I Am... Disgusted With All of You

Last week was pretty much one of the best weeks in Beyonce's career. She kicked off her world tour, her movie debuted at #1, Halo moved up a little bit, and she got her real estate license. I didn't go see "Obsessed". I had...um..shit to do... And by shit I mean not sit beside your country ass while you yelled "Whoop her ass Beyonce!" at the screen for 2 hours. My nerves can't take it. People were yelling at the screen during Toyota Cadillac Records, so I can only imagine the kind of niggatry going on at the Magic Johnson Theater during the 7:40PM Saturday night showing of "Obsessed"

Thank you, but no thank you.

Sorry for my absence. Actually I'm not sorry. I hate all of you today. I am sincerely and completely disgusted with each and every one of you. I really was going to wait to write a new passage until my life settled down, but I know you got tired of coming to the blog and seeing Miss Man Thing.

But nonetheless, here's why I hate you all:

1. I Am...Disgusted With Ticketmaster.

First of all congratulations to Beyonchichi on the success of her tour. What the other niggra blogs will not tell you is that last weekend she sold more concert tickets than any other solo artist in the industry, the only acts that sold more tickets were U2 and Aerosmith, and U2 is playing 70,000-seat stadiums, so all stanning aside that's a good look for urban music tours in general which historically have not done as well as their white counterparts. And if you hypocritical blogging bitches would report the WHOLE truth, and not the lies or half truths that other record companies pay you to write, then you would know that.

But I digress...

So anyway, I log on Saturday morning to get my tickets to see Beyonce in DC. Then Ticketmaster gives me this message:

Photobucket

You tangy bastards took all the good seats within an hour. I had good seats at the Beyonce Experience, the Janet concert, and the Alicia Keys concert, and I REALLY wanted those on-stage seats where you're close enough to get Beyonce's lacefront sweat on you. I refuse to spend $95 to sit all the way out in the damn parking lot to where Beyonce and her dancers look like a bunch of bedazzled ants.

2. I Am...Disgusted With Beyonce's "Friendship" with Rihanna

So I'm watching Beyonce's interview on Larry King Live on YouTube (Jesus has not yet formed a fence around my Comcast Cable situation). As usual Larry King looked like death sucking on a lifesaver.

I can tell he was horny for Beyonce, well, as much as a 274-year-old man can get horny. Beyonce was her usual cheery self, answering all the questions, showing everything she learned in Celestine's Creole Charm School. Smile. Sit like a lady. Answer politely. Keep a switchblade in your purse.

The highlight of the interview is when Larry asked Beyonce about her feelings about "the incident", and Beyonce said "Rihanna is like family."

As you know I am not welcome at BeyonceWorld, but I can about imagine that there was a 20 page argument about what Beyonce meant by "family".

EXAMPLE:

Beyonce Stan #1 :I know she didn't just say that.

Beyonce Stan #2: Somebody must be messing with CNN's audio.

Beyocne Stan #3: She must mean they are like family like we are all God's children, cause I know good and hell well she ain't say she was family with that bitch.

Yes, after almost 3 years of hating Rihanna, rolling our eyes at Rihanna, making voodoo dolls that look Rihanna and sticking pins in the forehead, it's hard to imagine that Beyonce and Rihanna are homegirls.

You know how I feel about Robyn. I like her music, LOVE her style, but I'm annoyed when people compare the two. In my opinion if you compare Rihanna and Beyonce then you have totally missed the point of what Beyonce is trying to do, and in many ways what Rihanna is trying to do. They are two seperate artists and should be treated as such.

Yet despite the fact that Beyonce herself said that Rihanna is family I know some of you can't picture Beyonce and Rihanna holding hands and skipping down Fifth Avenue. Or Rihanna sitting next to Cousin Bootsie and Cousin Chevron at the Dereon Family Fish Fry. But I have photographic proof that Beyonce and Rihanna are BFFs!

EXHIBIT A

Photobucket

Here is Beyonce and Rihanna all up on each other at a basketball game. I thought they were going to start making out. Beyonce let Rihanna go through her wig warehouse and wear her Dreamgirls Lacefront #48. from the scene where Deena snitches on Curtis to the feds.


EXHIBIT B

Photobucket


Here is a picture of several of Rihanna's 343 tattoos. She has several tatoos dedicated to Beyonce, includng the House of Dereon logo.


EXHIBIT C

Photobucket

Here is a picture of Rihanna and Beyonce at Club Bucknasty in Augusta, Georgia during A Milli Mondays" The look they were going for was "low-budget" and "ass-backwards". So they hired Ciara's stylist.

I also have photos of Beyonce and Rihanna from Solange's "I Just Got My Living Room Furniture Off Layaway" Party presented by Patron Silver, and Rihanna's "The Swelling Has Gone Down" Party presented by Ciroc. But those are private.




3. I Am...Disgusted With People Spoiling the Tour.

When I spend $10 to see a movie at the picture show I DON'T want to know the ending so I will never understand why people would spend $100+ to go to concert and you know EVERY FUCKING THING that's going to happen before it happens. Half of the excitement in life is surprises. I just don't want you bitches to go to the concert and say "That show was kinda boring" Well, maybe if you hadn't spent the last four months watching it over and over on YouTube it wouldn't have been as boring, but your punk ass knew every thing that was going to happen. Some of us still like to be surprised. I have resisted the urge to watch YouTube videos of the I Am...Better Than All You Hoes World Tour (presented by Hamburger Helper) but for some reason I know quite a few details about the show, because even if you are trying NOT to be spoiled, inconsiderate ass niggas work tour details into everyday conversations:

EXAMPLE:

At the bank...

Me: I would like to make a deposit in my checking account.
Teller: Oh ok. Would you like your account balance?
Me: Yes, thank you.
Teller: Would like to see Beyonce's whole set list?
Me: NO!


4. I Am...Disgusted with Stans

One thing I have learned is that stans are never satisfied. It baffles me how Beyonce has become so famous and yet she does all the wrong things in the eyes of her stans. She picks the wrong singles, the wrong videos, the wrong outfits, her stage doesn't look like Britney's blah, blah,blah,blah, bark, bark.

Go stab yourselves. NOW!

I've been watching YouTube video's of Michael Jackson's stage shows and his sets have always been relatively simple. I guess he didn't need the clowns, monkeys, elephants, lions, tigers, and bears on stage because the thought was if your talent is big enough there isn't much room on stage for a lot other stuff. I guess it's not enough that Beyonce is #1 she has to do everything we want her to do, at the exact moment we want her to do it.



5. I Am...Disgusted with YouTube

Last week was the official death of legitimate journalism.

Really?

A hoax?

Did you really have to call America's Most Wanted, Unsolved Mysteries, Ghostbusters, and Matthew Knowles to realize that this wasn't real.

Also last week I watched Beyonce on David Letterman. Then I watched a video of someone summarizing Beyonce on David Letterman, then I watched a video of someone responding to that person summarizing Beyonce on David Letterman...It wasn't funny or witty, it was just someone describing what they saw on TV like they were 5 years old.

Like seriously?

Is all of that really necessary?

Aside from B. Scott, Alexyss Tylor, or whoever this dude is, if you are a vlogger I'm going to need you to go play in Brandy traffic.

Now.


And last, but certainly not least.

I Am... Disgusted With Beyonce!

Look at this trick:

Photobucket

It's getting to the point where I just don't want to be her friend anymore. The chick is just...disgusting. It should be illegal for a person to slaughter the game this bad and this hard. If you made a list of the hottest chicks in the game it would Beyonce and big ass space and then random ass chicks in no particular order because nobody cares about them. In the midst of the hit movie, the hit tour, the hit singles, and the hit album I realized that Beyonce's competition is not to be found in the current crop of pop/R&B chickens. We're going to have to go to a laboratory and create a group of bionic, killer robot R&B, singing, dancing, acting, Nintendo-selling bitches. That's the only way to beat Beyonce. Either that or Beyonce's competition hasn't been born yet.


135 comments:

srewolf said...

this is just too much bitch!!!
these bits litterally killed me...(this is my spirit typing..)

"Sorry, every gay male in America is on Ticketmaster right now."

"everything she learned in Celestine's Creole Charm School. Smile. Sit like a lady.
Answer politely. Keep a switchblade in your purse."

"The look they were going for was "low-budget" and "ass-backwards". So they hired Ciara's stylist."

"if you are a vlogger I'm going to need you to go play in Brandy traffic."

MMGagu said...

man... I love you!!!!! I check your websites once every couple days just to see if there's an update.

LMAO at the picture of Rihanna and Beyonce at Club Bucknasty in Augusta

Anonymous said...

"Here is a picture of Rihanna and Beyonce at Club Bucknasty in Augusta, Georgia during A Milli Mondays" The look they were going for was "low-budget" and "ass-backwards". So they hired Ciara's stylist."


Thank you that was the funniest post since testicles difficulties !!

Jia said...

There aren't too many people's blogs that I can read when they write such long posts but I SWEAR you keep me SO entertained LMAO!!!

I was in stitches! HILARIOUS!

Tootie said...

VP u my hero! Cue mariah carey

H.C said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOL! sooo damn funny & soo true! I'm glad we don't have to look at that thing anymore!
I too am disgusted with stans & youtube! shit I never knew that our dear Queen sold more tickets than any other trick out there!
& even tough you are disgusted with us Beyonceitis, we still got mad love for you, & why didn't you run after Beyonce when she walked out of the 106&park studio? if you did you would have a greet&meet package right now for free!

AveBercy said...

I'm sooooo agreeing with you on tour and surprises. People suck! Stop spoiling!

Anonymous said...

I'm disgusted with your ass too!!

WHy did this shit give me chill bumps!! I hate your talented ass!

LOL!!

Anonymous said...

This blog is simply amazing.

"Like death sucking on a lifesaver." Priceless.

Halo said...

Thank you for getting Mr.Lipsy\Tangy\Lather me up in BBQ sauce ..off the top of the page, he needed to go
<-----

Great Blog, had me rolling

btw "It's Too Big, It's Too Wide ..It's Too SKRONG" LMAO

Anonymous said...

Gossip blogs are so pathetic , a fan posted a picture of an arena on beyonce's tour , the place was PACKED and gossip blogs reported that the venue was half empty !

Tayda said...

New post?

ALL I CAN SAY IS YESSSSSSSSS!

Now I must read it.

Tayda said...

Check the credits, ho. Where are my check(s).

Loved it.

You haven't been around in a dog's age so I'll just catch you up on the happenings in the life of myself...

Yesterday, I slept over at Tootie's because I was super fucking drunk. We braided each other's hair. Well, she braided mine. I wrangled with her lil' taste of juniper hair and it was not the business before or after. I admit. I can't comb hair.

Wayne tried to jip me on my legacy. Pull out your Tracfone and add this to your to do list:

-Kill Wayne.
-Buy Tootie new weave.
-Baby Daniel needs new socks.

That's all the time I have for now. Kisses.

Mr. FAMU said...

Loved this post. And you aren;t the only one sick of video bloggers. If you not B. Scott or that Who is Keri Hilson guy please get off YOUTUBE!

ANd yes beyonce is sicknan and she must be stopped! But her tour deforce will land at the BET awards and the world is gonna blow up.

mr big stuff said...

@ mrfamu

I forgot all about the bet awards..I wonder if she will even grace them with her prescence..remeber last year erybody said she was gonna be there to perform "love in this club pt 2" I know the deja vu performance was the best performance bet awards has ever seen and then the cater to u was right behind that

Anonymous said...

Classic post lmaooooooooooooo the best website lol

Tayda said...

Wait a minute? Beyonce is gonna be at BET Awards 09?

http://i40.tinypic.com/2e4keg1.jpg

I ain't stupid. I heard this joke before.

lildrummerboi said...

LOL... I will not fall for that, "Beyonce will be performing on the BET Awards Show" BS again. I refuse...

The embarrassment brought on by Brother Beyonceitis last year still haunts my soul til this day. Why? Because I was one of the many sittin in front of the TV doing everything he posted we were...

Pray my strength..(dead at Toyota Records)

Mr. FAMU said...

Well yall dont lose faith just yet. The prayers of a righteous stan availeth much you know.

So lets hope creole wonder child graces the BET Awards stage for 2009. Each year she released an album she has performed so if history proves correct we will be getting a I Am Legend caliber performance.

BET should have learned its lesson this time. Worst BET awards since the first one where they had a real '74 caprice classic to do the fog machine.

Beyonce is Soooo Under-Rated said...

Beyonce's competition has NOT yet been born, that should be the name of this site, Mod-Beyonceitis, You are a Fucking Genius, Beyonce's competition has NOT yet been born, So True...

Beyonce is Soooo Under-Rated said...

Beyonce has been Shitting on these HOES for Years...

Tayda said...

Mr. FAMU said...

"...we will be getting a I Am Legend caliber performance."


---

I Am... Legend? So what you saying is Beyonce stole her album name from Will Smith and she'll kill a mutant golden retriever on stage, then Mama Tina will come out skin it and make Air Bud hats for the backup dancers?

Word?

tootie said...

Yesterday, I slept over at Tootie's because I was super fucking drunk. We braided each other's hair. Well, she braided mine. I wrangled with her lil' taste of juniper hair and it was not the business before or after. I admit. I can't comb hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Bitch A lie! Toots got Indian remy in her head ho. Not that creole voodoo doll shit yall keep in the crypt. *hair fling on dem hoes*

Jaz said...

lets start another rumor: beyonce is gonna perform the ego remix with kanye at the bet awards everyone! spread the word.


the bet awards are all about beyonce and monique anyways. (and video footage of matthew clapping in the audience w/money signs in his eyes while she performs).


anywyas this post was great. and i dont blame you for not wanting to sit in a crowded room watching obsessed. im serious i got a headache when i watched it. half from the ghetto black people in the audience, and half from the crazy white bitch. those 2 dont mix!

Ariel_V said...

"I also have photos of Beyonce and Rihanna from Solange's "I Just Got My Living Room Furniture Off Layaway" Party presented by Patron Silver, and Rihanna's "The Swelling Has Gone Down" Party presented by Ciroc. But those are private."


DEAD*

Mr. FAMU said...

@ Tayda said...

The manicans from the trunk in the Diva video will be used as the zombie people?

Can we get someone to sketch the performance?

-----------------------------------
Agnes Dereon approved this message.

MJ said...

Death sucking a lifesaver. I need to add that to my vocabulary.

Another Beyonce rumor:

Beyonce (top billing, of course) will perform on stage with Patti Labelle, Natalie Cole, Tina Turner, Gladys Knight, Brandy, Monica, and Whitney Houston all doing I'm Every Woman, followed by them doing the Stanky Legg.

Anonymous said...

Beyonce (top billing, of course) will perform on stage with Patti Labelle, Natalie Cole, Tina Turner, Gladys Knight, Brandy, Monica, and Whitney Houston all doing I'm Every Woman, followed by them doing the Stanky Legg.
--------------------------

Knowing BET, that could actually happen...minus Brandy of course, because limos do NOT park themselves.

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

Damn you for those pictures.

Damn you to hell for the "Ticketmaster screenshot".

Damn you straight to hell (do not pass Atlanta, do not collect 200 2-liters of Coke) for Solo's and Rihanna's party themes and "Go play in Brandy traffic".

And commenters: there isn't a lick of good sense among you! LMAO

Oh, and Anon 8:28: You know nobody's letting Brandy behind the wheel of a car in such a confined space!

I REALLY needed this tonight.

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

Oh, and I was surprised you used dude's Keri Whoson rant instead of "Turn My Fag On".

Beyonceitis stan said...

hahahaaa. i love, love, love, LOVE this site. too funny. OMG! How do you come up with this stuff? You need to be writing for SNL, better yet, you need to have your own show on comedy central.


P.S i just love how Bee proves haters wrong EVERY TIME!!

CC said...

Ciara is up to his old tricks again. This dude has to be stopped.

Anonymous said...

CC said...
Ciara is up to his old tricks again. This dude has to be stopped.

______________________________________________________________________

(sigh) What has Cecil Prince Harris done now? Got caught flashing his penis to Justin Timberlake again?

Mike said...

That last paragraph was absolutely brilliant!!!! You dropped me on the opening and then lifted me up at the end!

Anonymous said...

i must totally agree w/your stand on tour spoilers...i'm officially off clicking on images of her in tour or watching any more video b/c i want my $160 worth...secondly gurl, you didn't do the pre-sale?? if you didn't do the pre-sale your seats are shitty...thirdly the diva video does suck but that don't make me a bad fan...fourthly, I'm wearing a onsie to the show on 7/10 in support of Sasha and I think it would be fab if all her other fans do too--so let's hoe it out yall...onsies for everybody!!!

Anonymous said...

i must totally agree w/your stand on tour spoilers...i'm officially off clicking on images of her in tour or watching any more video b/c i want my $160 worth...secondly gurl, you didn't do the pre-sale?? if you didn't do the pre-sale your seats are shitty...thirdly the diva video does suck but that don't make me a bad fan...fourthly, I'm wearing a onsie to the show on 7/10 in support of Sasha and I think it would be fab if all her other fans do too--so let's hoe it out yall...onsies for everybody!!!

-----------------------

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Tayda said...

@ Tootie
Bitch A lie! Toots got Indian remy in her head ho. Not that creole voodoo doll shit yall keep in the crypt. *hair fling on dem hoes*

----

Did you just hair fling like College Hill Kyle when he sat on them stairs?

And whoever said Brandy is going to be parking limos... I wish I felt like opening Photobucket. I have gif for you.

And since we starting rumors that ain't gone never happen:

After Beyonce helps GS Boys finish the Stanky Legg, she will take off her wig and fling it into the crowd, into Terrence Howard's lap. That Cater 2 U performance has her thinking about non-camel dick, y'all.

Tayda said...

Turn My Fag On?









Why?












What have I ever done to you?

Lil' Creole Pimp said...

Jia said...
"There aren't too many people's blogs that I can read when they write such long posts..."

----

Oh, you too GOOD to read MY shit?

Rob said...

"Here is a picture of Rihanna and Beyonce at Club Bucknasty in Augusta, Georgia during A Milli Mondays" The look they were going for was "low-budget" and "ass-backwards". So they hired Ciara's stylist."

GO TO HELL LMBAO! I stan hard for bey but i am hating her for not coming to Ontario again!

CC said...

Anonymous said


(sigh) What has Cecil Prince Harris done now? Got caught flashing his penis to Justin Timberlake again?

----------------------

He has straight ripped Queen Creole in his album booklet. This fool has the nerve to have on a leotard and one glove.

Tayda said...

True. It's common knowledge that Beyonce invented, IN FACT, both the leotard and single glove.

That bitch also invented nylon, tangerines, seatbelts, teabagging, and ankle socks.

I guess we all jacking her swag, right?

Anonymous said...

GO TO HELL LMBAO! I stan hard for bey but i am hating her for not coming to Ontario again!

May 1, 2009 4:49 AM

--------------------------
She's coming to Toronto on July 20. it's outside though. You may be too pretty to sit outside for 3 hours.

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

I HEART you!! I really really do!

-OG

Anonymous said...

CC said...

He has straight ripped Queen Creole in his album booklet. This fool has the nerve to have on a leotard and one glove.
________________________________________________________

tsk, tsk she better go back to jacking Aaliyah that worked better for her

Anonymous said...

Wooww! You are so tuned in to what Beyonce might be feeling... it's kinda scary.

Anonymous said...

Taken from the album Forever Spice, performed by Tina "Celestine" Knowles Featuring Jonte' Fierce written by a bitch who will sue your ass if you try imitate this shit (even you Sasha)

Tina:
When the cats in the crib ma
Skin it like it's hot
Skin it like it's hot
Skin it like it's hot
If you yellow like Pikachu
Rock it whilst it's hot
Rock it whilst it's hot
Rock it whilst it's hot
And if Solange get a attitude
Disown it like it's hot
Disown it like it's hot
Disown it like it's hot
I got a knife in my purse
And my hair is so sheene
I'm a bad beetch
Girl You Know It's Celestine


Uh! I'm a bad bitch, with some crusty creams
See these lacefronts, they call me Celestine
Matt's wifey, you'll know i'll cut your throat
I'm whiter than what's spilling down your throat
I'm Phantom, do you like fish eggs?
I'm in a bad mood, cos i'm on my reds
I can upgrade you, this can be your Charm School
Dog on my first born,
Bitch dont act a fool
Killer wit the beat, I know killers in Hadley street
Wit the steel that'll make you feel like Chinchilla in Cajun heat
So don't try to run up on my ear talking all that diva shit
Trying to ask me shit
When Jonte' fill ya crack
He ain't gon mind the shit
You should think about it, take a second
Not a fact, you should never try me
And think before you fuck wit big Creole kitty.

When the cats in the crib ma
Skin it like it's hot
Skin it like it's hot
Skin it like it's hot
When Aretha tries to get at you
Eat it whilst it's hot
Eat it whilst it's hot
Eat it whilst it's hot
And if Kelly get a attitude
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
I got a drank in my hand
and I'm turning Matt on
I skin the best sheep
cause It's house of dereon



[Jonte]
I'm a real boy, Like Pinnochio
Design my own cars, and make my own clothes
I like it a rough, I'm need a real Bo$$
Like Neyo, yeah he's so sharp
On the TV screen and in the magazines
If you look real close, you'll see my big ween
Oh you got a girl so you wanna pop back?
Sex tape nigga! now top that
Purple shoes, now I'm on my grind
From the wig crypt, you know its hard to find
They boys want me, and want kiss me
Must I remind you I'm only here to twist it
Penis whip it, twerk it then reverse it
Then j-set to this motherfucking music we dip to
Subscribe nigga, I'm on youtube
Bow Wow come close, let me see how you get loose!

When the cats in the crib ma
Skin it like it's hot
Skin it like it's hot
Skin it like it's hot
When a nigger throws a knife at you
Dodge it like it's hot
Dodge it like it's hot
Dodge it like it's hot

I got a drank in my hand
You didn't know i was a man
Now you scared cos
You are attracted to a tran

Anonymous said...

The SUPERPORLEGENDRAGQUEENEXTRAORDINAIRE Sasha Fierce has signed her first artist to her newly started up label CajunKitty which is a subsidary of Universal Records and RedBone Productions.

Check out the video for the artists brand new single below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

Anonymous said...

Leaked conversation between Kelly and Michelle:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMFbWRWEOqY&feature=related

H.C said...

@ 11:58

I'm officialy a stan! when is the CD comming?!!


oh! & is any of you following Angie on twitter?! well get ur shit right! here is what she said:

"Some1 once bloged that I wear ugly red cheap cherry jubilee lipstick! Kiss my _ss! It's Chanel Boo! Save yo$ up"

Anonymous said...

@11:58
U Must be stopped LMAO pure genious!!!!
Oh and Beyonceitits I WILL be making a Grav of Sasha and Ms Fenty !!!
I dont care how long it is in between posts, u just keep being the comedic genious u are!!

Anonymous said...

Sasha Fierce Interviews Rihanna:

Sasha dials number on cell phone, phone rings, it is then answered.
Rihanna: Ello.
Sasha: Wassaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap Robyn- how you doing?
Rihanna: Hey Sasha- you want me to call you back- I'm in Bar-bay-dose now and you know long distance calls are expenseev.
Sasha: Oh girl don't worry- I'm using Jonte's phone- girl we need to talk- i saw the pictures on TMZ- did Chris really drop down low and sweep the floor with you.

Rihanna: Yes Sasha- yes he did, I should have listened to you when you told me not to get involved wit him.
Sasha: That's right- I knew his scrawny ass was no good- so tell me something- what was he like the buurdroom.
Rihanna: We never did it.
Sasha: Bitch don't front with me- don't forget it was ME who convinced Jay to sign you- I know you a little freak, c'mon just tell Mama Fierce everything.
Rihanna: It wasn't part of the contract so we never smashed.
Sasha: Contract?

Rihanna: After I released Good Girl Gone Bad, i was so exhausted- releasing all them videos, twirling that Umbrella on stage- pretending to like the clothes my stylists were putting me in BUT the label wanted me to release more singles but I just couldn't bring myself to do anymore interviews so my publicist got in touch with Chris' camp and we agreed to "date" and inform the press of our whereabouts so the hype around our relationship would promote my singles for me.
Sasha: Girl that's mean- so you didn't love him?
Rihanna: Hell no- he was always asking me to do weird stuff- like shave his crack and put my fingers in places- in bar-bay-dose we don't get down like dat- we just don't.
Sasha: Girl, i can't believe you let him fu!k you up- the last time Jay tried to hit me I put his black ass in a coma.
Rihanna: Jay tried to hit you?
Sasha: Oh yeah- we were having dinner with Neyo and his man and Neyo was talking to Beyonce' about how he wants to know why Beyonce' claimed she wrote Irreplaceable- Beyonce' being Beyonce' said nothing and smiled- but I was inside of her getting mad and so i just bust out and fu!cked that fruit loop up- Jay got mad at me for beating his artist and tried knocking me round the head with one of Beyonce's grammys.
Rihanna: That's terreeble.
Sasha: Don't I know it- but enough about me- why did you dye your hair black- who am i supposed to give my old lacefronts too now.
Rihanna: My publicist said she was tired of hearing me being compared to Beyonce' and so we decided to play the "rebel" card and so they cut my hair- dyed it black and told me to say it was my decision.
Sasha: Word?But Robyn don't you realise that in your attempt to be different and go against the norm- all you did was fulfill another stereotype. Whilst you thought that cutting your hair and dying it black was rebellious and different you ended up being more predictable than you already were because thats what everyone who wants to be a rebel does- cut their hair to make them seem less feminine and more masculine because short hair is synonymous with males and thats because society dictated that- so in a way your plan kind of backfired- if you really wanted to rebel, you should have dyed your hair bleach blonde and started writing your own tracks instead of accepting tracks that Britney is too drugged up to record.
Rihanna: Wow- i never thought of it like that- you think i should grow my hair out?
Sasha: Do what you want girl- you've already messed up your image by going back senor limp dick.You know Robyn-I've always liked you- regardless of what Solange says about you.

Rihanna: What does Solange say about-
Sasha: Listen I've got to go- The Hills is on. But before I go- do you want me and Jaquel to run by Chris' out- you know- mess him up a little.
Rihanna: It's ok Sasha- I've got my own way of dealing wit him.
Sasha: If you say so girl- just remember- if he ever try hit you again- let a bitch know. I got a razor in my purse and a rifle in my lacefront. Ciao.
Rihanna: Bye

Anonymous said...

What's up with the long dissertation comments...post them on your own blog. Thanks in advance...

lildrummerboi said...

"LIGHTS! Somebody gettin fired..hey, hey!"

*gone*

Where yo boss at?

jaz said...

"LIGHTS! Somebody gettin fired..hey, hey!"


LMAO i just saw that too


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p12Nn5QRcE&feature=player_embedded

H.C said...

@ 10:01
don't listen to these people! it's a free world, do whatever the hell you want! shit that was funny what you wrote!

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

Jaz...why are you posting anything that has to do with the tour (did you not just read that people don't want to see tour stuff?!).
I clicked out of it as soon as it popped up so I'm not sure what your purpose is...but I don't want to see setups or anything like it.

...trying to ruin people's Sasha Fierce experience.

Jaz said...

I'm sorry I forgot to mention that its from the tour!


Beyonce fired someone during the song.
if you opened it but didn't watch it yet but just want to see that part go to :40 when Sasha fires the lights person

I know I completely dismissed one of the main points of this post I'm sorry ya'll wasn't thinking

H.C said...

ok yall! she didn't really fire somebody! she was singing Diva & @ one point the light have to be turned down, but in this show that light person was a little late so Beyonce screamed "Light!" & then she sang "somebody is gettin fired" of course she was just kidding but the blogs who camplain about Bey not having any personnality took it way too seriously & called her a diva(ironic) thinking she really fired the person, well...that's what we would expect from theme.

lildrummerboi said...

Actually, we don't KNOW if she was "kidding" or not. I could care less either way though.

I saw the clip, thought it was funny and pulled the quote from it...

Jaz obviously saw it too and posted a link for those who wanted to see it. It's not like you go to see and movie never see a clip or trailer promoting it..

lildrummerboi said...

**Correction**

It's not like you go to see a movie before seeing a clip or trailer promoting it and feel like your "experience" has been spoiled..

Lil' Creole Pimp said...

What's with these lame ass comment jokes. Y'all tryna duplicate it where it was originated? Stop jocking my swagg.

Anonymous said...

fuck you lil creole pimp and fuck your irrelevant mother, when you track down your daddy and ask him where your child support is- thats when you can call my posts lame ass comment jokes. Bastard.


the writer of Smack That Diva Up and Skin It Like Its Hot.

Lil' Creole Pimp said...

WHY YA GOTTA BE ANONYMOUS

Anonymous said...

random, but I love this photo that one of beyonces "suga mamas(crissy collins)" took from the tour stage. i found it on her myspace. the caption says "Zagreb, Croatia - SOLD OUT SHOW!!!"

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b232/xxmuzicchickxx/Bee/croatiaaudience.jpg


my favorite band member is the guitar player with the blonde dreads that looks like Debra Wilson(or Bunifa Latifah Halifah Sharifa Jackson)from MadTV! I laugh everytime I see her

Anonymous said...

sorry bad link. and i should also add that the picture is also of the small bstage, just in case you dont want to see that either.

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b232/xxmuzicchickxx/Bee/croatiaaudience.jpg

Anonymous said...

listen up daniel- you better just hope i dont expose how you and your goons got jumped by Madox's boys last week outside The Early Learning Centre, i got that shit on video- also i see you were trying to hog the camera in that cameo appearance your ma let you have in the T.O.N.Y video actin like full fat butter wouldn't melt.

Anonymous said...

listen up daniel- you better just hope i dont expose how you and your goons got jumped by Madox's boys last week outside The Early Learning Centre, i got that shit on video- also i see you were trying to hog the camera in that cameo appearance your ma let you have in the T.O.N.Y video actin like full fat butter wouldn't melt.

Anonymous said...

I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina

Na Na
Ms. Tina is the female version of the Mas'er
Of the- of the Mas'er
Na Na
Ms. Tina is the female version of the Mas'er
Of the- of the- of the Mas'er


[Verse:]
Sew the track, brush the weave back
I told you give me some pepper to throw on these baby backs
Already told him i don't like him
But he didn't seem to get it

I done got so sick and filthy with Solange's boyfriend
How he gone be talking shit
act like Daniel ain't his kid
Take his candy ass to Maury, have the tests prove positive
I know you read the paper; the one that they call drag queen
Cos every bitch on here is hating
Cos i gave birth to B

I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina

Na Na
Ms. Tina is the female version of the Mas'er
Of the- of the Mas'er
Na Na
Ms. Tina is the female version of the Mas'er
Of the mas'er- of the- of the Mas'er




[Verse:]
When he pull up, pop my sheep skin hood up
Jonte' betta have some lacefronts in the cooler
Getting spicaay
Tina's getting spicaay
If you wanna see me spicaay
then try dog on Beyonce'
Tell me something (tell me something)
Where my razor at? (Where yo shotgun at)
Where's that Keri Hilson bitch that likes to talk smack(that like to talk smack)
I wanna see her (see her)
And then i'd knee her (in the clit)
What's my name? (Celestine)
Yes I'm a Diva



Na Na
Ms. Tina is the female version of the Mas'er
Of the mas'er- of the Mas'er
Na Na
Ms. Tina is the female version of the Mas'er
Of the- of the Mas'er


6.45 in my stilettos
You know i've got a date
What's ya age?mind yo business- its on the birth certicaate.
I'm Ms. Tina best believe it you know i got Matty on lock
If i found out about Kelly I'll give him electric shock.

Bitch push those tits up, tits up
(I need them bags and that money)
And fuck the ketchup, ketchup
(I eat my fries with some honey)
Michelle bitch- dont the turn volume up
Pour me and Daniel a drank
Since I heard about the swine flu, no passengers on my plane
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina (Hey)
I am Ms. Tina
Plus size top model, like my name is Toccara
Fuck a dirty bitch up
Like i thought you were Farrah

Na Na
Ms. Tina is the female version of the Mas'er
Of the- of the Mas'er
Na Na
Ms. Tina is the female version of the Mas'er
Of the- of the- of the Mas'er





I am Ms. Tina , I am Ms. Tina, you shall call me Ms. Tina (hey)



DO NOT STEAL THESE LYRICS, I swear- i will mess a hoe up if you do.

Lil' Creole said...

Fail.

Tayda said...

You ain't no Stooge. Not to me.

Anonymous said...

You little bitch, whats a wannabe blogger got to do to get a little respect around here.

Tayda said...

Why I gotta be a bitch? Start a damn blog. Stop eating off of VP.

Anonymous said...

love tina diva version.
STFU guys let people use her right to speak here

Anonymous said...

SO BEY AND RIHANNA ARE FAMILY BEYONCEITIS???

I THINK RIHANNA IS THE ONLY MEMBER OF THE KNOWLES CAMP WHO NEED TO SHOW HER PUSSY TO SELL ALBUM.
I AM SURE BEYONCE IS REALLY PROUD OF THAT AND KAYNE WEST'S OFFICIAL BEY ENNENMY OR SHOULD I SAY BEST ARTIST OF THE DECADE IS A HOE.

WELCOME TO THE KNOWLES FAMILY RIRI !!!!

PS/i WONDER WHAT DADDY FENTY HAVE TO SAY THIS TIME AROUND

H.C said...

I wonder what Beyonce thinks about her "family" now!
& I'm curious what Def Jam is gonna do to get rih's ass outa this shit now!
Bey betta keep her mouth shut about rih, yall know the sex tape is comming!

Anonymous said...

exactly, im curious to know what Beyonce' thinks of her "family" exposing her clit, i usually can think of some clever marketing reason for Rihanna's actions but i cant think of why she would do that

Hadley Street Newspaper said...

A recap of recent invents relately to the lovely Beyonce:

-Beyonce announces 2 year break

-Ciara's Fantasy Ride crashes and burns

-Rihanna shows the world that shes really a Good Girl Gone Bad.

-and finally Beyonce is tha SHIT!

Anonymous said...

Mama Tina threatens interviewers now.

"Her ever-protective, and not-to-be-messed-with mother is sitting just beyond the bedroom door. This far and no further."

Anonymous said...

what if it was Beyonce naked on these pics not rihanna, what do yall think would happen?!! I don't even wanna think about it, all hell would break loose, I think people are gonna protest all over the US, & of course there will be millions of petitions...I just hope that ish won't happen to her.

Billy said...

@8:40
Yes I agree we cant go on this "Rihanna is hoe" rampage cuz of some nekkid pics. Thats why we fans should stay quiet on the situation. We cant sit up here and bash Rihanna and one day some nude pic of Beyonce shows up and left looking dumb. Karma is real and we'll look like hypocrites. Personally I dont see the harm in the photos. Come on guys we've all done them before.

Anonymous said...

That 's the difference between a stan and a fan.If bey did it,she is a slut,a hoe just like all that whores.period

AFRAID??? HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE DOUBT ABOUT THE QUEEN PLEASE.

you know the song:Nasty girl? if i were a slut?
NO MA'AM BEY CANT DO THAT CAUSE JAY WILL KILL HER BEFORE ANY PETITION.LMAO :D

Anonymous said...

Jay kill Beyonce?!! puhlease!!
it's not just about riri being a ho, it's about her being a role model, as much as I hate the fact that young kids look up to celebs, I can't deny that they do, & rihanna is a non singing, non dancing, going back to her abuser, having nude pics picture of her in the internet role model.
when did it become ok for celebs to have naked pics of theme on the net?! exacty when rihanna did it.
what makes rihanna different from cassie, britney, paris hilton...nothing! they all the same, yet somehow people seem to forgive & forget anything rihanna does, what's the secret?
if it was Beyonce, people woudn't respond the same way, they would send her to prison for life.

Anonymous said...

@8:49
NO,rihanna dont get a pass.nobody cares !!!I wonder why certain bey's stans need to talk about rihanna that much( maybe it's rihanna's stans disguise) but where were you when cassie did the same thing?NEXXXXXXXT

*****EXCLU*****
I got a VIDEO OF BEYONCE SAYING:FUCK,DICK,MOTHERFUCKER,ASS ......who wants it?????

NEXT A SEXTAPE OF MATTHEW AND TINA.

Anonymous said...

I only want the video of Beyonce...I'll pass on celestine & papa knowles...

Anonymous said...

yea i don't understand why some Beyonce stans feel the need to talk about everything Rihanna does either. your just making her more relevant, and WHO CARES!
I bet if she never made another song again ya'll would still be talking about her. please stop...for Beyonce's sake. You're the first to say how its so wrong to compare them and then 10 seconds later your doing it yourself

Anonymous said...

@3:44
This not beyonce's stans but truly rihanna's stans.The same thing happens with ,hAttER james,skeri hilson,c'error,shitney Spears and her albums sell(first week and Playback tour).ALL THE INDUSTRY AGAINT BEY!!
But.
Jay-z always want bey's fans to talk about her;like going dinner together,vacationning in hawaii,seiing basket ball games...Please,rihanna has her face beaten because of her jealousy and now she is always with somebody'else HUSBAND ?????

If she can take her pussy some polaroids for her man;dawn,she is a grown ass woman with to motherfucker living parent ....Dawn
I am not sure vanessa hugdens was at Cacun with DISNEY CHANNEL BOSS.
PLIGGA NEASE.

ps:he knows how a divorce cost in hollywood so I SAY ANYWAYS,cause bey doesnt care.

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Anonymous said...

Bey stans need to chill out on this one. If Beyonce had a sex tape leak we would look mighty dumb right now. I know you think that would never happen to Bey, but nothing is immpossible. Im the type to never speak to soon so I wont put my foot in my mouth on this one.

Besides the Bey stans have made alot of enemys. No one likes them and some of the well known Bey stans are fakes who really stan for other artists and are just here to discredit her under a stan identity. Be careful who you trust. Karma is real and it seems like Bey Stans are paying the piper. Hopefully you guys learn from this.

Anonymous said...

@ 3:33
shit! that was scary what you wrote! I hope you ain't got no sex tape of Bey that you plan on releasing!

TRIGGA TOOTS said...

I AM....DISGUSTED WITH YOU FOR DELETING YOUR TWITTER PAGE.

Jaz said...

ciara wants to join in on the "victim of a nude photo scandal" thing too now all of a sudden.


http://www.hollywoodrag.com/index.php?/weblog/comments2/ciara_angry_over_naked_shoot_but_licking_justin_in_video_ok/

J said...

http://www.hollywoodrag.com/index.php?/weblog/comments/ciara_angry_over_naked_shoot_but_licking_justin_in_video_ok/

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Anonymous said...

@6:39

I didnt mean to scare you, I know nothing of a sex tape. I just told the truth. Beyonce stans make alot of enemys. I cant think of one where we dont get bashed. We are responsible for the "Beyonce Copies" videos on youtube, the "Beyonce exposed" videos thats our shame. We pushed others into making those. Beyonce could have a huge sex tape leak and we would look dumb as hell talking about Rihanna. We put to much negative energy out there.

Thats why I say karma is serious. If there was a sex tape to leak about Beyonce she would be finished. Her career would crumble. She would be shamed like Janet Jackson.

I love Beyonce but Im real about it. Beyonce stans need to chill out! We do more harm than good, and it aint helping us one bit.

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

I finally watched the video posted by Jaz and must apologize for freaking out when it was hilarious and NOT a spoiler.

And...umm...what the HELL kind of turn did this conversation take?! I think the Wig Crypt needs a chat box for people to carry on these non-post related conversations.

Khalid said...

Yall need to watch this video it is sooo funny!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhHVHV6yzCk

Shawty, whatcho name is? said...

BET just announced that Beyonce is performing and nominated for 5 bet awards.

YESS the "rumor" has been confirmed. now we need to start a rumor about what and who shes performing with(like last year lol)

I want ego w/kanye

Anonymous said...

to the ashanti fan posing as Beyonce fan talking about a Beyonce sex tape- please go sit on thorns, if Beyonce DID make a sex tape, Beyonce's fans would still buy her records and if Beyonce DID make a sex tape, she would find some way of using it to her advantage for example "i wanted people to see a side of me ive hidden for so long, and so I filmed it so I could use it as inspiration for my record, that's why i did it."

H.C said...

I wish she would skull drag Keri while singing Diva @ the BET.
Beyonceitis save us with a new post, as you can see everybody including me is getting delusional in the comment box! this ish is like drugs & we need our dose!

Anonymous said...

@the Def jam representative

If you got a sex-tape,give it to us;Matthew will release it like a double CD for the "IAM YOURS DVD anthology".
But to be more serious,I never said that beyoncé can do no wrong but I wonder who can release naked video,pictures ....!!!

Boyfriend:
*Jay-z ? :Sure not.Shawn's jealous camel ass cant do that.
*Lyndell ? :why did he waits that long to realise a porn video when bey was the IT GIRL BACK IN 2003?

Assistant:
*TYTY:Are you serious?
*Angela:Hell NO !Do you know the creole's vodoo?

Publicist/Manager:
Matthew and Tina knowles???? BITCH PLEASE

Bodyguard:
*Shorty ?? never
*Julius ?? sorry cant believe it
SO who can release a bey's sex tape,kelly rowland,Michelle,solange,Baby daniel...I want to explain that Beyoncé is not Mary,Jesus 's Mother but she is well surrounded.

And if you cant leak marriage's pics or a video of Mathhew Knowles kicking out those DC bitches ,you cant leak a sex tape.NEXTTTT
For the karma thing,you just make me laugh.How can our mistakes affect beyoncé's life.That's the total opposite definition of karma.

floacist said...

I AM....CONFUSED BY YOUR 'GAME' DEFINITION.

Your essay about the difference between Rihanna and Beyonce are poignant about quality and talent, and yet you're talking about Beyonce 'killing the game'.

Her latest movie, 'Obsessed', was a lifetime movie at best with her usual terrible acting, with her southern drawl clouding the already pitiful dialog.

If she was truly 'killing the game' she would come out with some decent movies with decent acting.

floacist said...

And you know you're wrong for those Beyonce Rihanna pictures LOL.

http://www.celebrity-gossip.net/images/events2/rihanna-mtv-vmas-99-16.jpg

逆円助 said...

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精神年齢 said...

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メル友募集 said...

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家出 said...

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動物占い said...

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家出 said...

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セレブラブ said...

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夏フェス!! said...

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無料ゲーム said...

あなたのゲーマー度を無料ゲーム感覚で測定します。15個の質問に答えるだけの簡単測定で一度遊んでみませんか?ゲームが得意な人もそうでない人もぜひどうぞ。

素人 said...

Hな女性たちは素人ホストを自宅やホテルに呼び、ひとときの癒しを求めていらっしゃいます。当サイトでは男性ホスト様の人員が不足しており、一日3~4人の女性の相手をするホストもおられます。興味を持たれた方は当サイトにぜひお越しください

出会い系 said...

実は出会い系には…関係者用入り口があるのを知っていますか?広告主やスポンサー用に用意されたIDではサクラや業者が立ち入ることが出来ないようになっているのです。当サイトでは極秘に入手した関係者用URLが公開されています

逆援助 said...

男性はお金、女性は快楽を得る逆援助に興味はありませんか?お金を払っても性的欲求を満たしたいセレブ達との割り切り1日のお付き合いで当サイトでは大金を得ることができます。無料登録なのでアルバイト感覚でOK、詳しくはTOPページでどうぞ。

友達募集 said...

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家出 said...

夏休みで気軽に家出する女子○生が急増しています。しかし家出したはいいものの泊る所やお金が無い彼女たちは、掲示板などで泊めてくれる男性を探す子も多いようです。当掲示板にも夏休みに入ってから通常の3倍以上のメッセージが寄せられています

人妻 said...

今最もアツイバイトは人妻とのセフレ契約です。当サイトではお金を払ってでもセフレがほしい人妻が集まり、男性会員様との逆援生活を待っています。当サイトで欲求不満の女性との出会いをしてみませんか

素人 said...

素人ホストでは、男性のテクニック次第で女性会員様から高額な謝礼がもらえます。欲求不満な人妻や、男性と出会いが無い女性達が当サイトで男性を求めていらっしゃいます。興味のある方はTOPページからどうぞ

友達募集中 said...

少し魅惑な自分をネットだから公開してみました。普段言えない事など、思い切って告白しているプロフなので興味ある方はぜひ除いてみてください連絡待ってまぁす。 hinyaaaaa@docomo.ne.jp

kaka said...

I think it is ok to not like Beyonce' if she slapped your mama, stole your man, ate all your Popeye's and didn't give you a crumb, or wore the same dress as you to the Grammy's and somehow managed to make you look loke a tranny in said dress. However it is silly not to like her because your favorite artist isn't doing quite so well.

I enjoy Beyonce's music LIVE. It's strange I lover her but I'd rather hear her live than on the radio. Although I can't help myself I must play Get Me Bodied very loud and I know every dance move. It's so much fun.
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