In Defense of Keri Hilson



I came across this video today as I was getting bodied by the spirit of Fresh.

If you are at work, or on your mobile phone, or if your high speed internet situation ain't really what's poppin' this month, I'll recap this video as only I can.

So Skorpian, this hot piece of sessual chocolate, this young man heard that Keri Hilson would be signing copies of her CD in between her shifts at the record store. So he put on his durag, hitched his titties up, put gloss on his lips and squeezed into his good pair of Dereon jeans. Then him, his mom, his little sister, his Aunt James, and Uncle Shirley drove all the way across town to meet Miss Hilson.

When he gets to the record store, he is informed by management that if you buy the album you get to go in the special VIP, Diva Deluxe line and meet Keri Hilson quicker (That's some Matthew Knowles Business School shit right there). So since the album was only $1.49 he bought the album so that Keri could sign it.

So he's standing in the line waiting to meet Keri Hilson, and when he gets up there Keri's personal assistant says "Miss Hilson is not speaking today she is resting her voice for a performance.

OH WORD? Is she saving it for the Keri Hilson Experience?

Let's keep it 100. "Turning Me On" is not exactly "Dangerously in Love Parts 3, 4, and 5", and there is NO song in Keri Hilson's catalogue that requires more than a screech or a moan, so I'm not sure exactly what Keri was saving her vocal chords for, but Tangmaster Jay up there was starting to get annoyed by Miss Hilson's diva behavior.

What finally overcooked Waymon's neckbones was when Keri would not personalize the CD. She only signed "Love, Keri", and then told him to slide to the left.

First of all let me say I can relate to Holiday's anger towards Keri. The time and hair gel he spent to go meet Keri Hilson cannot be replaced, not to mention the money he spent on her CD and then after all of that drama he leaves the store feeling like a groupie who was wasting Keri's precious time. But let's look at this another way.

There are 4 levels of fame in 2009.

LEVEL 1 - Myspace/YouTube famous
LEVEL 2 - BET Famous
LEVEL 3 - MTV Famous
LEVEL 4 - Old White People Know Who You Are

Beyonce of course is on Level 4, and so many of you hoes, people act like you don't know that. Beyonce is Beyonce anywhere in the world whether you're at the Gucci store in Paris or $5 Indian Hair and Check Cashing store in Decatur, Georgia. Keri Hilson is barely BET famous, so you may not understand what gives her the right to act in such a way, but in defense of Keri and the other Beyonceitis victims, let me just say it is not easy being a C or D list celebrity. From my personal experience C and D list celebrities are more self-centered than A-list celebrities because there's always the question of "Do you know who I am?". Beyonce and other A-listers rarely have to ask "Do you know who I am" because people already know.

I am going to give Keri the benefit of the doubt and assume that either she was sick or was just not having a fierce day, but I can imagine Beyonce stans are gloating about this. We should all remember that everybody has a bad day, even semi-celebrities, so here are examples of incidents when Beyonce was a little rude to her fans:


From ImmaADivo:

"I met Beyonce in December 2008, right after "I Am..Sasha Fierce" came out. She was trying to shop in New York City and she had her wig pulled low and she had on her sunglasses so I knew that she didn't want to be seen or bothered, so being the kind and considerate fan that I am I screamed "EVERYBODY LOOK! IT'S BEYONCE" So I went over to meet her and she was nice and sweet and gave me a hug. She signed my "I Am..Sasha Fierce" CD, she signed my "B'Day" CD, my "Live from Wembley" DVD, my "Writings on the Wall" CD, she signed my copy of LeToya's first CD, and she co-signed on my car lease. I explained to her that my grandma was a big fan of hers and was in the hospital and I asked her if she would go visit my grandmother in the hospital and she said yes. Then she asked me where in New York City my grandmother was and I said my grandma lives in Nigeria. So Beyonce flew to Nigeria and visited my grandmother in the hospital. Then my grandmother asked her to sing a song for her, and Beyonce said "Sure, what song do you want me to sing?" Then my grandmother said "Could you perform the whole damn Beyonce Experience for me?" So Beyonce performed the entire Beyonce Experience in my grandmother's hospital room, and did a good job except for one thing. She cut the Destiny's Child medley short. I think it was very rude and inconsiderate of Beyonce to cut the Destiny's Child medley, I mean Destiny's child is what made her and now that she got a little fame she act like she too good to do her old songs. I love Beyonce, but I don't think I'll ever look at her the same way.

From HaloHomo1981:

I needed a kidney, and Beyonce agreed to let me have one of hers. When the doctor's removed her kidney I asked her to autograph the kidney for me and she said, she wasn't sure if it was safe to sign a kidney. See this is what's wrong with celebrities these days. They are so stuck up they can't take 2 seconds of their time to sign the kidneys they give to their fans. You need to come back down to reality Beyonce and realize that it's the fans who make you who you are. I'm never buying another one of yours albums, but thanks for the kidney.


From Noelle:

I have been a Beyonce fan since 1981. I even camped outside the hospital when I heard she was born. I have every CD, DVD, and Cassette, I've gone to every tour, I seen all of her movies at least 8 times, I have spent thousands of dollars on L'Oreal, Samsung Phones, Direct TV satellite dishes, Japanese bottled water, Pepsi, McDonalds, Nintendo Games, American Express cards, Audemars Piguet watches, Hermmes briefcases, Cartier tie clips, Silk-lined blazers, diamond cream facials, VVS cuff links, and six star pentsuites because Beyonce told me that I should buy it, knowing my broke ass couldn't afford it. I was a little hurt by her Beyonce's behavior when first met her. First of all I spent 3 weeks doing a painting of Beyonce breastfeeding her future child LaDereon Caprice Carter while sitting on a globe. The painting symbolizes that although Beyonce is sitting on top of the world, she is still a regular woman, who I would like to see naked. So I spent all this time on this painting and go give it her.

So I let myself in Beyonce's apartment, make myself a snack, and waited for Beyonce in her bed. I figured we could have a slumber party and do each other's hair and talk about boys and practice French kissing and all that stuff, but "Miss Diva" had other plans. When she came in a saw me naked in her bed eating up all her Hot Pockets, she started acting all very rude and stuck up and called the police and stuff. As the police dragged me out of her apartment I realized how much of a stuck-up diva Beyonce has become.

The Beyonce from back in the day would have found time to kick it with one of her fans, but Negroes these days crossover to the pop charts and they think they too good to cuddle butt naked with their stalker fans. The nerve of some people...

I'll still buy her albums and support her, I can't buy a ticket to her concert because I'm not allowed within 600 feet of her. I will always support her, but I think all this fame has started to her head.


64 comments:

Khalid said...

OMG IM OVER HERE DYING THE VIDEO WAS SOOO FUNNY!!! AND THE BLOG WASSS SOOO FUNNY!! ALSO!!! IM DYING!!!

CHECK ME OUT ON YOUTUBE WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/THEMALIKKHALIDSHOW

cheleny said...

LMAO

***FLATLINE*** @ the Noelle testimonial. Classic!

Anonymous said...

crazy! why am i listening to this on crunktastical right now? lol...his perm is the truth doe, don't lie...

Q, Truly said...

why have i never even VISITED 'c&d' b4?

& wigcryptkeeper, wher do u get this shit? i swear...u have a gift

Beyonceitis said...

Q, Truly said...
why have i never even VISITED 'c&d' b4?

& wigcryptkeeper, wher do u get this shit? i swear...u have a gift
-------------------

You never been Crunk and Disorderly?

SHAME ON YOU!

Wig Crypt = Beyonce
Crunk and Disorderly = Tina Turner

If I could do a dance at the Grammys as a tribute to Crunk and Disorderly I would...

H.C said...

LMFAO!! that was classic!! it's funny because it's true, people do act like that! no matter what Beyonce does she will always be stuck up in their eyes!

& I like C&D but I'm gonna pull a Kanye & say:
"Beyonceitis is WAY greater than Fresh"

I'm sure everyone agrees!

Summer said...

Seriously where do u come up with this stuff? Im sposed to be doing my uni assignment and im here literally LOL @ the name halohomo1981 and dead @ 'Thanks for the kidney'

WYGBA said...

LAID ALLLLLLLLL THE WAY DOWN like the top of the jilted Keri fan's permed hair @ those testimonials!!!

Mickey said...

OMG that was one of your most hilarious posts ever. Freaking awesome lol.

Solange's manager @ Citi Trendz said...

Solange thinks her shit dont stink too! my name is Johnnie-Mae Johnson and im solange's manager at citi trendz.

So one day solange asked me if she could have the weekend off because she had some gig at the house of blues.

I told solange she couldnt have the whole weekend off because she knows thats when the hoodrats really go to town and steal like crazy in the store! So i told her that she needed to at least work saturday morning and to bring julez along so he could work his shift at the fitting rooms.

This bitch threw a fit! She started to ask me if I knew who she was and what family she came from...I said sure I know what family you come from and who you...your the only artist on a major record label to go double ceramic clay on both of her albums and still have a contract. Thanks to your family.

I told her lil smart ass that she aint no beyonce! So get your ass back in the stock room and put the censors on the House of Dereon bedazzled zebra fur catsuits.

She storms off to the back and didnt come back out until her shift was up.

When she finally cooled down she apologized to me and told me that she would work half a day saturday and go do her gig that matthew begged house of blues to put on Saturday evening.

She knew if we werent soo short on staff that her ass would have been gone! But she got right and calmed her lil wannabe retro ass down.

She knows if she was to walk out or quit on us that her EBT benefits will be taken away. Because her foodstamp worker called and told me that she has to at least work 20 hours a week to continue getting her food stamps. And I didnt want her benefits to get taken away because I love buying stamps from her on pay day.

You cant beat 100.00 worth of stamps exchange for 25.00 dollars.

No ma'am!

So everything has been pretty good lately but that Julez man what are we going to do with him? We gotta go to court with his lil beige ass because he wrongfully acused this elder black grandma (who was 43) of stealing house of dereon sneakers! He did a chris brown on that woman and now we got a lawsuit on our hands! DAMN

But beyonce said she would handled all the charges. She said that she would just take care of everything with the money from her shoe box she keeps under her bed for emergencies.

Praise Beyonce!

Well I gotta go looks like solange is late again! Coming in here with a durag on, some christian louboutin heels and a lot29
halter dress on

SMH

ms. morgana said...

did you come across a personalized FRESH post sent in by your's truly?

http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/04/16/sideeye-fever-revisited/

please forgive my shameless promotion. I am just a humble wannabe blogger houngry (read: hungry) for my 15 minutes and 27 seconds of fame.

and btw..no big deal or nothing...but US dates were announced.
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/34257039.html

Anonymous said...

my goodness *dead at the video...i can read now

Tootie said...

LMAO

***FLATLINE*** @ the Noelle testimonial. Classic!



~~~~~~~
I'm with Chelz that was funny as hell!

Anonymous said...

you are such a genuis BRAVOOO !!

Matthew said...

OH EM GEEEEE...... I am dying hysterically tell me why I had to call my friend at his job and read that entire blog to him...wait MAKE him LET me read that blog to him ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and not only that I am over here lookin carazy laughing out loud..... BEST

Superfly said...

There are 4 levels of fame in 2009.

LEVEL 1 - Myspace/YouTube famous
LEVEL 2 - BET Famous
LEVEL 3 - MTV Famous
LEVEL 4 - Old White People Know Who You Are.

Keri Hilson is barely BET famous.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You damn right about that! She needs to build a fan base first before she starts screwing her stans over.

And dead on about the "Old White People Knowing Who You Are" my grandma is 95 and can barely remember her breakfast and she knows who Beyonce is! lol

Cookies and Punch said...

I'll still buy her albums and support her, I can't buy a ticket to her concert because I'm not allowed within 600 feet of her.

WOW!!!!!! That last line was funny.

Tayda said...

Beyonceitis said...
Wig Crypt = Beyonce
Crunk and Disorderly = Tina Turner

---

Lil' Creole Pimp = Ciara

And all praises be to Ms. Johnnie-Mae Johnson, the CitiTrendz manager. Slay my soul, yes you did.

Um, VP... Getcho Brokeback ass on YIM!

MJ said...

The testimonies... Is Noelle Sandra Rose?

ChickenWings said...

LMAO... You're are effing brilliant! Love every single one of your posts!

lildrummerboi said...

_______________________

^^^
That's what the EKG machine displayed while reading this post. Y'all pray my strength...

Anonymous said...

i'm still convinced you and fresh are the same person. it is just almost impossible to have two people that are as creative and funny as you guys.

p.s. beyonceitis is the funniest blog on the net.

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

He is great...requesting a refund...LMAO! This video is up there with old dude threatening to bite Keri's nose off!
I hope she sees this...I really do.
Now...on to you

#1: Aunt James and Uncle Shirley...lol
#2: You ain't shit for the Holiday Heart link!
#3: The fame scale...lmao

And by the time I got to Beyonce in Nigeria I was done. The rest was actual overkill!

Thank you again...even though you're likely referring to people like me who are mad as hell that as high as gas is they're going to have to drive 2-3 hours to another damn state to experience Sasha Fierce...not that I'm bitter or anything.

Beyonceitis said...

Thank you again...even though you're likely referring to people like me who are mad as hell that as high as gas is they're going to have to drive 2-3 hours to another damn state to experience Sasha Fierce...not that I'm bitter or anything.
----------------------

Where are you from?

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

*sigh* Columbus, Ohio. Which means I need to go to Detroit (and likely get shot) or Chicago.
I was hoping she'd come to Cincinnati or Cleveland. They're far too but not as far as Michigan and Illinois!

Anonymous said...

BEYONCE STANS FOLLOW ON TWITTER
@OWBCREW

http://obsessedwithbeyoncecrew.blogspot.com/

Tayda said...

*sigh* Columbus, Ohio. Which means I need to go to Detroit (and likely get shot) or Chicago.
I was hoping she'd come to Cincinnati or Cleveland. They're far too but not as far as Michigan and Illinois!

---

Ohio? Columbus?

Bow Wow getcho nappy nappy ass off Beyonceitis, log on YouTube and apologize to the kidz RIGHT NAH!

RIGHT NAH!

Jermaine is gonna cut you off and stop dicking you down, if you don't. And don't act like you didn't let Jermaine hit. You LET Jermaine hit. You LET that dark skin guy from Jagged Edge hit. You LET Brat hit. You wanted Snoop to hit, but he don't play that gay shit.

[TyraBanks]Learn something. And I was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you![/TyraBanks] I was thinking about downloading select tracks of New Jack City II on Limewire, but now? Bitch, please.

Anonymous said...

everything you say is on point beyonceitis.

i dont think that dude really liked keri hilson in the first place to be saying hes such a huge fan. he probably went there just to complain the same way beyonce haters do.

"i bought the IASF deluxe edition 6 times, and followed beyonce around north america on the i am tour for 3 months, and i HATED it! Shes such an overrated fake fat ass robotic bitch!"

Anonymous said...

"i bought the IASF deluxe edition 6 times, and followed beyonce around north america on the i am tour for 3 months, and i HATED it! Shes such an overrated fake fat ass robotic bitch!"

RIHANNA IS THAT YOU??? lmao

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

@ Tayda: I actually went to junior high with that kid.

Everytime I see him I laugh.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4hTkRokQPY&NR=1

GOD HELP US !!!

OLP said...

LMFAO @ that little clip of him all smiles before his dreams got crushed! How's he telling Keri how he loves her music and then trashing her music (which he supposedly doesn't even wanna buy) later and calling her fake? LMAO! This loser got served lovely. NEXT!

Beyonces's Boyfriend's Brother's Girlfriend's Cousin's Hairdresser's Dog Washer said...

O....M...G...

This is is the first time I've cried in weeks! There are literally tears on my desk because this satyr is soooo funny!

Rob said...

LMAO THIS dude got me DYING @ HALOHOMO.

jaz said...

@8:53
i know right? thats what he gets for buying a keri hilson cd in the first place. lol

Money Mike said...

That poor guy...Now Keri Hilson and her reps are saying that what he said never happened.(Yeah right Keri)

To be fair Beyonce has her rude days too.(They just happen very rarely) Almost everyone that has met her has said that shes the nicest person ever. Even reporters say she is one of the most nicest celebs you'll meet.

With Keri she has a pattern. Most of the folks that meet her say shes stuck up or rude or bitchy. Thats not cool behavior boo boo. Keri if you wanna be famous sometimes you gotta kiss the ass of even the most crazy stans.

People are fickle you know. And dont mind being petty for no reason.

Jon Moe...I hate Mrs. Smith said...

I hate you in ways i haven't even discovered yet...$1.49...really?..."in between her shifts at the record store"...really?..."barely BET famous"...REALLY?...

*sigh*

...im a Keri stan...admittedly, shit like that video irks me. I just don't get why people feel the need to behave in such a manner...its messy and pointless. And i'm not just speaking in regards to just Keri, but any recording artist or celebrity that people feel they can gain some attention by bashing on a large scale.

...i love this blog

Anonymous said...

I want to hit one rihanna's fans because of that Balmain debate Urgh :-(

Anonymous said...

Here is Keri Hilson's response videos! She tried!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsiDUelSP80


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPKWWYLA0bg


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5tT6ll68yE


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mC-EQRYe0M

Anonymous said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HILARIOUS LOL AT HALOHOMO LMAOOOOOO HILARIOUSS

missbeyfan said...

KERI HILSON IS SOOOOOO CORNNNNYY

AND SHE SEEMS KINDA STUCK UP!

SHE IS STUCK UP

Anonymous said...

i know people that say she is kinda mean in person too

http://twitpic.com/3musc

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

In her defense: If I were ALMOST famous for the last decade and a half I'd probably be bitter too.

Beyonces's Boyfriend's Brother's Girlfriend's Cousin's Hairdresser's Dog Washer said...

BTW, I joined BWorld after 2 WEEKS OF waiting. Maybe you can use that in your next post? ;)

cvasser said...

I can not get the link pulled up..

but i just found a 10min video about a guy saying some of the same

things about Beyonce

(Beyonce is not God!!!!) is the name of it.
Homeboy out of breath the entire video and throwing major shade.

Anonymous said...

I literally pissed myself when my eyes caught sight of that perm, lorhammercy!

on a lighter and less fruitastical note- is anybody going to see Obsessed, getting to see Beyonce' beat down some skinny Caucasian lady (respect my politically correct swag) really does it for me.

逆円助 said...

さあ、今夏も新たな出会いを経験してみませんか?当サイトは円助交際の逆、つまり女性が男性を円助する『逆円助交際』を提供します。逆円交際を未経験の方でも気軽に遊べる大人のマッチングシステムです。年齢上限・容姿・経験一切問いません。男性の方は無料で登録して頂けます。貴方も新たな出会いを経験してみませんか

精神年齢 said...

みんなの精神年齢を測定できる、メンタル年齢チェッカーで秘められた年齢がズバリわかっちゃう!かわいいあの子も実は精神年齢オバサンということも…合コンや話のネタに一度チャレンジしてみよう

メル友募集 said...

最近仕事ばかりで毎日退屈してます。そろそろ恋人欲しいです☆もう夏だし海とか行きたいな♪ k.c.0720@docomo.ne.jp 連絡待ってるよ☆

家出 said...

最近TVや雑誌で紹介されている家出掲示板では、全国各地のネットカフェ等を泊り歩いている家出娘のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性の家にでもすぐに泊まりに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか

動物占い said...

あなたの性格を、動物に例えて占っちゃいます。もしかしたらこんな動物かも!?動物占いをうまく使って、楽しい人間関係を築いてください

家出 said...

家出中の女性や泊まる所が無い女性達がネットカフェなどで、飲み放題のドリンクで空腹を満たす生活を送っています。当サイトはそんな女性達をサポートしたいという人たちと困っている女性たちの為のサイトです

セレブラブ said...

セレブ女性との割り切りお付き合いで大金を稼いでみませんか?女性に癒しと快楽、男性に謝礼とお互い満たしあえる当サイト、セレブラブはあなたの登録をお待ちしております。

夏フェス!! said...

夏フェス一緒に行ってくれる人募集!!夏の思い出一緒につくろぉ☆ megumi-0830@docomo.ne.jp 連絡してね♪

無料ゲーム said...

あなたのゲーマー度を無料ゲーム感覚で測定します。15個の質問に答えるだけの簡単測定で一度遊んでみませんか?ゲームが得意な人もそうでない人もぜひどうぞ。

素人 said...

Hな女性たちは素人ホストを自宅やホテルに呼び、ひとときの癒しを求めていらっしゃいます。当サイトでは男性ホスト様の人員が不足しており、一日3~4人の女性の相手をするホストもおられます。興味を持たれた方は当サイトにぜひお越しください

出会い系 said...

実は出会い系には…関係者用入り口があるのを知っていますか?広告主やスポンサー用に用意されたIDではサクラや業者が立ち入ることが出来ないようになっているのです。当サイトでは極秘に入手した関係者用URLが公開されています

逆援助 said...

男性はお金、女性は快楽を得る逆援助に興味はありませんか?お金を払っても性的欲求を満たしたいセレブ達との割り切り1日のお付き合いで当サイトでは大金を得ることができます。無料登録なのでアルバイト感覚でOK、詳しくはTOPページでどうぞ。

友達募集 said...

ホムペ完成記念!私の事みんなに知ってもらいたくて頑張りましたぁ。色々とご感想をお待ちしているので思った事を意見してください。メアドはほむぺにのせてありますぅ!★ fan.jna@docomo.ne.jp

家出 said...

夏休みで気軽に家出する女子○生が急増しています。しかし家出したはいいものの泊る所やお金が無い彼女たちは、掲示板などで泊めてくれる男性を探す子も多いようです。当掲示板にも夏休みに入ってから通常の3倍以上のメッセージが寄せられています

人妻 said...

今最もアツイバイトは人妻とのセフレ契約です。当サイトではお金を払ってでもセフレがほしい人妻が集まり、男性会員様との逆援生活を待っています。当サイトで欲求不満の女性との出会いをしてみませんか

素人 said...

素人ホストでは、男性のテクニック次第で女性会員様から高額な謝礼がもらえます。欲求不満な人妻や、男性と出会いが無い女性達が当サイトで男性を求めていらっしゃいます。興味のある方はTOPページからどうぞ

友達募集中 said...

少し魅惑な自分をネットだから公開してみました。普段言えない事など、思い切って告白しているプロフなので興味ある方はぜひ除いてみてください連絡待ってまぁす。 hinyaaaaa@docomo.ne.jp

Riley said...

There are 4 levels of fame in 2009. LEVEL 1 - Myspace/YouTube famous LEVEL 2 - BET Famous LEVEL 3 - MTV Famous LEVEL 4 - Old White People Know Who You Are. Keri Hilson is barely BET famous. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You damn right about that! She needs to build a fan base first before she starts screwing her stans over. And dead on about the "Old White People Knowing Who You Are" my grandma is 95 and can barely remember her breakfast and she knows who Beyonce is! lol