When the Party is Over...

Picture it.

Super Bowl Sunday, 2049.

Beyonce is a worldwide entertainment legend.

From 2009-2013 she embarks on the I Am...Sasha Fierce Tour (sponsored by L'Oreal, Samsung, Oscar Mayer, Toyota, and the new Dereon Pregnancy Test)

Although it becomes the highest grossing tour in history, when the tour is over she leaves music and focuses her attention on acting.

In 2014 she wins an Oscar playing herself in the film:
"Coward-Ass Bitches: The Life and Times of Destiny's Child".

In 2019 she wins a Pulitzer Prize for her autobiography,"Hating-Ass Internet Bitches: The Autobiography of Miss Beyonce Knowles"

In 2022 she wins a Tony Award for a Broadway musical based on her life struggles entitled
"Fat-Ass Blogger Bitches: The Trials and Tribulations of Beyonce Knowles (music and lyrics by Lil' Boosie)"

In between acting projects she has a very full personal life. She leaves Jay-Z and then they got back together. They have 4 kids: Allegra Carter, Levitra Carter, Cialas Carter, and Viagra Carter. One child for each of Jay's pills.

In 2025 She leaves him again and she and Justin Timberlake get married and the two have a 3-year residency at Ceasar's Palace in Las Vegas along with their interracial family band.

In 2029 She leaves Justin and gets back with Jay-Z. Then leaves Jay-Z again.

In 2031 Beyonce goes through an "experimental" phase with Alicia Keys which doesn't quite work out.

In 2033 Beyonce then gets back together with Jay-Z and in 2037 Beyonce is arrested for pistol-whipping him in a iHop parking lot in Houston,TX. Beyonce claims Jay winked at a waitress. Jay says it was a facial spasm and he appears on the cover of Essence magazine to tell his side of the story.

Beyonce and Jay reconcile and get back together in 2038.

After years of success in acting Beyonce decides, at the age of 68, that it's time to get back into music. She's gonna show these young bitches who the real queen is. So Matthew Knowles Jr. (her new manager and long-lost half-brother) gets her a gig performing at the Super Bowl Halftime show with singing sensation Chris Brown Jr.

A lot is riding on this performance. Most of her old competition have found it hard to maintain success. Rihanna is now a judge on American Idol. Ciara is a background dancer for Baby Daniel's world tour. And Britney Spears is still performing, but her managers have found that instead of making her perform on stage it's a lot easier to put a blond wig on a laptop computer and play her music on iTunes for 2 hours. It has the same of effect of an actual Britney Spears performance and her fans, unsurprisingly, are willing to pay $300 to stare at laptop with a blond wig for 2 hours.

The music industry has changed in the 40 years since Beyonce was the "hottest chick in the game" , This is Beyonce's chance to prove that after 50 years in the game she is still relevant. So Super Bowl Sunday comes. She takes the stage during halftime, and at the end her performance, Chris Brown Jr. rips off Beyonce's House of Dereon zebra-skin jumpsuit exposing her naked 68-year-old body to the world.


TITTIES!

ASS!

You can see her public hairs.
(Bernie Mac ©1998)

White America is OUTRAGED. Television stations are fined millions of dollars. Beyonce's 39 Grammys, her Oscars, her Tony, her Emmy, and her Olympic Gymnastics gold medal (long story), are all taken away. Within a matter of seconds Beyonce goes from worldwide icon to worldwide joke. Her next 5 albums flop. She can no longer fill arenas and has to cancel a tour of church bingo halls and riverboat casinos due to low ticket sales. It seems as though within a matter of seconds, 40 years of hard work is flushed down the toilet.

(sigh)

It's not easy being an icon in the music industry.

There's always a conflict between the artist you are and the artist you used to be.

People agree that you are an icon, but no one wants to buy your new music.

It's too pop for your R&B fans

Too urban for your pop fans

It's too young.

Too old.

Too big.

Too wide.

It won't fit.

You're trying too hard.

You're not trying hard enough.

You don't sing the same.

You've lost your voice.

You don't dance the same.

Your new music doesn't come close to living up to any of your "classic" material.

You are trying to remain relevant in 2009, but to do so you have to constantly remind people of shit you did 20 years ago.

You are competing with artists who weren't even alive when you were in your prime.

You have to attract a new generation of listeners without neglecting the fans who made you famous.

You fight hard to avoid the painful realization that your milkshake just doesn't bring them to the yard like it used to.

You're trying to avoid the fact that the party may be over.

In the music industry it's hard enough to remain relevant for 2 years, let alone 20 years, but the only thing worse than a diva past her prime is a diva who doesn't know she's past her prime.

And the only thing worse than a diva who doesn't know she past her prime are fans who won't accept the fact that their favorite diva is past her prime.

Of course no one around you is going to tell you that you suck, that your voice is gone, that your dance moves are slower, that you've gained weight, or your new music sucks ass, especially if there is still money to be made off of you.

So how do you know when it's time to pack it up?

Fame is a cruel, evil, unfaithful whore. You're are only an exposed nipple, a shaved head, or a cocaine habit away for losing a lifetime's worth of hard work. You can wake up tomorrow and realize that you've been replaced by artists half your age, with half your talent.

When most "legends" release new material or mount a new tour they say it's because they love what they do.

But that's bullshit.

The REAL reason legends stage comebacks is to show the young girls who the original divas were.

Sometimes it works. And Sometimes it doesn't.

But that's the risk you take when you jeopardize your status as an icon trying to do what the young girls do.

As Beyonce continues her quest for legend status I'm sure she is learning from the successes and mistakes of the artists she admires and is learning how to age gracefully both as a person and artist. She's managed to squeeze in a lifetime's worth of iconic accomplishments and performances within a span of 6 years, but I still think her best work is yet to come.

Beyonce's idol, Tina Turner seems to have the right idea about aging with class. Last year she went on Oprah and said, "Look bitch. I'm going on tour. I don't want to work Pharrell, I don't need a new album, I don't want to go on 106 and Park, I don't want to work with the Dream, and I don't need a hook for this shit. I'm going on tour. I'm charging $150 a ticket, and you motherfuckers better be there."

And she sold out every tour date and got great reviews with her dignity, reputation,(and her clothes) still in tact. She was aware of her age yet aware that she was still a great performer who was still relevant.

I guess she realized that at a certain point in your life and musical career no producer, no video, or marketing gimmick is going to make you 27 again, and sometimes the best you can do is focus on the people who appreciate you rather than degrade yourself by trying to appeal to youngsters who are going to think that you are old and played out anyway.

Maybe we should be a little more respectful of our musical veterans and icons because they are the ones who influenced our favorite artists. And it must be hard to wake up one day to see a totally different industry than the one you came up in. It must be even more difficult to try to figure out how you can fit into this new industry, or if you can even fit in at all.


56 comments:

B Strong said...

omg im actually first every line was true, but i wonder how mariah carey fits into this

beyonce haters are transsexual self hatin' twats said...

lol

Anonymous said...

" every line was true, but i wonder how mariah carey fits into this "

It's too pop for your R&B fans
Too urban for your pop fans
It's too young.
Too old.
Too big.
Too wide.
It won't fit.
You're trying too hard.

Anonymous said...

beyonceitis

thank you for the respect bringing respect and dignity to B at these trying times. To me B is very real .Like you said respect your elders ,All those questions they always ask B in interviews are leading. I dont care if she comes off fake when she answers .the only reason why the haters think those answers are fake is because we all know what she wants to say but she cant.
It is easy for us as fans and for those who are haters to say 'she knows she is lying ' but my question to you is

What would you do if it was you in B's shoes when being asked on national tv what you think of your rival .

She can never win

Start practising empathy people

Put yourself in somebody elses shoe for one day


Beyonceitis ,I think you love Beyonce even more than Jay does and I hope she knows about you because you say what everyone is thinking .You just say it in an intellectual way

Before your blog i could not proudly stan for B but know I let it be known I AM oN TEAM B .

I shall keep saying this ,I am 30 way from dumb but do feel B's pain even though she says a lot of dumb shit dont mean she is not talented.

This is music we are talkimg about .
let the ones who know how to dress go to modelling.
the ones who are intelligent should go to med school or something

Beyonce can not be everything she is just an entertainer ,so dont expect her to


Know how to dress
Be intelligent
Be kind (are you kind,really)
Be the most beautiful (beauty is in the......)


JUST GIVE HER A MICROPHONE BECAUSE SINGING IS HER PROFFESION

Anonymous said...

AT LAST............A NEW POST IS COME ON !!!!

H.C said...

Finally a new post, at the right time I was hella mad after the Etta shit & ur post just made my day! thank you I appreciated, really! every line is the complete true! you must be a very smart person! I was laughing so hard at the dereon pregnancy test! I know that Bee is gonna be a legend in the future, she picked the right person to follow that beeing tina turner! I know she's gonna make mistakes allong the way but i'm hopping she won't make BIG mistakes! but I know for sure that i'm gonna support her no matter what!

Anonymous said...

Sorry for my rant earlier ,I really wanted to say a Big THANK YOU as well for this new post.

I will quote you and say

' YOU KNOW ITS'S TRUE '

Anonymous said...

^
I mean

'YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE '

Anonymous said...

MESSAGE!

Kwame said...

THE BITCH (ETTA) IS SENILE... BIPOLAR... SCHIZO... Just let her be! Shake ur head and look the other way! Say "That's cute 4 u Etta... Yea..." And keep it moving! *sigh*

Anonymous said...

I feel you. I wonder what its like being in Etta's shoes. I think the whole thing was hilarious...to say she wanted to whoop Beyonce's ass...crazy!
We just have to consider the source, but respect our elders at the same time.

Anonymous said...

I Bow to you!! you said it better than anyone can ever say it!!! as i've said before, i stan for this sit harder than i stan for bee( and thats saying a lot!)

Anonymous said...

thanks you for the new post:
you are probabaly the first who make me realise that One day,Bee will be in Etta or Aretha place too.

I love bey to death and i was like an-half hater.Just cant stand the bitch !!! now,i can see that she is just the Cadillac,the ROLLS ROYCE of RNB-URBAN-FEMALE-SINGERS=THE QUEEN.

1-Why hate people love to hate each others like that?Are they trying to make her drive crazy like MJ?Brit?

2-Why this Legends are sooooo preoccuped by beyoncé words/opinions/preformances?

Is she the only one in this industry who can make Janet,Etta,Aretha angry/hapy? At least,all your legends know who bey IS even if they can stand her or not.

------------
Am sure barbara S.,Tina turner and Oprah call her to say:dont worry about It girl!!! WE LOVE U BEE

Anonymous said...

correction:why black people ...

Sorry for my english

floacist said...

Well written article here. I still don't like her though, lol. She seems likes a nice person but at the same time I can't help but think her 'emotion' at the Obama inauguration ball was forced.

Is she the only one in this industry who can make Janet,Etta,Aretha angry/hapy? At least,all your legends know who bey IS even if they can stand her or not.


Janet never said anything about Beyonce. Janet and the Jackson family don't talk about people, that's not their style.

truth07 said...

truth 07's predictions for the year 2011

mya- will become a contestant on "dancing with the stars" in order to pay her light bill.

solange- will still be irrelevant. she will go on to star in more skraight to dvd sequels to "bring it on". she will probably continue to freeload off of beyonce and spend bee's money to get another nose job! ooops! did i say that!

christina milian- will finally realize that she CANNOT sing & that is why she doesn't sell any records! and that she is only too be seen NOT heard. look out for her on the cover of "playboy".... hmmm maybe im being too generous try "hustler".

christina aguilera- will have permanently lost her voice from screaming so damn loud!

amerie- will open up a korean soul food restaurant once l.a reid drops her like a hookers panties.

brandy- will probably have her own reality show on mtv titled "confessions of a washed up pop princess"

monica- will embark on her first ever nation wide wal-mart tour! look out for her at a wal-mart near you!

cassie- will become so desperate for attention she will release a sex tape but claim that it was "leaked".

truth07 said...

i forgot a few people.

ciara- will finally get some breast implants and become a las vegas show girl.

fantasia- will finally realize that she has the perfect face for radio & she will get a job at hot
97.

ashanti- will get a job at "deal or no deal" holding a briefcase.

janet jackson- will become a judge on "so you think you can dance"

rihanna- will become the new spokesperson for valtrex

keysha cole- will leave hollywood and go on a spiritual retreat to thailand to get away from her ghetto ass family.

alicia keys- will finally stop lying to herself and come out of the closet.

truth07 said...

oh and one more

mariah carey- will quit singing and open up her own theme park called "MARIAHLAND"

kelly rowland- will finally become a multi platinum superstar who sells out arenas now that she broke free from mathew knowles clutches.

michelle williams- will finally realize that mathew knowles will never put anybody before beyonce or solange and she will follow farrah latavia letoya and kelly's footsteps and leave him! HALLELUJAH!!!

and last but not least (drumroll please)

BEYONCE- she will continue to sell out arenas across the nation collect grammy awards, sell millions of records and crush the competition!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the new post, boo!!! Love you!! FANTASTIC!

Anonymous said...

Well written article here. I still don't like her though, lol. She seems likes a nice person but at the same time I can't help but think her 'emotion' at the Obama inauguration ball was forced.

Is she the only one in this industry who can make Janet,Etta,Aretha angry/hapy? At least,all your legends know who bey IS even if they can stand her or not.


Janet never said anything about Beyonce. Janet and the Jackson family don't talk about people, that's not their style.

February 6, 2009 1:50 PM


She didnt have to ,that Jack Rabbit looking Boyfriend of hers did the taklking for her.

MJ said...

Respect you elders, for without them, we wouldn't be here.


Oh, BTW, I want my soul back for Beyonce and Joe Camel's pill-named kids. I'll be right here waiting...

Anonymous said...

Oh, BTW, I want my soul back for Beyonce and Joe Camel's pill-named kids. I'll be right here waiting...
_


Oh, me too.

Anonymous said...

bee is the shit.
From IT girls stans to Legends stans hatin on her !!!BRAVO

LMAO at all the first part of the post.and i want the long story abbout the gold medal ;-D

Jaz said...

that is so funny cuz two months ago, my dad was telling me about an old singer from back in his day, and i was like "who?"

and he said "a long time from now, you are going to be telling people about beyonce and they are going to say the same thing"

and i was insulted but he was right. lets just hope beyonce goes into legend status gracefully, tina turner style.

NOW how many times do she and jay z break up? LMAO.
and i was just thinking to myself yesterday that i could see Beyonce and Justin together. you read my mind.

I like the title of her autobiographies- "Hating-Ass Internet Bitches" and "Fat-Ass Blogger Bitches!"

melissa said...

I'll always be a beyonce fan!!!

Anonymous said...

This shit was deep. Very deep.

Anonymous said...

"In 2031 Beyonce goes through an 'experimental' phase with Alicia Keys which doesn't quite work out."


LOL I wonder how alicia is doing all these years later besides hitting on middle aged women.
i think she will be around for a long time too.

Mickey said...

fuck you for writing so well. you need to write my english essays.

rihanna sucks said...

I laughed. I became saddened. I reminisced. I related. I died.

Thank You!!! :-D

btw... your tags are PRICELESS!!!

soulwriter said...

You...need...to...STOP!!! I almost went into premature labor reading this!!! And when I saw that pregnancy test....LAWD!!!

Anonymous said...

"bee is diabolic girl,she didnt send flowers and chocolates boxes to rih during her strip to the hospital".JUST WAIT !!!!!!!

h.c said...

LMFAO at : "you're supposed to put a ring on her finger...not around her eye" wow! can you beleive this shit! chris brown! I think he just got mad bc she gived him herpes! I hope the situation will get clear! I woudn't mind the music industry whitout chris or rihanna tough! well let's look at the good side now people have something else to talk about other than the Beyonce vs etta thing!
oh & what a boring grammy that was, I guess you can't call it a show whitout Beyonce!

Anonymous said...

Domestic violence is not funny. with that said...recent events surely make your "Rihanna gets the squirts" post even funnier. and the new "you're supposed to put a ring on her finger...not around her eye" line...i can't ::holding back laughter:: my conscience will not allow me to find humor in it.

lildrummerboi said...

lol...a mess (@ the headline)

Anonymous said...

@11:58
No one sait that!!
but do you think,sexual diseases are funny?

Anonymous said...

@12:55, im just saying i know i shouldn't laugh at this whole situation,because people go through this EVERYDAY and it gets no publicity, but beyonceitis is making it really hard for me to keep my conscience in check. sheesh.

Anonymous said...

This shit aint even funny anymore. By the way did yall see on mediatakeout.com when Etta James says she don't like Beyonce? Now that's funny!

Anonymous said...

This shit aint even funny anymore. By the way did yall see on mediatakeout.com when Etta James says she don't like Beyonce? Now that's funny!
----------------------------

Yep, that was funny.

It was even funnier last week when it happened.

Anonymous said...

This shit aint even funny anymore. By the way did yall see on mediatakeout.com when Etta James says she don't like Beyonce? Now that's funny!
----------------------------

Yep, that was funny.

It was even funnier last week when it happened.

Anonymous said...

i dont understand.it's funny or not?
u said it in a ironic way or what!Yes,it's funny to see rih plays with the media and then the media plays with her(like Paris Hilton).But No,it's domestic violence and Herpes are not Funny at all.

what amaze me!the HOB site/others blogs were like:
-bey and jay are a fuke couple;they never kiss each other,they dont love each other

-rih and chris are so adorable,the new Hip-hop royalty couple.My ass !!!
Apparence,appaence

Anonymous said...

*fake

Chae said...

Alicia Keys = LEGEND!

Anonymous said...

::raise your hand if you think herpes or domestic violence is funny::

i expect no one to be raising there hands. because it's not funny.

it's ironic. almost satirical. like this is scripted or something.

but it's not. and thats the sad part.

GO BEY!

Mother Winslow said...

Child, don't pay no 'tention to Etta. Hell! How you gon' pay her some mind and the woman don't support Barack...

With his fine and tender ass... Don't let me get him alone, I'll pull that wedding band of his finger, throw it on the nightstand, work it out on him, put him to bed, and pack my kitty kat up, touch him in the morning and just walk smooth away like it ain't never happened.

But don't pay her no mind. Her wig was a lil' loose that day. She probably got it turnt around in the parking lot, before her show.

She bet not say nuttin else bout my godchild.

Anonymous said...

hey,Mother Winslow,is that really you?

oh ohho hoohoh
:-D

Michelle Obama said...

I'ma come fo' that @$$ Mother Winslow, ya' nasty freak---Chi-Town STAND UP!!!

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