velvet Rope," and now, she's stuck on sex, sex, sex, sex, and more sex. BORING!!!

Sistahgirl is 42 years old and needs to grow up with the fan base. Most women her age are about the family, the paper chase and living out the best time of their lives, not about getting their perpetual freak on. Once she updates her approach, there's a chance she'll run it once again. Until then, Iaingonbeabdurit!!!

e. said...

LMAO @ the rumor threat!!

But, if you can get Janet to turn on the damn mic and leave it on..I'll buy a ticket..in the nose bleed section..haha.

But we both know that's not gonna happen..so I'll just watch my Beyonce Experience DVD until next summer..

I appreciate your effort though..it's so admirable..hehe

Sasha@CyberTLC said...

I like Janet but she needs to stay out the studio and stay on tour til Jesus comes back.

Sam said...

You did not say Rick Ross and Ranch Dressing...

Lawd I need to sit down...

Afrodite said...

Dead @ crank that Golden Girls (RIP).

You better quit talkin' bout Janet. You know I'd be going to see her in Oakland if I weren't going to Miami! I'd pay to see her way before Beyonce. It's true...

Wig Crypt Security said...

"You better quit talkin' bout Janet. You know I'd be going to see her in Oakland if I weren't going to Miami! I'd pay to see her way before Beyonce. It's true..."

Baby Daniel is not pleased with that comment... watch yourself.

I didn't have an aunt like that but lol anyway ;) said...

Another reason is that Discipline is her first HOOOT album since the Velvet Rope...I'm not a fan of Janet's lyrics but she knows how to rock lol ^^
let's give her some luv, lulu lulu luv ^^

wig crypt day shift manager: said...

i'll help only if she promises to help MJ pay his rent and contribute to his mask/makeup fund. because i refuse to have MJ on VH1/BET reality show without makeup just so he can pay the rent( we all know he is 1 payment away from that).

sashagirlwho said...

I used to be really into Janet back in her Rhythm Nation and later Velvet Rope days and before (I loved, loved, loved just about everything she did for her Control album, especially the Pleasure Principal video. As a kid, I so wanted to look like her in that video). My first major artist concert that I attended was her on her RN tour, even (ok, I'm dating myself a lot here).

Somewhere along the line I expanded my musical horizon and put her down for a second. Next thing I knew she was all about sex, sex, sex and older, and therefore she should've known better.

Now, I just think it's sad and pitiable.

You're a legend, you don't need to do this to yourself, Ms. Jackson. Put some clothes on and stop giving interviews talking about your va-jayjay and sex acts with your man. please and thanks.

Don't Hate Me said...

Aw Jan-Jan... I've been following you since Regine Hunter's momma burned you with that iron. I thought that shit was stone cold wrong... but if I woulda knowned you was gon' go and get with Jermaine I woulda told ol' girl to crank the dial to cotton and turn the steamer on HIGH!

I won't be buying a ticket 'cause I ain't got the money... I'm still working my part-time job (that I stole from Ashanti) tryna save money for Bey's next album, re-release, video anthology DVD, do-it-yourself lacefront DVD, Dereon bronzer kit... Y'know, shit like that.

Don't hate me... hate Regine Hunter's "Where you been Penny... I'm gon' burn you with this here iron" momma.

Anonymous said...

I love this blog! I need this to get my daily laugh on! Whoever you are you have an incredible future in comedy if you aren't all ready there yet.

Love in the Tub said...

Notice she's only performing at banks, which has an occupancy restriction of 3000. How come she aint performing in Madison Square Garden!

Lil' Creole Pimp said...

Performing at banks? What the fuck is she tryna do? Rob it?

Anonymous said...

"5. Buying a ticket helps feed a starving, sickly-looking child. "

hahah, okay, fine!i'll buy a ticket, anything to help the children.

The Fake Frankie C. said...

I bet' not find you tryna promote Keyshia. I can do that all by my cottdamn self.

Love in the Tub said...

^ LMAO Frankie, go brush ya wig the 2008 Raffle & Tickets Galore is coming up (August 30)

ANYWAYS, BREAKING NEWS: R&B/BAJANQUEEN/CEO-AMBASSADOR OF BARBADOS/CEO of TEAIRRA MARI/ELLA-ELLA-AY-ENTERPRISES RIHANNA HAS SCORED HER A BACK TO BACK NUMBER 1 WITH "Disturbia" THE NEW HIT!

Yes ladies and gentlemen and former Beyonce avid listeners, the Caribbean sensation has had a trailblazer of hits this year and now becomes the first female-singer-songwriter-who has a caribbean accent-and weights 154lbs-to-have back-to-back #1 singles (Take A Bow, Disturbia). Yes Beyonce hit number 1 (back-to-back) with Crazy in Love & Baby Boy, but she doesnt have a caribbean accent and weight 154lbs[1]. Anywho back to Rihanna, this is definitely a record breaking feat for the Caribbean crooner and Chris Brown's bust it baby.

[1] Beyonce's wig alone weights 154 lbs!

SHHHIT. said...

Rihanna needs to stop sucking on billboard's dick so hard before she finds herself dykin.

n0days0ff said...

itis you is a certified fool.let lil penny shake her poak chops!!!

sashagirlwho said...

I'm sorry, I just noticed the label "give it to mama." lol! girl (assuming), you're a trip.

Raquita said...

I officially love you - Its so official

Anonymous said...

"How come she aint performing in Madison Square Garden!"

She is now. Announced a few days ago. Yay for JJ :)