Beyonceitis is over. Done. Finished. The writer of Beyonceitis has had a nervous breakdown. The last I heard of him he said "Fuck ALL of you." before going to South Africa with Dave Chappelle. They reportedly smoked some highly potent exotic African weed one night and woke up in a tree the next morning singing songs from the Dreamgirls soundtrack. He says he's never coming back. He says Fuck stans. Fuck haters. Fuck blogs, and Fuck America.

Before I continue I would like to introduce myself. My name is Tula Mae Robinson, Celebrity Photographer. You must say the whole thing like A Tribe Called Quest or A Pimp Named Slickback. You can see my lovely photo above. I took it myself. That's me giving you sexy ... doesn't it just make you moist?

I am the new owner of this blog. I am a highly respected CELEBRITY photographer. Granted, several celebrities don't like me or allow me to photograph them because in my quest to be the black Perez Hilton I make up stories based on wild unfounded rumors and my own diluted assumptions. However, the difference between me and Perez is that Perez actually has sources and inside information. The only inside sources I have are irrelevant "celebrities" that you don't care about. Despite this I am a highly respected CELEBRITY photographer. I have no interest in photographing award shows, fashion shows, or any events with A-List celebrities, mainly because I don't get a lot of invites to them, but my coverage of the "Drop It Like It's Hot Contest" at Club Bucknasty is an unparallelled piece of photographic journalism.

I am glad Beyonceitis is gone. It wasn't funny or relevant. Sites like Beyonceitis is why urban bloggers get no respect from the mainstream media. They always try tear other celebrities down just to get a laugh or visitors to their site. My loyal readers expect quality and I prefer to post subjects that bring quality hits to my site, I like to promote positivity, and I do not hate on celebrities or try to tear them down.

Now let's talk about that fake-ass, white-ass, trick-ass, phony-ass Beyonce. Granted I've never met Beyonce, and everyone I know who knows Beyonce says she's a nice lady, but I don't believe them. I can tell she's stuck up and phony. Mainly because she reminds me of the girls I went to high school with. The ones who were prettier than me, more popular than me, and more talented than me. The ones I was always afraid to talk to. She's not as hot as her stans think she is. I know this because I have 3 accounts on Beyonceworld. I'm not a member because I like her, I just go for exclusive news, I really don't care about her, but my loyal readers seem to care about her so I post about her 9 times a week, and if there's nothing to report I make shit up. Her concert was wack too. I went and saw her in Atlanta and hated it. I hated it so much I bought tickets to see her again in Miami, just to make sure I hated it, then I bought tickets to see her twice in New York, just to be extra sure that I hated the show. She's HIGHLY overrated. She's not a real singer, and by real I mean brown-skinned and slightly overweight.

Please don't call me a hater I don't hate on Beyonce. I just don't like what she represents. I don't like that she's never been arrested in a Walgreens parking lot for drug and weapons possession. I don't like that she doesn't have 57 kids and not one wedding ring. Beyonce sends the wrong message to our young girls. She teaches them that it's ok to work hard, be polite, and keep your private business to yourself. What kind of message is that to send to kids? I don't like that she made more money sitting on the toilet this morning than I made last year. but I'm not a hater. I don't hate black people. I just hate successful black people. Once you become successful you are no longer Black.

Thank you to all of my loyal readers for supporting me. Please come back tomorrow for EXCLUSIVE photos from my coverage of the CD release party for MC Short Bus and Yung Child Support Check. Also, I have EXCLUSIVE backstage coverage of the new hit urban gospel play "Your Arms are Too Short To Vogue Battle with the Lord".

Thanks for your support,

Tula Mae Robinson


30 comments:

n0days0ff said...

FUCK SANDRA ROSE!!!!!

Omg how I screamed at this post.whoo wee you did it again.its so pathetic how she hates B but finds a way to talk about her
EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! Good post .

MISSY said...

SANDRA!

Anonymous said...

You are so right she hates SUCESSFUL Black people like this one man name Barack Obama. I dont care if she votes for Mccain ,but I think she hates on Obama more than she hates on Beyonce. Which makes sense because Beyonce supports Obama. BTW , Sandra Rose wishes she could look like that chimp.

FlyyGurl said...

now tula, lol, it sounds a little like u were talkin about Ashanti and Tiny in this post...

Glade said...

No mam for this post. Its to early in the morning lol, but you put that no talent hoe in her place!

YmW said...

ugh man i hate that sandra rose...she is the biggest hater in the world..and she honestly thinks that MONICA and BRANDY are more talented than BEYONCE?? Now Im not a beyonce stan but come on! Sandra needs to sit down.

Pretty rikki said...

Me no likey...i dont like sandra rose cause she is such a bitter bitter woman....its sad. Anyway back to the goods over here! :)

Jewelry Rockstar said...

You know I don't know enough about sandra rose to comment, but I can say this post is funny as hell. It calls out so many haters, love it!

CHERYL said...

MY GOODNES, I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT, BUT SANDRA DOES RESEMBLE THAT CHIMP! YOUR ENTRY WAS DEAD ON! CONTINUE TO BRING THE FUNNY & THE FACT TOGETHER!

Anonymous said...

Wow the resemblance between Sandra and that chimp is uncanny. I am not one to compare black people to monkeys given the history of black people being called monkeys BUT I'll be damned if Sandra and that chimp aren't the same being.

Anonymous said...

BEST POST EVER!!!!

Anonymous said...

lmfao, this shit is too funny but soo true

Anonymous said...

hahahahahah.i only have 1 question, where did you get that lovely pic of sandra?

Just B said...

You hit the nail on the head with this post. Sandra always have something slick to say about Beyonce! She can eat a dick! LMAO!

Drewfizzle said...

Your blog is so damn creative. You should be writing comedy for somebody somewhere. You are brilliant.

Goliano said...

Sandra, I got banned for sayin' it on your site, but I'll say it again here, you're nothin' but a garden variety house negro, sellin' your people out for chump change... the Sarah Palin of Black bloggers.

Anonymous said...

^^What the?? lol

Kyle said...

Funniest website on the internet, hands down. LMFAO @ that picture of ugly ass Sandra Rose.

Don't Hate Me said...

Somebody help me off this floor... iDied.

Anonymous said...

this is goin to be a great blog and ill continue to visit and laugh but i perfer beyonceitis (the regular one) nothing beats it, altho this is still very much beyonce related

rihanna sucks said...

LOLOLOLOL!!! Just too much @ one time! I can't take it!!!

*dead*

Anonymous said...

I wonder how many hits Sandra got on her site today? This is huge publicity for her!

Anonymous said...

^ Sandra is that you?

Mr. Ordinary said...

I cant stand that bitch!!! Damn Sandra you a hater!!! Its sad because even her readers know she a hater!!! We should directly call her ass out!!!

Anonymous said...

I am fucking dead and decomposed. OMG. LMAOOOOOOOO!

Mickey said...

sandra is the biggest hater in the world i just don't know why. She is even hating on solange now.

VOGUE said...

Ugh I seriously cant stand Sandra.
She is so JEALOUS of Beyonce

Its sad and tacky how she can tear another successful black woman down. Sandra is GREEN with ENVY. She probably listens to B'Day, wears True Star, and has a shrine of Bey in her bedroom. I bet she can sing Deja Vu backwards and knows the choreography to "Get Me Bodied"


She thinks Monica and Tiny are celebs...PUH-LEASE. Dont make me laugh.

Celebs: NO
Has-beens: YES
NEVER WILL BE (AGAIN): DEFINITELY

Marlaina said...

OMG...this post is SOOOOOOOOOO SANDRA ROSE!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOO!!!

Anonymous said...

Who ever the fuck is writing this blog:

You are brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Bitch