I have been a loyal reader of your blog for about 2 years. I am writing you because so seem smart and you know a couple of big words and you know how to read and stuff. Congratulations. The reason I am writing is because I am in a very bad situation and I need some advice. This weekend I was involved in what my lawyer calls "an unfortunate altercation" and my grandmother calls "simple-ass nigga shit" Me and my girlfriend got into an argument, and I kinda blacked out and I don't remember a lot of it but apparently I physically attacked her. Of course if I could I would take this back but I can't. I am wondering how Cranking That Ike Turner will affect my life? Is my career over? How will I get through this?
The reason I am asking you is because your blog and website centers around artists who have had their careers killed by Beyonce so I figure you would be the expert on dying careers. How do I get through this?
Dear Love Lockdown,
I'm sure a lot of things are running through your mind.
Is my life ruined?
How do I get out of this mess?
Will I be sent to prison and forced to walk around a cell with my ass hanging out?
The truth is I really don't know. While most people may not be able to relate to this specific incident, most of us have been in situations where our character has been questioned and it's easy to pass judgement especially if we only know one side of the story.
No matter what hardships I am going through I have found that 3 things will help.
Here are those 3 things:
#1 Your Stans.
I have a Ph.D. in stanology and after studying Beyonce and Janet stans for the past 12 years I have found that stans will fight for you no matter how bad things get. They will write petitions, pay for your lawyers, and they will be at the courthouse at 7AM in the freezing cold, passing out hot coffee and grits. Never underestimate the devotion of your stans.
Even if there were HD-quality video of you doing the A-Town stomp on your girlfriend your stans will REFUSE to believe that it was you. There was video of somebody who looked a lot like R. Kelly taking a piss on somebody who looked a lot like a 12 year old, yet he was found not guilty on all charges and is free to roam junior high school parking lots.
Stans will argue for you even if you are dead ass wrong. If Beyonce were accused of shooting a bitch point blank in the face, her stans would say that the bitch shouldn't have been in the way.
Kind of extreme yes, but I think you get my point. Your stans think you're a saint. That can be annoying sometimes but you begin to appreciate it when the rest of the world think you're the devil.
Music will help you through. Sometimes when life stresses you out, getting lost in a good song is great therapy. So put your iPod on and just drift away, but please delete the following songs:
"Oops Upside Your Head" by the Gap Band
"Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas
"Love TKO" by Teddy Pendergrass.
"I'll Beat Yo' Ass" Crime Mob 
"Stomp" by Young Buck
"Slap" by Ludacris
"Attack Me With Your Love" by Cameo
The most difficult thing in the world is to have a one negative moment define who you are for the rest of your life, but the sad reality is that there are thousands of men in prison in jail for life because of a couple of seconds of bad judgement.
People are going to call you all kinds of things and portray you as an angry woman-beating monster. To get through that you have to know yourself well enough to know that other people's labels shouldn't define who you are. On the flipside, you should also be man enough to step outside yourself and admit when you're wrong and realize whether or not you need to seek help.
Although I don't condone violence against women (especially women without a switchblade or razor to defend themselves) I understand that sometimes our tempers get the best of us and there is always another side to the story. People like things to be black and white, but more often than not our lives tend fall into gray areas.
Is your career over?
Well, to clarify it's not over in the sense that you'll have to move back to your hometown and work at Target, but you may have to start over. I don't want your career to be over, because for me to want your career to be over means that I want you to lost your job, and I wouldn't wish that on anybody during this recession and if everybody's jobs were based on mistakes they made in their personal lives there would be a lot of unemployed mofos in the street right.
Starting over may be hard, but it'll make you more humble and more appreciative since now you know you can lose it quickly. It may take some time, but you can look at it as a blessing. Everybody deserves a 2nd chance, but not everyone gets one.
(The 2nd Crime Mob reference today)