First Class Tickets to Africa

I know us Negros are frightened by paragraphs so I'm going to type this in short lines.

As long as you promise not to read between them.

Please bare with me.

This may not make sense...

So I went to Beyonceworld message board yesterday.

You know what Beyonceworld is...

It's that place where you lurk and steal Beyonce pictures, news, and gossip, then turn around and ridicule the same people you got them from.

So I went there and the first topic says "Beyonce Stans Suck"

At first I thought it was a "hater", but it wasn't.

So I read...

And it was very true.

Beyonce stans do suck...

Ass...

With corn around the rim.

Allow me to explain.

I remember the first time I heard "Crazy In Love".

5 years ago

At this time there weren't a lot of blogs or Beyonce message boards.

We didn't have a lot of leaks.

We just had to keep the radio on and hope we heard it.

They played it and had listeners call in and rate it.

You know... "Kiss it or dis it" /"Pump it or dump it"

10 Calls

9 People liked it

1 person didn't.

Since that day in 2003 when I heard Crazy In Love Beyonce has gotten so far and beyond the realm of typical R&B chicks.

She's become a worldwide megastar

And that's a double-edged sword.

When you become so famous and well-liked by such a wide group of people it becomes harder and harder to please all of them because they all want something different and they have different musical backgrounds.

Beyonce does have fans who understand.

They understand that the all-female band are a group of talented musicians not a group of backup dancers holding instruments. They understand what movie the "Get Me Bodied" video came from, and who Cyd Charisse is, who Alvin Ailey is, and how Beyonce has incorporated them into her work.

They understand that music did not begin with Beyonce.

But she also has a lot of fans whose musical knowledge goes no further than what video is #1 on 106 and Park.

And those fans fuck it up for everyone.

They mean no harm in their ignorance, but sometimes the weakest, most uneducated members of a group become the stereotype by which ALL members of that group are judged.

Not to say that I don't care what people think about her.

If I didn't I wouldn't have started this site.

In the 5 years since I first heard "Crazy In Love" the internet has gotten so far and beyond the realm of simple entertainment.

They went and fucked up and gave us blogs.

To have successful blog, you have to believe that you are saying something
unique or bringing a perspective that no one else has. However, there are really no credentials needed to have a blog.

You can have an entertainment blog that's not very entertaining.

You can have a music blog with absolutely no concept of the history of the music that you report on.

Beyonceitis was born from a genuine frustration.

And I think the overall philosophy can be summed up with this phrase:

You don't really have to like Beyonce, but don't sit and ridicule her when nobody cares about your favorite artist.

The concept of a fictional blog wasn't new. There were fictional blogs before.

The concept of a humor blog wasn't new. There were funny blogs.

The concept of a Beyonce blog wasn't new. Damn near every urban blog is a Beyonce blog. If you don't believe me go to your favorite blog (yes, that one) and go to the comment section of any random story and type CTRL+F (or APPLE+F on a Mac)

Type in "Bey" and just look at the number of times her name is brought up in conversations that have absolutely no fucking thing to do with her.

For better or worse she's under our skin.

And that's what Beyonceitis was about.

------

I'm conducting a scientific study.

Any day now the singles will leak.

I'm going to see if how much I like them as a fan, and not a critic

How much I like them without having someone else tell me how I feel about them

How much I like them without having to defend them

Or argue about them

I'm going to see if after 5 years on the internet

If I will just be able to enjoy the music.

If everybody's a critic

Who's going to be a fan?

I want to take a break from the charts, album sales, ticket sales, and go back to the days when I didn't know shit about shit.

And everything was a surprise.

I would rather listen to the songs, understand what she's trying to do and hate the songs than not understand it and just like it because other people like it.

I'll let you know how that turns out

Of course the people who need to read this won't.

They are too busy starting petitions because they didn't like the length of Beyonce's dress at Fashion Rocks.

I can't change people's ignorance.

The best I can do is change me...


Thanks to the press who have covered the site.

Thanks to the blogs who have shown love.

Thanks to all of those who like it.

Thanks to all of those who hate it.

Thanks to all of those who like it and won't admit it because it's Beyonce-related.

I don't really have any exclusive news.

I have no "inside scoop"

I don't know any celebrities you care about.

I don't know any rappers' baby mamas...

CORRECTION: I don't know any FAMOUS rappers' baby mamas.

(But I can tell you all about this rapper named Young Food Stamp and his chick... she's a real whore, but we'll talk about that later.)

I've asked, and I've asked but Monica won't let me take pictures of her shopping at Ikea.

I don't get any exclusive interviews or leaks...

All I do is make up stories... (the only difference is that I've never tried to pass them off as news)

But you still stop by and read

And I have sincerely appreciated it.

Maybe one day I'll be famous and someone will make up funny stories about my family

Apparently Beyonce's people saw the site a long time ago.

I'm not 100% sure what they think of it.

I guess they liked it, we didn't get shut down.

I'm not sure if Beyonce has seen it.

I hope she does and understands it for what it is

And what it isn't.

Hopefully she'll see the love, the hate, the arguments, and take it all as a compliment.

A sign of the effect that she has on people...

Maybe she'll find it funny...

Or not.

I bet Jay-Z would find it funny...

What do you think?


37 comments:

Anonymous said...

Damn! That was so good..I wanna..!! LOL!

I read all of this..and you already know that your'e the TRUTH!

I can completely relate to what you said about when "Crazy In Love" first came out..I was the same way!!

I think Bey, Jay, and here ppl love this blog!!

Keep doing what you do! F' a hater! lOL!

soulwindow said...

Young Food Stamp had me cracking up. I got his demo.

I think what you do is amazing because you speak 1/2 the things that I think when I come across some FOOLERY on the youtube or the webnet about Bey.

I'm sure Jay-z has a subscription.

Anonymous said...

wait, I’m scared, this reads a lot like a good bye message, i hope you’re not saying you’re done with this site. But if you’re not, this was one of the most insightful and totally honest account of beyonce, this site and her fans. As always great job.

Vanz said...

You know Jigga be squirtin' camel juice outta his eyes from laughin' at your ass!!

Sasha said...

This entry was real. I'm always a fan first it's all about which Beyonce song I like not the world. Fuck the sales.

I like Ring The Alarm, I'll be the only one IDC.

BeeOncé said...

I'm sure Bee loves the blog more than her unborn baby!!
You said everything I wanted to say (but didn't take the time to do so lol)

Fuck the charts. Fuck her money. She has enough, according to forbes. She could buy my city and call it Beyoncétown and your momma's city too and call it Beyoncétown2.

Bee is singing, talent, dance and concerts and movies for me...and not money and chart positions and contracts ^^

Mealy said...

Imma go pay my child support because of this mothafukkin post yo. This hitme in my heart.. Fukk allthe poeple that dont like her fukk the album sales fuk the lies and rumors and everything As long as she keeps making music that her true fans seem to classify as great music then everything else doesn't matter. BEyonce is the best in mmy eyes and no one can take that away so im happy with Bey in everything she does. Luv u bey!!!

cj said...

This was like the best post. I read the WHOLE thing and agree with everthing, this is my favorite site BTW.

lickk it bitchh said...

i love you too beyonceitis.com :)

NO PUEDOO! lmao

Anonymous said...

you spoke so much truth in this BUT is this the end of beyonceitis??? say it aint so =[

Danielle's Daughter said...

You know what I think?

I think,

I see the crystal raindrops fall
And see the beauty of it all
Is when the sun comes shining through
To make those rainbows in my mind
When I think of you some time
And I want to spend some time with you

Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us
(Just the two of us)
Just the two of us
Building castles in the sky
Just the two of us
You and I

*sobs uncontrollably at the thought of the brilliant, rational mind that writes this site*

Melissa said...

I think Beyonce and them (lol) loves the site! Bee has some humor too. The haters don't mean shit, but they just get on my nerves and bring up Beyonce when somebdy talking about Choobacca.

hiphopstar @ dc3forever said...

Wow, absolutely love the depth (and humor!) you bring to the Bee universe.. I always thought I was the only one who could laugh at/with her that way and understand the things she does and what has to make her a True Icon of our time. Keep up the writing, you rock man!

rihanna sucks said...

Tell it! Tell it! Tell it!!!

I think this would be Beyonce's fave site... honestly! You're quite good @ wut u do!!!

srewolf said...

whoever is behind this is one gifted motherfucker!!! your writings are so intelligent, sarcastic....so much depth, so much humor at the same time! the greatest thing i think is that you are able to put in words what ignorant masses are feeling but can't express. and the funny thing is these are not opinions, these are facts, mere truth... and you make it entertaining as well (beyonce would be proud of you! lol)...i could read this shit all day without getting bored!

definitely my favourite blog ever!

Anonymous said...

LOL i caught the Sandra Rose disses, funny.

please tell me this isn't gonna be your last entry!! you always make my day, you're the funniest blogger i've ever come across.

aulelia said...

you are a great blogger. don't shut down the site. this is such a brilliant site.

i will always be a fan of Bee's and i don't take everything seriously.

like u said, music did not start with Beyonce. I think Bee's problem now is that some of her fanbase has become very young and immature.Not her fault but the truth.

Keep writing! Don't let the haters pull you down.

aulelia said...

LMAO @ the press release

WhitneyRaye said...

i agree with anonymous #2. i hope isnt a "goodbye entry"..

DreamWriter said...

That is the best post ever on this site and I didn't laugh once. You are a true fan, like myself. If Beyonce does something stupid e.g. that starvation diet thing, then I say.

"
They are too busy starting petitions because they didn't like the length of Beyonce's dress at Fashion Rocks."

I was thinking about the Deja Vu petition the other day. What a waste of time! All the bad things happening in the world and people moan over a video that they don't have to watch.

Anonymous said...

Don't shut down this blog, and BTW we need more posts!

Anonymous said...

SandraRose is a pain in the blog-world's ass

Anonymous said...

"I've asked, and I've asked but Monica won't let me take pictures of her shopping at Ikea."

Girl, she didn't tell you?
We in a recession you gotta catch her and little pebbles, at target.

Don't Hate Me said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I've asked, and I've asked but Monica won't let me take pictures of her shopping at Ikea."

Girl, she didn't tell you?
We in a recession you gotta catch her and little pebbles, at target

---

Death. I just can't. I don't even try no more because I can't.

Anonymous said...

"I've asked, and I've asked but Monica won't let me take pictures of her shopping at Ikea."

Girl, she didn't tell you?
We in a recession you gotta catch her and little pebbles, at target.

____

-DEAD-

sashagirlwho said...

the layers of this stuff are way deeper than a mere middle-of-the-road fan like myself can even fathom.

y'all (that is, the overobsessed stans) need to cool out.

Anonomoose said...

Don't know whether it's a negative or a positive thing but....

http://www.mediatakeout.com/2008/26981-lmao_it_appears_that_beyonces_mother_tina_knowles_has_an_album_out___.html

You are doing it big now!

Anonymous said...

Look at media fake out ripping off your ish!!

Can you please do a post about how Ashanti has fucked up Nelly's career?! They wanna be the next Bey and Jay so badly..but it isn't working out! I know you have the ability to make a HILARIOUS post about it..

Anonymous said...

Mediatakeout = Monica

Anonomoose said...

Y'all gotta check out Brandy's second single! It's called "Jesus Take The Wheel...PLEASE!".

Glade said...

To whoever writes this blog,

I stumbled across this site. Well to be honest I dont even know how I came across it. But this site is pure comic genius. Who ever writes this blog is a truly gifted and expressive person. My imagination is about as deep as styrofoam cup, how you keep coming up with new and fresh stories all from your mind amazes me. I am a true Beyonce fan I will support her through it all and I hate when people mostly her HATERS let her consume their life. You are absolutely right when D'day comes and the two new singles and videos are released the world is gonna go MAD. Especially the black blogs. People are gonna be all over the place hating the song cuz its to long, to short, not fast enough, not slow enough, to pop, to r&b, to rap, to reggae who knows. And lord don't let it have any concept of that Ciara video because we will never hear the end of it. Please keep doing what you do and keep entertaining beyonce fans who can take a joke. And I am certain that Beyonce like all of your fans respect what you do and the irony you bring to this all!

sincerely,
Devoted FAN of BEYONCEITIS!

MJ said...

Once again, you make my day brighter.

Anonymous said...

This has got to be the funniest blog I've come across in a long time. I try and tell all my friends about it! Keep up the hilarity!!!!

Anonymous said...

Media Take Out is stealing your material.

Prettyrikki said...

singing in the original Whitney voice..."and Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiii will always love youuuuuuuu oooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiii will always love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" This was a great article and I read it all...thanks for the spacing :)
You better not be leaving either....I'll find u and i dont even know you....yet.
Love ya

Mickey said...

I love you

stacey said...

Hey Beyoceitis

just wanted to say you are the truth and you always manage to put into words how I feel about B as an artist.I am a grown lady of 30 and I love Beyonce to peices .You are right, the obsessed stans spoil it for us mature B loving fans,Smh,Cant even support ol gal openly because of all the stereotype about her fans.But that does not stop me from buying all her albums.Thank you for giving us true fans a place to come and vent out our frustration.