YouTube Hits 100 Milli

It was announced today that YouTube set a new record when they had over 100 million viewers in the month of January in the United States.

97 million of those viewers were Beyonce haters.

Because I am a rising entre-po-niggra I am always trying to find ways to expand my biznass and get more people to my blog. I guess I could go to BeyonceWorld and advertise there, but if you recall I AM STILL BANNED!. So I decided to interview YouTube's Marketing Research Director Heywood Jablomi to see how YouTube has become so successful. Here are excerpts from our interview:

Me: So how have Beyonce haters generated so many YouTube hits?

Heywood Jablomi: Our market research shows that Beyonce haters operate under the assumption that EVERYBODY wants to hear about their hate of Beyonce. Instead of trying promote music they they do like, they feel the need to bring Beyonce's name up in real-life situations that have absolutely nothing to do with her.

They bring her up in videos that are NOT related to her:

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They bring her name up when they pay rent:

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They even bring her name up when they give tithes and offerings to the Lord:

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Some of them are even so sad and pitiful that they register on Beyonce-related message boards, with hardcore Beyonce stans and hate on her.


Me: But that doesn't make any sense. If you don't like Beyonce why would you spend time at a place filled with her pictures, her music, and people who love her more than life. That's like if I hated Pizza Hut pizza but I liked Papa John's pizza. Why would I go to Pizza Hut and tell people not to eat there. I mean, the people wouldn't already be there if they didn't like Pizza Hut, and I have just wasted my time and made myself look very stupid instead of just eating at Papa John's and going on about my business.I don't think Beyonce haters aren't that transparent.

Heywood Jablomi: Yes they are. CNN.com posted a story about a possible cure to HIV. Then they posted a story which gave out an address to where people could get unlimited $100 dollar bills (no strings attached). Then they posted a story about Beyonce eating chicken nuggets. The HIV story got 3 comments. The story on how to get free $100 bills got 2 comments. The Beyonce story got 5,429,387 comments, most of which were negative. We're not sure how a person can find something negative about a person eating chicken nuggets, but I'll be damned if they didn't find a way. Haters complain about her being overexposed yet they can't keep her name out of their mouth, and will not miss an opportunity to click on a link with the word "Beyonce" in it. We at YouTube used this to our advantage.

Me: How?

Heywood Jablomi: We create fake Beyonce hater accounts. We have dozens of fake accounts with names like: "Beyonceisfake" "Beyonceisabitch" "IHateBeyonce" "BeyonceSucks".

Me: What's the point of doing that?

Heywood Jablomi: We have found that creating fake hater accounts attract real haters and real stans. Some stans spend more time looking for haters than they do looking for actual Beyonce videos. And when they find them, the stans take the links back to message boards, and they bring back about 1000 people to YouTube. And those 1000 people (most of whom are undercover stans of other artists) take those links to other artists message boards, and they take them put it on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, YourSpace, YoMamaSpace, GaySpace, and anybody who will listen to them. Then they bring 1000 people, and those 1000 people bring 1000 people, and so on, and so on...

Me: Wait a minute. Why would a Beyonce stan take a Beyonce hater link to a Beyonce message board. Why would they promote hate of Beyonce?

Heywood Jablomi: I don't know. Common sense goes out of the window when dealing with Beyonce. I guess they think that they can convert the hater into a stan. But as Kanye West so eloquently stated "Hater niggas marry hater bitches and have hater kids." Hate starts in the womb. Hate is embedded in our DNA, it's genetic. People are born that way. You can help it and you can't change it. Embrace it. We at YouTube have just found a way to make money from it. We have made billions and billions of dollars of Beyonce haters and stans.

Me: I see... Well... Can I hold something?

Heywood Jablomi: Umm. no.

Me: Oh. Well, what do you think would happen if Beyonce stans minded their business and stayed at BeyonceLand, and Beyonce haters took their hateful energy for Beyonce and transformed into love for somebody else. The energy they use to hate, what if they used it to promote other artists, buy their albums, request their songs at the radio. It takes all of about 30 seconds to buy a song on iTunes, but a "Beyonce Had Plastic Surgery" video takes at least an hour. What if everybody just minded their business and worried only about the things they liked, instead hating on the things they didn't like?

Heywood Jablomi: The whole damn internet would shut down...


45 comments:

Anonymous said...

i didnt read but i want to be first

TC said...

LOL at Anonmous damn I should'a just commented then read it...but Why would U compare Ashanti and Beyonce...People on youtube or idiots

Anonymous said...

It takes all of about 30 seconds to buy a song on iTunes, but a "Beyonce Had Plastic Surgery" video takes at least an
------------
DAWN I HATE U,SO FUNNY

love that Ciara page,how can the last comment ,1 week old,talk about beyoncé on a ciara page?

LOL@ ASHAnti.
LMAO @THE PIZZA HUT PART.if i'm a lil smart,the goal of your blog is to try to understand THAT PIZZA HUT PART.

H.C said...

OMG, Beyonceitis what's going on with you lately?!! I can't believe it, i'm in shoke right now, how come we have a post everyday?!! I'm in denial, whatever it's going on, I just wanna say: thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

that's was so so true what you said, youtube seems full of Beyonce haters, they are everywhere, one time I was checking Martin Luther King famous speech on youtube, & after I fineshed it with teary eyes, I decided to check the very first comments, & yes baby Beyonce's name was there, on a video of the "I Have A Dream" speech that was posted 2 years ago; & Beyonce's name is right there! how in the hell could you think of Beyonce while watching THAT speech?!! just how?! & it was a hater not a stan just so you know!

Mealy01 said...

if your name was Mother Winslow on Bwb then i knew it!!!!!

Anonymous said...

LMAO!!! You only speak the TRUTH!! Mathew need to give you some type of damn check!!

Keeper of Beyonce's Birth Control Pills said...

Mealy01 said...
if your name was Mother Winslow on Bwb then i knew it!!!!!
-------------------------

Me and Mother Winslow were two different people. Mother Winslow is another blogger who shall not be named...but I think she may want to be named...

Anonymous said...

Also note that a lot of the Beyonce talk is started by some of us saying that Beyonce is better than everybody else, then saying, where the haters at?

The Legend said...

I cant believe we've been getting so many updates. Praise Beysus! Lol! I cant seem to understand why people will go out of their way just to watch a Beyonce video and then talk trash about it. I dont like ashANTI but I dont watch her videos on youtube just to talk about her. And that part about the people coming on Beyonce messages boards are so true.

Morgan said...

all hail queen creole. another post. i love it.

am i the only one that caught "hey would you blow me"? hahaha i sounded it out...sounding exxtrra slow.

the sandra rose check killed me. she is nothing but a jealous ole' hatin ass hag.(and i mean that in the most sincerest way possible)

Fletcher's Old Lady said...

Mealy01 said...
if your name was Mother Winslow on Bwb then i knew it!!!!!
-------------------------

Me and Mother Winslow were two different people. Mother Winslow is another blogger who shall not be named...but I think she may want to be named...

---

Only snitches name names

Anonymous said...

another post today,cant believe it:
So lets pray together

Our Beyonce who’s in heaven Hallowed be thy name
thy music done thy will have fun on earth as it is in heaven
gives us those lacefronts our daily source of hair
and forgive us …… you finish im sure you know it well
i steal it,but DAWN*ybf* get ur credit)

Anonymous said...

OMG! Sandra's check just killed me. LMAO, and i bet she does sign her checks that way too!!!! you are too much. i love this site!

melissa said...

"What if everybody just minded their business and worried only about the things they liked, instead hating on the things they didn't like?" - Only if the world was really like that we'd be okay!

wigcryptcreeper said...

I can't believe yet another post!

And YES! This is something I think about all the time! Bey has literally ingrained herself into our lives SO much that people are mentioning her when it doesn't even matter! ugh

Yet again: another brilliant post. More truth. More laughter.

thank you

Now if only we could get some big-time national exposure for these posts that make people stop and think...

wigcryptcreeper said...

P.S.: Where's our hidden trivia question?! I mean what's the point of posting comments if the chance of winning a Wig Crypt Gift Basket filled with $2,943 in unsold Dereon jumpsuits, a $50 Rocawear gift card, Michelle Williams' old Boost Mobile with 12 minutes left, an autographed copy of Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams, a bottle of Dereon wig glue (holds as hard as a ROC!), and a free car wash by Kelly Rowland.

(No, we will never be pleased.)

wigcryptcreeper said...

* "if" should be "without"!

oops

Anonymous said...

Dead@ the pastor car note and jail bond fund.

Anonymous said...

My ONLY question is what in the HELL were you doing watching an Ashanti Youtube video?! LOL

Anonymous said...

LMAO AT SANDRA ROSE CHEQUE lol and the church offerings

Anonymous said...

Sandra decided to overpay this month!

Go head girl...cash them checks!

MJ said...

You were right about the Internet shutting down. Mine almost did! Queen Beyweavus Creole Carter VIII and her lacefront power the whole world wide web (you can log in anywhere. That girl will take us there.)

Leona Lewis's man-parts said...

OMG, you wrote that as if that doesn't happen to Rihanna too!!!





















.......
jk i just wanted to piss you off for a second haha. it's not beyonceitis without some asshole mentioning De Forehead for no reason

Anonymous said...

@6:57 pm
take your rerelisianna stan'ass out of here !
can this bitch's stans give us a rest in our lil' sasha fierce representative Land ?

Anonymous said...

keri Diss-on have the audacity to say that she wasnt talkin' about a person in particular and add that beyonce is a fan of her too?

why she cant she just make a haircut(blonde wig) like the 2 other bitches/then fuck for tracks with the Dream? if it's not enough,you can add jay-z on the track to expect a best Rap collaboration grammy!

Anonymous said...

12:01am- id like to win $2,943 in unsold Dereon jumpsuits. lmao

Mickey said...

infinitely sad but true

shucks said...

7:33 missed the joke

Prettyrikki said...

That check is pure genius...i miss u!!

Anonymous said...

Rocsi : Hey Beyonce , what do you think of Keri Hilson ??

Beyonce : What's a Keri Hilson ? Gurl you know i can't publicly endorse hair products that are not L'Oreal !

Rocsi : No no girl ! Keri Hilson is the girl who wrote Love in the club part II , she was mad that you're better than her at everything , but not limited to singing , so she dissed you in a remix ...

Beyonce : Ohh she did ? ... Um Well you know... I'm so blessed to have been in this industry... for as long as i've been in this industry , and i love what i do .

Rocsi : Yeh okayy... But what do you think of foolish bitches coming at you ?

Beyonce : ... And to have my mum and dad.. my father is my manager , and my mother is my stylist , it gets hard sometimes , but i'm so glad to have them , they're keeping grounded .

Rocsi : So you wont comment on the bitch ?

Beyonce : ... And my nephew juelz , who's at home watching... Fuck it ! you know what , i've been politically correct for far too long !!! these bitches been hating on me since i first came out on the scene .. I'm sorry , my bad.. Solange , Kelly & Michelle i love you guys , Tyty , Angie . Chris Brown.. I mean Jay Brown .... Have a beautiful night !

Anonymous said...

@5:06 PM
thanks,thans,it's like we have a post everyday now....pure beyonceitis-ish

you forgot:amazing,amazing ...my life is amazing and the traditional I FEEL BLESS TO DO WHAT I DO
:-D

Anonymous said...

*sorry,you put the:i feel bless already !!!

Anonymous said...

omg ive heard that same interview like a million times lol
exactly

Anonymous said...

@ 5:06 " What's a Keri Hilson ? " LMAO

Anonymous said...

i gotta agree with you {once again}
there i am watching some india arie
song on you tube and someone brings up beyonce's name. How the hell you even gonna compare those two?? anyways just had to vent that . lol.

Anonymous said...

i gotta agree with you {once again}
there i am watching some india arie
song on you tube and someone brings up beyonce's name. How the hell you even gonna compare those two?? anyways just had to vent that . lol.


You cant. Apple and Oranges. However they are both beautiful,song writing, and live performing artists.

They should do a song together.

pyramids said...

Loved it. As always!

Keeping it Real said...

Anonymous said...
i gotta agree with you {once again}
there i am watching some india arie
song on you tube and someone brings up beyonce's name. How the hell you even gonna compare those two?? anyways just had to vent that . lol.
-------------------------

The worst part is the Erykah Badus, Jill Scotts, India.Aries, Alicia Keys, and other "real" artists don't have a problem with Beyonce.

Jill has said that Beyonce has a wonderful voice:

http://www.laweekly.com/2005-08-04/music/sista-act

Erykah Badu shouted out Beyonce on stage, and Alicia has spoken highly of Beyonce on several occassions (and went on tour with her)

Anonymous said...

'People would be surprised as to the lack of experiences I've had,' she says. 'When I was 12, 13 I had my first boyfriend, and he was my boyfriend till I was 17. At that age, that was a long time. I've always been very loyal and a little more mature. Though I was too young for it to really be a boyfriend - we didn't live together, we didn't, you know… That was my only experience with a guy, and since then I've only had one other boyfriend in my life - Jay.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/3563004/Beyonc%C3%A9-dream-girl.html
-------------------------------
Well, fortunately I haven’t had any break-ups! This [her marriage to Jay Z] is my first relationship,” stated Bey when asked whose songs help her get through heartache the way her songs do for her fans.”
--------------
SO SHE IS LIAR?
BEYONCE YOU BETTER STAY BORING AND PRIVATE LIKE BEFORE,PEOPLE JUST DONT WANNA LOVE YOU!

Anonymous said...

^^^^^
well you must be very lonly to think that people actually consider "teenage love affairs" as REAL relationships! lol!

Anonymous said...

@6:03PM
my point is the more she gives details about her life the more people wont believe her.

Anonymous said...

@ 6:32
so sorry!! I got you wrong! I apoligize it's just that I've been hearing a lot of people talking about that comment it doesn't seem enough for theme that she said she had a boyfriend when she was a teen like millions times before now she decides not to talk about him & all hell broke loose!
sorry again!

Sofa King Stoopid said...

She didn't give any details, just general facts. She didn't tell us how big it is, what it smell likes or if it hangs to the left, to the left, she just said this was her first real relationship, and honestly there's nothing really newsworthy about that.

And furthermore only she knows her life, so if she says that's how it is, who are we to call her liar?

Anonymous said...

DEAD @ SOFA STOOPID
she makes this statement while promoting IASF because of the AVE MARIA lyrics.she wanna clear-up but you know haters are what they are!
it's wasnt a PUBLICITY à la BRITTANY SPEARS

;-) no problem @ 7:10 pm

Tameika said...

Ummmmmm, I stay at Kitchen Ass Apartments and the rent is $41.08 a month. Thank you very much......
LOVE your blog, do what you do, and dammit do it well!!!!