STOP THE TRACK! Beyonce is Not God!



I've just received word from YouTube, that Beyonce, is NOT in fact God.

So all those tithes and offerings you made in the name of Sasha Fierce went to Matthew's child support.

And when you caught the spirit at the Beyonce Experience you were actually having a small stroke.

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you.

Hopefully there's a support group that you can join where you can pick up the pieces and move on with your life.


(SIGH)


If it smells like tang and titty sweat today it's because we have more plus-sized YouTube queenery.

But first, let me start by saying that I have a love/hate with YouTube. On a serious and personal note I grew up watching anything and everything that had anything to do with music and I would record any concert, award show, tv show or whatever, and about 5 years ago I lost all of my belongings including my large music and video collection, and because of YouTube I get to watch videos that I thought I would never see again. So it gives me the chance to discover and re-discover great music. YouTube fuckery has gotten me through many a dark day, and most importantly without YouTube, I don't know how else I would have discovered this woman. She is the air that I breathe, the highlight of my life, and I feel that she is the highlight of yours too.

On the other hand, there's a part of YouTube that makes my ass itch. I am all for self-expression and freedom of speech. Although I snap for the kids part-time I can't sit through a lot of the lisping, hissing, and spraying that fills most tangy YouTube videos. I like that we live in a world where even the most ignorant and homely-looking individuals can have wide platform to express their opinions live and direct from their dorm room/grandma's living room, but I wish people's opinions had some kind of basis in fact as opposed to insecurity and bias.

In today's video, Juicy goes on a 10 minute monologue about how Beyonce ain't no diva. He says Alicia Keys is a diva, Janet Jackson is a diva, and Mary J. Blige is a diva, but for some reason Sasha Fierce just doesn't make him moist.

The basis of this video is around the concept that there's something about Beyonce that is arrogant, aloof, and bitchy. We've been talking about this since Matthew sent LeToya and LaTavia back to the Jack in the Box drive-thru window, but I guess it's still relevant in 2009.

It bothers me that people will sit down and make a 10 minute video before they do 3 mintues of research which prevents them from looking stupid, and the facts that are in this video are wrong at best. Keri Hilson has NEVER written a song that has appeared on a Beyonce album. And I need a link to where Kanye West says he doesn't care about his fans. If I recall correctly he says sometimes he wishes he didn't have as many fans because he feels limited creatively, but we discussed that in the "commerical" versus "artistic" thesis paper.

The truth is that 99% of us will never hang out with Beyonce or get to know her for who she TRULY is. We can only assume. Beyonce may be the sweetest person in the world. Beyonce may eat puppies and punch small children. No one truly knows. All I know to be true is that tramp entertains me. Period. And I said it before and I'll say it again, I am not paying you to be my friend. I am not paying for your comeback story, I'm not paying for your personality, or because I feel sorry for you. I am paying you to entertain me, so put that wig on and shake an asscheek.

I know we like to pretend like we know everything about people on TV, but if we have learned anything this year is to not assume that we know anything about anyone. Just take these people as entertainers and you won't set your self up for disappointment.

I have never understood when a person says I don't like (insert name) If you don't like their music that's fine. But until you spend extended amount of your time with them you will never know them, so any opinion you may have is based on your on insecurity about who you are.

And Beyonce isn't the only artist with crazy stans. But people like point and pick at Beyonce's stans to make it seem like she's only successful in the minds of a bunch of crazy people, but in reality she wouldn't be who she is if people aside from hardcore stans didn't care about her.

Regardless of that foolishness, in honor of Miss Diva Bacon Deluxe's YouTube's masterpiece I will be giving away free tickets[1] to the I Am...Sasha Fierce Tour (sponsored by Hamburger Helper and Summer's Eve Feminine Wipes)

In order to win the tickets you have to find ALL of the items on this list:

1. You must find me a picture of Beyonce with a female with at least 3 more Grammys than she does.

2. You must find me a video of a Destiny's Child performance where Michelle is in the middle for at least 2 minutes.

3. You must find me a picture of Julez giving Beyonce a side-eye.

4. You must find me a picture of Cousin Angie in a shade of lipstick besides Freakum Red.

5. You must find me a picture or video of an attractive person hating on Beyonce.

6. You must find me a picture of a popular NBA or NFL player with a brown-skinned or dark skinned girlfriend or wife (I'm yellow and it even bothers me sometimes)

7. You must find me a video of an Ashanti performance where she does NOT pat her weave.

8. You must find me a picture of Beyonce wearing horiztontal stripes.

9. You must do a screencap of a message board or YouTube post where a Beyonce stan says something nice about Rihanna.

10. I need a video of Britney Spears singing and dancing live at the same time... in heels at least 5 inch high.


[1] TERMS AND CONDITIONS - I am not actually giving tickets to see Beyonce. Get the fuck outta here. I just have nothing else to do with my time. I plan to see her when she comes up here but she got me all fucked up if she think Imma pay $1000 to take her a picture with her trick-ass. For $1000 she better sing every song from I Am...Sasha Fierce, B-Day, and do a one-woman show of the Dreamgirls movie, then we're going to take a long walk around the park after dark, and cook me dinner. Then let my mama go wig shopping with her mama, give my sister microbraids, give my brother a lapdance, and give me 45 minutes unsupervised on her back-up dancers' tour bus.


134 comments:

Tayda said...

Something don't sit right with me that his shoulder-to-shoulder ratio extends beyond the screen. Just thought I'd add that.


And I always tell you this and I'm telling it again: You're grandmama was right. NIGGAS. DON'T. APPRECIATE. SHIT!

I would like to stop the track and state some facts with you on YIM! Have yo' ass on there in the next time minutes or I ain't tell'n.

Anonymous said...

Why are you giving this fat bitch any shine? Seriously?

Your writeup was on point though..

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8_vb7NCc-s

Matthew said...

ummmmm I hate this person. There are a few types of people that make me want to kick them in the fucking face:

1. people who don't like Beyonce.
2. ugly people on youtube
3. people who don't like Beyonce because she makes most other female artists irrelevant
4. people who cannot speak clearly on youtube giving their unwanted opinion.
5. people who don't drink
6. people who don't like Beyonce.
and lastly,
7. people who think anyone is better than Beyonce




This fool needs to go somewhere with his window lickin personality. (sorry for being so politically incorrect but anyway)
This also might be bad but when people talk badly about Beyonce, I have to really try not to get physical.

The Legend said...

Why was he out of breath just sitting in that chair?

Anyways, I couldn't even make it threw the video because he looked just as bad as he sounded. Ugh!

Cookies and Punch said...

Are we going to get a Fruity YouTube everyday now.

Anonymous said...

"There's a part of You Tube that makes my ass itch..."

In all of my anonymiss bitchassededness glory...I fucking love you.

That is all.

Cookies and Punch said...

I meant Fruity Youtube Clip everyday now.

Rob said...

No offense BUT WHY are the people that always put youtube videos saying a theory on some celeb.

1) black
2) Over weight
3) Gay
4) Fucked up hair (this guy; shit locks, keri hilson guy permed head etc)

NEXT PLEASE

Rob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Ok, Beyonce isn't God, but you are. I love you and I am going to marry you. It's not necessary for you to say yes, or even tell me your gender. =]

That probably sounded a little stalker-ish-like, but you get the point. Hopefully.

o_O

Bessie Sharpe said...

Beyonce' is an alright singer she doesn't really have a powerful voice to me. She doesn't have any soul to her voice. It's nice not not great. Her songs are usually really catchy with a nice rhythm which is what she really stands out for. Her songs rarely have any depth to them they are just fluff. Which is what you youngsters crave today catchy tunes, rump shaking and mediocre vocals. So no wonder you all worship Beyonce' the way you do you settle for less. Back in my day half these young ladies that "sing" would not have made it. In my day you had to be a real musician with great vocals to be considered for a record deal. Today anyone who will generate a dollar can get a deal. I will list a group of women who have great vocals and real talent but get looked over because they don't shake their butts in your face and they can SANG, which you people seem allergic to.

1.Chante Moore
2.Tamia
3.Deborah Cox
4.Jennifer Hudson
5.Shanice Wilson
6.Mariah Carey
7.Alicia Keys
8.Whitney Houston-- before drugs

I'm sure there are others. I didn't put any of my gospel sisters up here as that would just be unfair but you get the point. Then again you may not seeing as you people worship Beyonce'. Go to church this Sunday and experience real singing at it's best.

H.C said...

Again, I agree with everything you said, I'm so sick of youtube & sick of these ugly people speaking their opinion like they are speaking facts! I didn't watch this vid & I will not watch it, I'm allergic to ignorance & stupidity & I will not ruin my day!

the comment above is very ordinary, same ol same ol, Beyonce's voice is alright, she's overrated, any irrelevent female today is better than her, only youngsters love her & her music isnt real...

the funny part is that I can watch any Beyonce perforamnce or read any review of her concerts & your comment will sound stupid, what makes Beyonce the greatest is that she can fit into two categories:
-the greatest vocalist
-the greatest performers
I can't think of anybody who done that...

H.C said...

& Beyonceitis, I just knew in my heart that you are a fan of Alexyss K Tylor, I just knew it!

tootie said...

Okay I am commenting now before i even read your commentary. And I am in a all around shitty mood today and this aint help at all.
1st things 1st. The whole time this Cream pie taking, out of breath, Flame cheeto,sumnabitch was talking. I kept thinking bout how on Next Friday, Dae Dae said Baby D snore while she awake. This nikka here... Beyonce aint a god (snore) Her attitude blah( Snore). I could barely focus.
Going back to read now.

Arrogantly Ignorant said...

@ Bessie Sharpe

We covered this already:

http://wigcrypt.blogspot.com/2009/03/simply-deep.html


But thanks for playing and enjoy your Dereon Gift Bag.

Cookies and Punch said...

Mariah Carey does not gett look over. She could be just as relevant as Beyonce if didnt act like a two year old on crack. Mariah Carey has broken alot of records,but yet you say she gets looks over because she doesnt shakes her butt. What about the touch my body video.

I can find three country girls at my church that can outsing the top three on your list.

Alicia Keys is very much relevant.Whitney is an Legend it doesnt matter if she sucks now. The bodyguard will still be one of the top selling soundtracks.


Forgive me for not knowing who Shanice Wilson is,but there is a girl at my church named shanice...............

Beyonceitis said...

Forgive me for not knowing who Shanice Wilson is,but there is a girl at my church named shanice...............
---------------------

Shanice Wilson is a singer, she released her first album when she was a teenager in the late 80's.

She had a hit in 1991/1992

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGXxcSdsXJ4

And some minor hits in 1998/1999.

She has an amazing voice and range and is highly underratted (unrelated = not commerically successful) but she has made a decent living singing back-up for other artists like Usher and Toni Braxton.

Beyonceitis said...

HEY! All the Singles Gays!

Let's name obscure female singers to show how deep we are.

I'll start.

Stacy Lattisaw.

Complex Simplicity said...

^^^^

hahahahaha... I love this site

ummmmmmmm

cece penniston, and that's just off the top of my head.

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

This kid...nevermind.

Once again keeper of the crypt you have managed to enlighten (the actual post) and make me wipe tears of laughter from my eyes (contest and terms and conditions) so thank you.

Rob...lol <3

And even though I'm single but not a gay: Randy Crawford!

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

Oh, and why did he disable comments?

This fat backed, mouth breathin', sallow cheeked, mayonnaise gurglin' heifer.

Sorry, I'll stop.

Anonymous said...

i LOVE this site!!
LOL@ at the dude running out breath by just talking about Bee. Thats the kind of power she has. and he says she isn't god.:)


Artist of the day:
Santigold, not so obscure but definitely not mainstream either. I love her

tootie said...

"mayonnaise gurglin' heifer."


LMAO!

Anonymous said...

@ Beyonceitis

Vivian Green
Heather Headley
Darian Faris (sp)
Kindred The Family Soul

We are all deep just like to be entertained as well.

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

And the queen of the underrated (in my opinion): Jaguar Wright.

Matthew said...

A. Ummm bessie I'm sure your church singers ARE better than Beyonce and that is the exact reason why we are buying THEIR cd and watching THEM accept Grammy awards every year. I'm also pretty sre that they are SO awesome that the president asked THEM to perform this year while he danced with his wife. Please sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up and look at the floor. And you should probably go to church a few extra times this week and ask forgiveness for your slick mouthed opinions. Thanks sweetheart.


B. Merille Bainbridge

Beyonceitis said...

You hoes can't see me...

Me'shell Ndegeocello

TOP THAT!

Matthew said...

>>>>Merrile BAinbridge is just obscure NOT underrated lol

Anonymous said...

LMAO!! I am a lurker and this is the first time i am leaving a comment and I just wanted to say I love this site. You are very talented writer and i am glad you are posting more. Every time I come here you my co-workers are always asking what i'm laughing about.

Brown Suga

Beyonceitis said...

LMAO!! I am a lurker and this is the first time i am leaving a comment and I just wanted to say I love this site. You are very talented writer and i am glad you are posting more. Every time I come here you my co-workers are always asking what i'm laughing about.

Brown Suga
------------------------

Beyonceitis said...

Jody Watley.

She was the hottest chick in the game from July 1987 to mid-April 1988.

You kids don't nothing about that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foq2yMj2QgQ

Anonymous said...

i kind of hate you right now for making me watch that 10 minute video beyonceitis & making my day start off so hostile. but im over it now

Anonymous said...

I kept thinking bout how on Next Friday, Dae Dae said Baby D snore while she awake.

----------------

hahahaha

Anonymous said...

this has nothing to do with this post but i find it a huge coincidence that we dont see beyonce and jay out for like 3 weeks and then the same morning as her us tour dates are announced, they are photo'd out twice.

matthew probably made them go out & then called the papparazzi himself!

lildrummerboi said...

"Terms and conditions" is the story of my life...

$1000?!? She aint no....well maybe she is but I aint got it like that.

I'll settle for my Sec. A, row 6, seat 3 ticket and pray her weave brushes me in the face as she makes her way back to the main stage....

Anonymous said...

bessie sharp. before you say untrue crap about queen b actually listen to her. if she can't sing, please try to hit the notes she can and do the runs she can. just attempt it. and also, if you think her songs are just fluff, listen to the I Am portion of her latest album, that shizz is deep.

also, today in english we did a grammar w/s and we had to circle the correct word. i swear this is true. one of the questions was: "If Beyonce were to provide grammatically correct relationship advice to men, she would sing, 'if you liked it (then, than) you shuld (of, have) put a ring on it.'"

Yes, Beyonceitis has even reached schools.

Tayda said...

The girl from Brown Koffee

Anonymous said...

@ 2.33

let her promote us sasha fierce representatives aint complaining.If there is one thing I have come to understant about B is that her fans knw their music which is why i dont settle for less where entertainment is concerned,i have my tracey chapman ,erika badu,maxi priest days but for entertainment only B dos it better.

nowadays the haters are getting more ridiculus than the stans.


To me Beyonce is so real

Realist shit she ever said was 'i want to be an Icon'

people can hate all day everyday on her for that statement but now i realise that all these other bitchies are the fake ones .

pretending they dont like the limelite when all of them do .

pretending they are not about the paper when non of them gives out cds for free.

Let beyonce smile she likes the limelite so we shall continue to give her the attention she desserves ,

wen i need real i will cal up my girls and talk.

i wonder if all the fans of the 'real artist ' have the numbers of these real artists when they need to talk.

@ Beyoncetis-Sorry to go off
I dont know what Sasha fierce does to make me defend her so.

Tootie said...

ol girl from City high

Anonymous said...

Mary Griffin.

Anonymous said...

Advice for that boy:

1. If sitting on chair ranting about Beyonce' results in heavy panting and the jiggling of man breasts- please stop it, you know your mother tried to raise you better than that

Alterego said...

man I love this blog ...LMAO

and these comments are hilarious!

I watched the 1st 2 minutes...Big Azz Fruity Nigga huffin and puffin in a chair!?! expect anyone to take him seriously? And dis f8cker disabled the comments too! LOL

**long time lurker, first time poster**

tootie said...

Got the nerve to talk bout Bey not having Big tittays, yah nikka everythang look small when u got a D cup ur damn self. ol sloppy tittay nikka. Log of youtube and get some underwire about yaself.

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

Tootie ain't right! LMAO!!!!!

I must now refrain from reading her comments as there is no way laughing this hard is conducive to my health.

Buffy said...

@Bessie Sharpie

Hate to burst your bubble but Alicia Keys cannot sing better than Beyonce. Last time I checked "soul" doesnt make you a better singer. What is "soul" anyway? Seems to differ from person to person. If "soul" made one a good singer why does Mary J Blige always sound a hot mess live? Otherwise Mary would be the shit vocally!


Now back to the post yep I saw this video a few days ago. I dont care about what he said. I dont worship Beyonce like a God. I dont get this why do Beyonce stans always get admonished! Honestly yes Beyonce stans get on my nerves too but I know stans that are far worst than them and they actually worship them like Jesus too! Such a double standard!

Honestly calling Beyonce Stans "the worst stans" is overrated! There I said it!

MELISSA said...

LMFAO PEOPLE HAVE NO LIVES I SWEAR. WHY PAY BEYONCE ANY MIND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM? NEVER DID GET THAT.

Tayda said...

Jan Brady... Marcia never let her sing lead. She never got her shine.

MJ said...

Now you know, Beyonceitis, there is no such video that Sideburns McGee does not pat her weave every two seconds and repeats oh baby, ooh baby, whoa baby in her lyrics.

Tayda said...

MJ said...
Now you know, Beyonceitis, there is no such video that Sideburns McGee does not pat her weave every two seconds and repeats oh baby, ooh baby, whoa baby in her lyrics.

April 21, 2009 9:18 PM


--

Are you saying that Beyonceitis is wrong? Are you, ho? Don't half-step and come at Beyonceitis like Beyonceitis don't know shit and act like you are better than every GD body else because you know good and hell damn well you are not!

You have been warned.

Anonymous said...

God...I mean Beyonce's gonna be on ellen tomorow
set your tivos/dvrs


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPRufkN-rs4

Deon said...

@ Beyonceitis:

Two words: Teedra. Moses.

Two more: Complex. Simplicity.

Also, for number 5: I give you Gabrielle Union and whoever she is dating, but that's an affair, huh? So does it count? I give you Trina, but is she really like dark skinned?

1: does this count http://www.aliciakeysfan.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/alicia-keys-beyonce.jpg

10: This contest now seems like one of those games at the carnival, where like you throw the rings, and it can NEVER be won.

8: HAH.

2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y3WDePMCWE&feature=related --It doesn't have to be consecutively, right?

5: That doesn't really happy.

8: that BET not exist.

Back to number 10: She doesn't sing! Trick question!

Deon said...

the real number 10: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tmhftA4xNA&feature=related

--Ok, so I missed it by 20 seconds, but do I at least get a cookie, or a door prize?

MJ said...

Are you saying that Beyonceitis is wrong? Are you, ho? Don't half-step and come at Beyonceitis like Beyonceitis don't know shit and act like you are better than every GD body else because you know good and hell damn well you are not!

You have been warned.




I'm just sayin... all the videos I've seen of Teen Wolf always got her doing some 90s step-n-sway, slicking her baby hair, and crooning "oh baby, ooh baby, pay my light bill baby"... '

and I never said Beyoncetis was wrong. They were right about Ashanti, Keri Hilson, T-Boz, and T-Error Mari throwing shade....

Tootiej said...

Im thinking i didnt see a head pat/hip combo in the Only you vid. But tayda didnt wanna do the research to find out LOL

Billy said...

Beyonceitis its time to drag Howard Stern and his perverted followers. Mama Tina style!

Patpricka said...

Beyonceitits i have a question or anybody that can help?
there is a guy that i am talking to right now. he will break down to a beyonce song in the middle of a conversation out of nowhere. today for instance wewere flirting and talking and all of a sudden he starts to sing and dance SL. is there something wrong with that i mean i love Beyonce and all but that seems a little something in the cup. Should I be worried or just be like his a stan?

Anonymous said...

That fat bitch needs to go have a cookie and shut the fuck up how dare him he better not fuck with Queen~Fierce

Anonymous said...

he sounds like rapustia from norbit.

he is outta breath just from talking!

oh lawd!!!!!!

p.s. thanks for giving me a shout out with the speical post and my quote highlighted on the top of this blog!

thanks...your favorite anonymous

Ask Annie said...

Dear Patpricka,

It sounds to me like the zestleman you are dealing with is apart of the Sweetbooty popeye country club. Please verify his sexical status immejiatley. Peace and bacon grease, and also remember to snap for the kids on a daily.

Madea said...

Nutmeg uh I mean Paprika,


Allow me to say this three times so that it rest on you spirit.


YOUR BOY LIKES PEENUS
YOUR BOY LIKES PEENUS
YOUR BOY LIKES PEENUS!!!!


Thats all.

Riley said...

today for instance wewere flirting and talking and all of a sudden he starts to sing and dance SL
____________________

DAT NIGGA GAY!

daniecal said...

Conya Doss!!!
Emily King!!!

Im sorry I had to throw them in there, Yall niggas dont want it! Im deeper then the ocean!!

Anonymous said...

lol @ riley from the boondocks


"NIGGA YOU GAY!"

Anonymous said...

FREE gastric bypass surgery for everybodyy !!!

smitty said...

she looks like that thing in the land before time sitting up there out of breath..she needs to stop worrying about bey and get on that treadmill

Anonymous said...

Damn, dont you love how his tatas shake when he gets angry and the way he says "Beyonce' is not a godess" reminded me of the time i caught Rupaul slippin' at Burger Shack.
What i find so amusing is that if i was as ugly as that guy, Id have trouble looking in the mirror let alone letting millions of innocent unsuspecting people watch you on Fruit- sorry- Youtube.

Anonymous said...

I say that we all make fake youtube accounts and hijack this guys myspace by posting mean and hurtful comments about his weight.

This boy's hair is what my mother likes to call KuntaKente Chic (thats pronoucned sheek for those of you who DID NOT pay attention in Charm School)

Anonymous said...

hold on, wait a minute and let me put my motherfreakin two cents in it- who is this overweight Rasputia wannabe talking about, huffing and puffing like hes about to blow my house down.

There are a few things a man like me cant tolerate:

1. People who are fat. YES I SAID IT, yes i know Aunty Mable's toes had stretch marks and Cousin Bertha does look like Biggie Smalls with a lacefront on, but come on- why are these fat fruit cakes popping out of everywhere all of a sudden.

2. People who dislike Beyonce. I know everyone has an opinion but this is the problem with the world- EVERYBODY is allowed anything, i think that people like this overcooked rhino should not be allowed to make youtube accounts or have children, well judging by my fruit radar this boy wont be popping out any kids soon but he could breast feed em.

3 (or is it 4,ah- whose counting?) Fat people who dislike Beyonce' and want everyone to know it.

In the time that he made that video he could have been at the gym burning some fat and getting familiar with a hair brush.

I simply cant tolerate fat Beyonce' haters, a sexy Beyonce' hater can hate but their comments still arent valid but a fat Beyonce' hater needs to get run down and believe me- I OWN A TRUCK.

Anonymous said...

this boy is so fat not even God can lift his Spirits.

I mean what is the world of stanology coming to- where people can just get up and talk trash on the internet.

This boy is so morbidly obese that i find it hard to fit his entire body into my vision span.

Anonymous said...

this boy is so fat not even God can lift his Spirits.
---------------------------

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tootie said...

^^ OMG! Dead. Satan has reserved u a room.

Anonymous said...

this boy is so fat not even God can lift his Spirits.
---------------------------


LMAO

Anonymous said...

This boy looks like he got baptised in Sea World, i mean damn- being from the Uk, we dont really have time for our irrelevant artists but to think that in the US, this dude would strike oil if he walked in heels and he thinks he can talk about Sasha Fierce.

Must he be reminded of what happened to a certain Blu Cantrell when she talked sideways about Creoletta.

Patpricka said...

man he is so sexy but i kinda had dat feeling. he doing a good job hiding it because if u was 2 see how we be acting you would be like he straight.thanks 2 Ask Annie Madea, Riley,and Anonymous. Damn another man lost to Beyonce smdh.

Taj said...

Because I`m SOOOOO f*cking different and deep ...
Amel Larrieux.

[eyeroll]
that broad needs to shake her tambourine elsewhere and fatass needs to take a jog around the block and meet up with Aunt Bessie at Church`s Chicken after service. <_<

Billy said...

Oh btw

Betty Wright
Betty Lavette

Chew on that deep stuff!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah im deeper than the sea!!!!!!!!!!!! You cant see me Beyonceitis!! None ya'll hoes can!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

bey on larry king live. did yall see it? good lawd, my boos speech skills are regressing...and larry took it there w/a rihanna question-bey talkin' bout we're like family...mmmmkay, lol...but i got my tix today-7/10/09...7pm...section 114, row 7, seat 11 beotches!!!

H.C said...

I fell of my chair when I heard Bey say "rihanna she's like family"
omg! NO! hell no! she ain't creole!! Beyonceitis the last time you said Beyonce & rihanna were related I tough you were kidding don't tell me this shit is real!!
FAMILY!

Jaz said...

now i knew beyonce was lying through her teeth when she said "rihannas a very talented girl.."

....since when, beyonce?

Anonymous said...

you guys are funny!!
rihanna is in 'the family of jay employees'.Yes she is family for sure just like neyo,latavia,etc

Anonymous said...

Of course Rihanna is like family to her- where do you think the royalties from Umbrella go to- Beyonce's and Papa Carter's joint account.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed beyoncé in Obsessed.The movie was really great,Cant wait for a remix with jay in Idris role and Rihanna in Ali Larter 's one.

Tayda said...

Anonymous said...
hold on, wait a minute and let me put my motherfreakin two cents in it- who is this overweight Rasputia wannabe talking about, huffing and puffing like hes about to blow my house down.

There are a few things a man like me cant tolerate:

1. People who are fat. YES I SAID IT, yes i know Aunty Mable's toes had stretch marks and Cousin Bertha does look like Biggie Smalls with a lacefront on, but come on- why are these fat fruit cakes popping out of everywhere all of a sudden.

2. People who dislike Beyonce. I know everyone has an opinion but this is the problem with the world- EVERYBODY is allowed anything, i think that people like this overcooked rhino should not be allowed to make youtube accounts or have children, well judging by my fruit radar this boy wont be popping out any kids soon but he could breast feed em.

3 (or is it 4,ah- whose counting?) Fat people who dislike Beyonce' and want everyone to know it.

In the time that he made that video he could have been at the gym burning some fat and getting familiar with a hair brush.

I simply cant tolerate fat Beyonce' haters, a sexy Beyonce' hater can hate but their comments still arent valid but a fat Beyonce' hater needs to get run down and believe me- I OWN A TRUCK.

April 23, 2009 3:10 PM

----

Rico, you so fiesty. Go sit that ass down.

Anonymous said...

when are we gonna get a new post? i just saw obsessed yesterday. it was good

Anonymous said...

Cant wait to see Obsessed too.I know that your not a fan of beyoncé "the actress" but Beyonceitis can we have a new post please.Haters are quiet now but are waiting for next week like evil.

And I'll post it here (and not other silly blogs) that Beyoncé just prove to Hollywood and more particulary SONY PICTURES AND MUSIC that she can carry an album without featuring,a tour without Big names opening (like PCD for miss brit),a film without Big male names(like bruce willis or etc..)
It's not only about the 28.5 millions but the independance she is getting in the industry.

Kudos to all
love u,Bitis ;-D

H.C said...

we should all be grateful & thank god for this week! mathew outdid himself with that statement he released regarding the fake audio calling people stupid! wow! Beyonce was all over the tv & she said 'I got 99 problemes but a bitch ain't one' why do I feel like she said it in purpose taking shots @ somebody?!! obesessed is making it big, I heard that I Am... has now sold 4 milli ww, & finally the sky must be falling bc Jay was huging Bey in public!

Tootie said...

Beyonceitis must have fainted from all the excitement. That must be the reason we have been forced to look at this jiggly puff gueen for damn near a full week.Someone pick him up off the floor so he can update please!



Movie review Please! Come on u know u want too.

WHY WON'T YOU LET SHARON BE GREAT!

Tracy Kaiser said...

BESSIE SHARPE DOES NOT EXIST. I RAN ACROSS THIS SITE AND I BET MY FRIEND A DINNER A FIVE STAR RESTAURANT THAT IF I POSTED A MESSAGE WITH A LIST OF PEOPLE WHO CAN SING BETTER THAN BEYONCE' YOU GUYS WOULD GO OFF AND RIP ME A NEW ONE. SHE SAID TO ME AND I QOUTE HER "EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OPINION. IT'S CRAZY TO ATTACK SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW OVER SOMEONE ELSE YOU DON'T KNOW FOR THEIR OPINION." BUT I KNEW BETTER. I KNEW YOU GUYS WOULD GET ME THAT DINNER. HEY DON'T FEEL TOO SORRY FOR MY FRIEND SHE'S A LAWYER HERE IN NORTH CAROLINA, SHE CAN AFFORD IT. THANKS OH FAITHFUL POSTERS FOR DINNER. BTW I LOVE BEYONCE' JUST AS MUCH AS YOU GUYS DO. OK MAYBE NOT THAT MUCH. BUT I ENJOY HER NAD ON A PERSONAL LEVEL I'M PROUD OF HER BECAUSE SHE HAS TALENT AND SHE IS DOING THINGS USUALLY RESERVED FOR THE WHITE GIRLS, LIKE BRITNEY. I LOVE THAT SHE IS BREAKING GROUND LIKE THE SINGERS BEFORE HER DID FOR HER. I REALLY JUST WANTED A FREE DINNER AS I AM STILL IN COLLEGE AND CAN BARELY AFFORD TACO BELL. I WILL THINK OF YOU ALL AS I ENJOY MY T-BONE STEAK. O.K SO MAYBE I WON'T BUT THANKS ANYWAY. SMOOCHES....

Anonymous said...

@Tracy Kaiser

stop being a moocher and buy your own food. TRICK!

Lil' Creole Pimp said...

@Tootie

Gueen?

*hi-five*

tootie said...

Creole Pimp... lets not talk about typing issues until we find out the reason why ur momma had on that fug ass green lipstick the other day. Looked like she sucked off the Jolly Green Giant or some shit.

Anonymous said...

omg yall are crazy in the comment section!...

Lil' Creole Pimp said...

Look, ho. I don't know who you think you is, Tootie, but you, me and three minutes and that there parking lot?

You will be wheeled away.

Tootie said...

lil alleged Creole (if thats a real race) pimp.... I would kick your challenged ass across a parking lot, like i would do that good guy doll Chuckie if i ever met his gay ass. Who btw is way more goon than u ho.

Solange said...

Creole Pimp... lets not talk about typing issues until we find out the reason why ur momma had on that fug ass green lipstick the other day. Looked like she sucked off the Jolly Green Giant or some shit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shut up ho! And respect my Juelzie!

Tootie said...

@solange
______
Sorry I dont respect window lickers.

Solange said...

Tootie said...
@solange
______
Sorry I dont respect window lickers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bitch!! u gonna respect my foot up yo ASSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matthew said...

@ tracie.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm PAUSE your friend is retarded if you told her "I bet you a dinner to a 5 star restaurant" that if you posted a negative comment about beyonce on a beyocne fan based site that you could get people to respond to your fictitious characters post in a negative way......... that ho got owned but I guess good play by you hanging out with dumb people ;) ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....... paaahhhleeaaassseeee

BeeHater said...

I co-sign to the terms and conditions!
This article was a great read. Keep up the good work!

lildrummerboi said...

I'm tired of logging on to your site only to find this big bear resting where I left him the last time..

It can be frightening, it can be deadly, it made me have to change my underwear (don't judge me).

I guess all I want is a new post.

Your brother in Christ (and my head),

Drummer boi

MJ said...

Can we get a new post about Kid Creole beating Ol Blue Eyes Efron and Torpedo Nipples Jamie Foxx with her movie Obsessed with a Creole?

Anonymous said...

Yall better stop acting like the Beyonceitis girl be making daily posts, lol--but anyways, I'm Kodak and I'm seeing Bey on 7/10 and I'm wearing my onsie and I think all of Beyonce's fans should wear onsies to her show too...it'll be a fun way to show our support (in addition to the expensive ass ticket)in a cooky (and only kinda hoish) way! 2009 is the year of the onsie yall!!

Anonymous said...

The mother of iconic pop legend Beyonce' has hit out at soul singer Aretha Franklin a year after Aretha hit out at Beyonce' for calling Tina Turner the Queen. In a track titled Smack That Diva Up, Tina calls out Aretha, below are the lyrics:

Uh uh (Smack a Diva up)
Uh uh (Smack a diva up)
Uh uh (smack up a diva up)
Y'all better hope i don't smack that diva up

They call me Tina K and my shit is wild
Try that ish again- and i'll skin you alive
Doggin on my first born now you will see
What happens to a diva when i get spicy
No-one on the corn field has a swagger like me
Extract your saliva- use it for ice tea
Yeah that's right- don't ever run yo mouth
Or i'll have Jonte kidnap yo ass and bring you down South.

Uh uh (Smack a Diva up)
Uh uh (Smack a diva up)
Uh uh (smack up a diva up)
Y'all better hope i don't smack that diva up

Wait a minute mother-fo, Imma put on you pause
Ain't never been so mad since my menopause
Ask Matt and he'll tell you how i get down
Might as well say Kiss Kiss, cos i'll be your Chris Brown (uh uh)
Shit- i'm slicker than a city rat
Better hope i don't catch you ridin dirty with that silver hat (uh uh)
Lock you up in the wig crypt
Have you brushing Sasha's shit (uh uh)
You dowanno drama
Cos i'm cool with Obama
And if gets to fighting and bomb yo ass like Osama

Uh uh (Smack a Diva up)
Uh uh (Smack a diva up)
Uh uh (smack a diva up)
Y'all better hope i don't smack that diva up

H.C said...

LMFAO @ 1:55! dang that was tight!

Anonymous said...

"Ask Matt and he'll tell you how i get down"

lmao!

Anonymous said...

DEAD LOVE IT :-D
-Queenyoncé-

Ask Matt and he'll tell you how i get down"

lmao!

i agree
I just saw OBSESSED.I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!

Anonymous said...

"And when you caught the spirit at the Beyonce Experience you were actually having a small stroke."
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

This man looks like he got drunk off-a twinkies & KFC. He needs to go sit down, or go run a mile on-a treadmil. Beyonce may not be a God/Goddess but she is a QUEEN, honey. She's accomplished things for the past 10+ years, that will take you a lifetime to achieve.

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

Someone is going to record that.

I won't...but someone will.

Anonymous said...

that fat thing need to shut the fuck up

Jaz said...

I bet this fatass is PISSED beyonce has the #1 movie right now!

Jaz said...

btw- what happened to your twitter account beyonceitis? (wigcryptkeeper)

i feel like some kind of stalker for saying that...=/

Tayda said...

To what tune is Smack That Diva Up sung?

Tracey Kaiser said...

@ ANONYMOUS. GO SHRINK AWAY IN A CORNER SOMEWHERE. TRICK. WHO ME? I LAUGH AT YOU'RE OBVIOUS IGNORANCE. SHE MADE A BET, SHE LOST SO SHE HAD TO PAY THE PIPER. I DON'T LEACH OFF NO ONE. TACO BELL IS FINE BY ME. WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE BESIDES INSULT SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW.

Anonymous said...

If you take that song, I WILL SUE YOUR CANDY ASS, i own the rights to Smack that Diva Up, if i hear this track on BET or any other black oriented channel where Ashanti spends her Sundays, i will sue.
Thankyou

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

Did anyone name LeBron as someone with a brown woman?
He's actually marrying her and she's a lil darker than caramel complected so that's a point!
lol

floacist said...

dead @ this list.

#10 is easier than you think. Britney has sang live plenty of times, however, she always wears dancing shoes.

Billboard 1999 (okay she's not singing completely live in this one, but she does a backflip in platform shoes, which is something I've never seen Beyonce do). She always sings to half sing something live (Teen Choice 1999).

逆円助 said...

さあ、今夏も新たな出会いを経験してみませんか?当サイトは円助交際の逆、つまり女性が男性を円助する『逆円助交際』を提供します。逆円交際を未経験の方でも気軽に遊べる大人のマッチングシステムです。年齢上限・容姿・経験一切問いません。男性の方は無料で登録して頂けます。貴方も新たな出会いを経験してみませんか

精神年齢 said...

みんなの精神年齢を測定できる、メンタル年齢チェッカーで秘められた年齢がズバリわかっちゃう!かわいいあの子も実は精神年齢オバサンということも…合コンや話のネタに一度チャレンジしてみよう

メル友募集 said...

最近仕事ばかりで毎日退屈してます。そろそろ恋人欲しいです☆もう夏だし海とか行きたいな♪ k.c.0720@docomo.ne.jp 連絡待ってるよ☆

家出 said...

最近TVや雑誌で紹介されている家出掲示板では、全国各地のネットカフェ等を泊り歩いている家出娘のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性の家にでもすぐに泊まりに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか

動物占い said...

あなたの性格を、動物に例えて占っちゃいます。もしかしたらこんな動物かも!?動物占いをうまく使って、楽しい人間関係を築いてください

家出 said...

家出中の女性や泊まる所が無い女性達がネットカフェなどで、飲み放題のドリンクで空腹を満たす生活を送っています。当サイトはそんな女性達をサポートしたいという人たちと困っている女性たちの為のサイトです

セレブラブ said...

セレブ女性との割り切りお付き合いで大金を稼いでみませんか?女性に癒しと快楽、男性に謝礼とお互い満たしあえる当サイト、セレブラブはあなたの登録をお待ちしております。

夏フェス!! said...

夏フェス一緒に行ってくれる人募集!!夏の思い出一緒につくろぉ☆ megumi-0830@docomo.ne.jp 連絡してね♪

無料ゲーム said...

あなたのゲーマー度を無料ゲーム感覚で測定します。15個の質問に答えるだけの簡単測定で一度遊んでみませんか?ゲームが得意な人もそうでない人もぜひどうぞ。

素人 said...

Hな女性たちは素人ホストを自宅やホテルに呼び、ひとときの癒しを求めていらっしゃいます。当サイトでは男性ホスト様の人員が不足しており、一日3~4人の女性の相手をするホストもおられます。興味を持たれた方は当サイトにぜひお越しください

出会い系 said...

実は出会い系には…関係者用入り口があるのを知っていますか?広告主やスポンサー用に用意されたIDではサクラや業者が立ち入ることが出来ないようになっているのです。当サイトでは極秘に入手した関係者用URLが公開されています

逆援助 said...

男性はお金、女性は快楽を得る逆援助に興味はありませんか?お金を払っても性的欲求を満たしたいセレブ達との割り切り1日のお付き合いで当サイトでは大金を得ることができます。無料登録なのでアルバイト感覚でOK、詳しくはTOPページでどうぞ。

友達募集 said...

ホムペ完成記念!私の事みんなに知ってもらいたくて頑張りましたぁ。色々とご感想をお待ちしているので思った事を意見してください。メアドはほむぺにのせてありますぅ!★ fan.jna@docomo.ne.jp

家出 said...

夏休みで気軽に家出する女子○生が急増しています。しかし家出したはいいものの泊る所やお金が無い彼女たちは、掲示板などで泊めてくれる男性を探す子も多いようです。当掲示板にも夏休みに入ってから通常の3倍以上のメッセージが寄せられています

人妻 said...

今最もアツイバイトは人妻とのセフレ契約です。当サイトではお金を払ってでもセフレがほしい人妻が集まり、男性会員様との逆援生活を待っています。当サイトで欲求不満の女性との出会いをしてみませんか

素人 said...

素人ホストでは、男性のテクニック次第で女性会員様から高額な謝礼がもらえます。欲求不満な人妻や、男性と出会いが無い女性達が当サイトで男性を求めていらっしゃいます。興味のある方はTOPページからどうぞ

友達募集中 said...

少し魅惑な自分をネットだから公開してみました。普段言えない事など、思い切って告白しているプロフなので興味ある方はぜひ除いてみてください連絡待ってまぁす。 hinyaaaaa@docomo.ne.jp