LOS ANGELES - It was announced today the the 2008 Grammy Awards will be cancelled because no big-names other than Beyonce have agreed to perform due to the writers' strike. A source close to the show says: "It is impossible to have an awards show honoring the best and brightest in music when the best and brightest don't show up, so the Grammy Awards have been cancelled this year." Despite the cancellation, CBS will replace the Grammy telecast with "An Evening With the Knowles Family starring Worldwide Pop Icon Megastar Beyonce" The 3-hour special will feature performances by members of the America's most talented family.
Matthew Knowles, manager/father of Beyonce says: "Beyonce is without a doubt the greatest star in the history of life, she's a great singer, dancer, and actress, and when she was touring third world countries sick children were healed after they touched her wig. This show is great opportunity for the world to get to know Beyonce and her family on a personal level and I feel like everyone around the world should have the chance to know her, embrace her, smell her, honor her and treat her like the goddess that she is. Beyonce supports the Grammy organization 100% and doesn't expect to get a Grammy just for showing up. However, if the Grammy people see fit to give her the Grammys she was nominated for (and some that she isn't nominated for) she will gladly accept them and act surprised."
Beyonce and her family are currently in rehearsal for the special which promises to be memorable night of music and entertainment.
The program will go as followed:
8:00PM-8:05PM - Beyonce opens the show with Crazy In Love.
8:05PM -8:10PM - (costume and hair change) Beyonce performs Get Me Bodied with all 167 dances including the "Pat Your Weave", "Do the Uh-Oh", "Do An Old-School Dance", "Put your Tampon In", etc.
8:10PM-8:40PM - Instead of using this time to promote her album Kelly Rowland spends 30 minutes talking about how great Beyonce's asscrack smells.
8:50-9:00PM - Mama Tina gives glory to the Lord by doing a praise dance to the music of Soulja Boy (let the church say Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!)
9:00PM-9:10PM - Matthew does a tribute to the many facial expressions of Beyonce including "The confused Dreamgirls look", "The confused interview look", and "The confused awards show acceptance speech look, and the "Destiny's Child/Kelly/Farrah 'Did I say that you could talk?' evil look."
9:10PM - 9:15PM- Beyonce pays tribute to her younger sister Solange by singing "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better".
9:15PM - 9:25PM - Get ready to throw your panties at the television screen as Baby Daniel slows it down for all the ladies in the house with his medley of sexy songs. He'll open his set with R. Kelly's "Your Body's Calling" and you'll want to put your Tivos on record when he tears down the house with Bobby Brown's "Tender Roni"
9:25PM - 10:55PM - Beyonce performs Dangerously In Love.
10:55PM-11:00PM - The entire Knowles family returns and sings "Family" from the Dreamgirls soundtrack.
"An Evening With the Knowles Family starring Worldwide Pop Icon Megastar Beyonce" is sponsored by Dereon, House of Dereon, Dereon Infant, Dereon Girls, Dereon Chunky, Samsung, Sprint, American Express, L'Oreal, and Armani Diamonds.
(sigh) I was enjoying my break from Beyonce and frankly I was proud of her.
But oh well...
And she may not even know that she's performing at the Grammys. This may be like in Dreamgirls where Deena didn't know she was doing Cleopatra until she saw the commercial. I know how
Ok, that never happened, but all I'm saying is it will be 12 different kinds of fucked up if Beyonce is somehere in a Jay-Z-induced dick coma and then wakes up on Grammy day and has to throw together a performance because nobody told her that she was performing.