Beyonceitis is over. Done. Finished. The writer of Beyonceitis has had a nervous breakdown. The last I heard of him he said "Fuck ALL of you." before going to South Africa with Dave Chappelle. They reportedly smoked some highly potent exotic African weed one night and woke up in a tree the next morning singing songs from the Dreamgirls soundtrack. He says he's never coming back. He says Fuck stans. Fuck haters. Fuck blogs, and Fuck America.
Before I continue I would like to introduce myself. My name is Tula Mae Robinson, Celebrity Photographer. You must say the whole thing like A Tribe Called Quest or A Pimp Named Slickback. You can see my lovely photo above. I took it myself. That's me giving you sexy ... doesn't it just make you moist?
I am the new owner of this blog. I am a highly respected CELEBRITY photographer. Granted, several celebrities don't like me or allow me to photograph them because in my quest to be the black Perez Hilton I make up stories based on wild unfounded rumors and my own diluted assumptions. However, the difference between me and Perez is that Perez actually has sources and inside information. The only inside sources I have are irrelevant "celebrities" that you don't care about. Despite this I am a highly respected CELEBRITY photographer. I have no interest in photographing award shows, fashion shows, or any events with A-List celebrities, mainly because I don't get a lot of invites to them, but my coverage of the "Drop It Like It's Hot Contest" at Club Bucknasty is an unparallelled piece of photographic journalism.
I am glad Beyonceitis is gone. It wasn't funny or relevant. Sites like Beyonceitis is why urban bloggers get no respect from the mainstream media. They always try tear other celebrities down just to get a laugh or visitors to their site. My loyal readers expect quality and I prefer to post subjects that bring quality hits to my site, I like to promote positivity, and I do not hate on celebrities or try to tear them down.
Now let's talk about that fake-ass, white-ass, trick-ass, phony-ass Beyonce. Granted I've never met Beyonce, and everyone I know who knows Beyonce says she's a nice lady, but I don't believe them. I can tell she's stuck up and phony. Mainly because she reminds me of the girls I went to high school with. The ones who were prettier than me, more popular than me, and more talented than me. The ones I was always afraid to talk to. She's not as hot as her stans think she is. I know this because I have 3 accounts on Beyonceworld. I'm not a member because I like her, I just go for exclusive news, I really don't care about her, but my loyal readers seem to care about her so I post about her 9 times a week, and if there's nothing to report I make shit up. Her concert was wack too. I went and saw her in Atlanta and hated it. I hated it so much I bought tickets to see her again in Miami, just to make sure I hated it, then I bought tickets to see her twice in New York, just to be extra sure that I hated the show. She's HIGHLY overrated. She's not a real singer, and by real I mean brown-skinned and slightly overweight.
Please don't call me a hater I don't hate on Beyonce. I just don't like what she represents. I don't like that she's never been arrested in a Walgreens parking lot for drug and weapons possession. I don't like that she doesn't have 57 kids and not one wedding ring. Beyonce sends the wrong message to our young girls. She teaches them that it's ok to work hard, be polite, and keep your private business to yourself. What kind of message is that to send to kids? I don't like that she made more money sitting on the toilet this morning than I made last year. but I'm not a hater. I don't hate black people. I just hate successful black people. Once you become successful you are no longer Black.
Thank you to all of my loyal readers for supporting me. Please come back tomorrow for EXCLUSIVE photos from my coverage of the CD release party for MC Short Bus and Yung Child Support Check. Also, I have EXCLUSIVE backstage coverage of the new hit urban gospel play "Your Arms are Too Short To Vogue Battle with the Lord".
Thanks for your support,
Tula Mae Robinson