Beyonce walked to Starbucks this morning and bought a cup of coffee. After that she went to the cleaners to drop off a dress she needed cleaned. She told them there was no rush since she wouldn't need the dress until next week. After she left the cleaners she went to her favorite Chinese take-out restaurant. While she was there Rhianna's "Disturbia" came on the radio playing in the restaurant. After Beyonce picked up her food she ran into T-Pain. She told him she loved his new song. They talked for a few minutes then he went on about his day and she went home.

This is how that paragraph appears on blogs and message boards:

"OMG!!! Beyonce went to Starbucks this morning, she must be on drugs or depressed which is why she needs to drink coffee to stay awake!!! Jay got her hooked on that stuff. She should have never married him. Why wasn't Jay with her? They must be on the verge of divorce because why was she out running errands by herself? I never believed they were a real couple anyway. They are so fake. OMG!!! She must be performing her new single somewhere next week. Why else would she need her dress cleaned for next week! OMG!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!! Why doesn't she support Black-owned businesses? Why she gotta go to Chinese places? Does she think she's Chinese? She's always trying to downplay being Black. I can't stand her fake ass!!! OMG!!! SHE HATES RHIANNA!!!, "Disturbia" came on the radio and she didn't dance or sing along to the song, she just walked out of the restaurant when the song came on! I told y'all she can't stand her, she's mad cause Disturbia went #1. She's so insecure. OMG!!! She's working with T-Pain on her new album!!! They are going to perform a song together at the VMAs on Sunday but it's a surprise!!! Why else would she be talking to him in the middle of the street if they weren't planning a surprise performance at the VMAs? I can't wait!!! OMG!!!


Nowhere in the first article does it say half the shit in the 2nd article but for some reason when actual facts get reported on blogs and message boards we feel the need to "remix" them. We see what we want to see. We take facts, fill in the blanks, read between the lines, make up shit, and then pass it around as something that is true. Doing this creates buzz, but it also creates confusion and false hope to the point that people don't get excited about things that are REAL because they have to put up with so many rumors that turn out to be FALSE. And putting 3 exclamation points behind something AND TYPING IT IN ALL CAPS doesn't make it true!!! I know some people are allergic to reading anything over 3 sentences and I know some of you can't tell truth from obvious lies. Some of you are still waiting for Beyonce to release "Worldwide'.

Unless you have a credible source and evidence to back it up anything you type is a rumor. I understand it's the internet and everybody wants to be the first to say they knew something, but at the end of the day nobody remembers who was the first to report a story and I know we're all excited about the new era but I think we should stop trying to figure everything out ahead of time.

Don't you like surprises?

Clearly you learned nothing from the BET Awards disaster (that performance with Usher that never happened) so let me break it down again:

The following ARE credible sources:

1. Associated Press
2. Reuters
3. Prnewswire press releases
6. Beyonce herself

The following are NOT credible sources:

1. YOUR blog (don't make up a lie saying Beyonce back-slapped Solange at Kentucky Fried Chicken, then go to a message board saying "I read on a blog that Beyonce back-slapped Solange and Kentucky Fried Chicken")

2. Any blog with no comments.

3. Any blog period.

4. Any news from overseas.

5. Anything somebody told you that heard on the radio (unless they can post an MP3 of it)

6. Anything you read on message boards.

7. Anything you read on message boards.

8. Anything you read on message boards.

Sorry if I seem angry. I'm in a bad mood.

Maybe it's subconscious Beyonce withdrawal.

Maybe it's the weather (It's hot as slavery outside)

Maybe it's my personal life (I haven't had sex since the Destiny Fulfilled Tour)

I'm not sure why I'm so cranky, but I am seriously so fucking tired of people making up rumors, misreading things (or not reading at all), and assuming things when they don't know for sure that what they're saying is true. Today if you find yourself about to type "I heard" or "Somebody said" or "I read on a blog that..." please shoot yourself...

in the face...

Thank you.


Anonymous said...

haha. i heard that... boom!!!. damn just shot my self. :)

Anonymous said...

So true. Thanks for the funny update. I know you'll be watching tonight and will have a killer entry for us tomorrow.

CB said...

I heard somebody saying on his blog that Worldwide isn't no ok I shut up and shoot myself one sweet day XD

(and don't worry, you're not alone (concerning the DFT XD)

Anonymous said...

hot as slavery! lmao

Vanz said...

please shoot yourself

in the face

On that note, I'm done.

Jewelry Rockstar said...

Yes, well we all have the right to be mad sometimes. Hell, I am. BOFA and Comcast f*cked with me bad this week. On the bright side they did have to give it all back, so I guess I'm not really mad. Hold it down for the rest of us. Keep Anger alive!

Melissa said...

I agree with you 100%.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's my personal life (I haven't had sex since the Destiny Fulfilled Tour)


Lawd! Me either.

love in thiss tub said...

lmaooooooooooooooooooooo <3

BG said...

I'm guilty of taking speculation to the next level lol

Anonymous said...

You are right on point (as always) w/ your post today! Loooove this website. ;-)

rihanna sucks said...

LOL! Yea I'm still pissed about that whole Usher duet fiasco. Call me stupid! But did you see her last night?! Did you see the pics of her performing an Etta James tribute & that duet with Justin for Fashion Rocks? She looks marvelous! I can't wait to see it (10 exclamation points) My blog is mostly opinion and of course some facts. I don't believe she's performing on the VMA's so I didn't mention anything about it. Why? It's going to be boring without her anyway. But I did talk about how wonderful she looked & how great SOME of them sounded singing Just Stand Up... some of them! Woo chile!

Anonymous said...

People are allergic to reading anything over three sentences!!! So true...But you know what I hate most? I hate when people think they know a celeb just by seeing their picture.

Don't Hate Me said...

"Maybe it's my personal life (I haven't had sex since the Destiny Fulfilled Tour)"

I cannot... I will not. I shall not attempt.

prettyrikki said...

Maybe it's my personal life (I haven't had sex since the Destiny Fulfilled Tour)

please shoot yourself...

in the face...

*dead* im dead i tell you!!

Anonymous said...

LOL! Damn! I'm almost speechless!

You are the king of blogging! You speak nothing but the truth on this site! It's great! Keep it up! (Ok, I'll stop with the exclamation points..haha)

sashagirlwho said...

I'm not even a Beyonce fan like that (meaning I rarely frequent Beyonce-related message boards or blogs seeking out rumors and whatnot), but I can see how that stuff can tick a girl off.

Listen, Mr. or Ms. (my money's on Ms now, but I'm re-thinking that), you are an very talented writer and humorist. had me tickled yet again. I hope you're working on getting paid for it. furreal.

And you do sound more irritated than usual. My suggestion: draw a nice warm bath, throw some fragrant salts in, light some candles, put on music of choice, get in, and chill out with a glass of chardonnay, or better yet, some jack (daniels, that is; I like whiskey) in hand. It's not as great as a man, but hey, it'll tide you over until one comes.

be well, chica/o :)

ahhhhh said...


its hotttttt

Mickey said...

you should be shot for that last comment.

I am suffering from post-tramatic beyonce withdrawal syndrome too. I got in a car accident on my home from school dancing/singing/driving (hybrid) to green light (Beyonce's version of course). (non fictional) So I am suffering horribly. Glad you've been posting constantly tho. Ciao.