Testicle Difficulties

I would like to apologize for my outburst earlier. You know I usually conduct myself in a much more classy and dignified manner and I usually don't make it habit of arguing with 7 year olds, or adults who think like 7 year olds. I understand and have accepted the fact that most of what I do is preaching to the converted because the people who truly understand are not the people who need to read it. And the people who need to read it, probably can't read.

I've just been in a bad mood lately. Maybe the recession has gotten to me. I don't know. Up until last week I hadn't had sex since Solange's CD came out, and I thought that if I had sex it would help take the edge off. And I did have sex last week. Twice. I'm not saying both times were with the same person. I'm just saying...don't judge me. It was ok. On the sex scale I give them both a 6.


SEX SCALE:

1 = Get the hell off me.
2 = I guess you think that was sex...
3 = That wasn't sexy that was just nasty.
4 = Well, at least I was drunk...
5 = Don't call me, I'll call you.
6 = I might answer your text message within 48 hours.
7 = I will answer your phone call within the first 4 rings.
8 = I want to make you some grits
9 = I want to make you some pancakes
10 = You can have my debit card and PIN Number

It was ok, and I played safe (remember kids if he likes it then he will put a condom on it,) and although my neck and my back were into it, my heart wasn't in it. :(

What does this have to do with Beyonce?

Not a damn thing. Can't I just share my life with you? Why is it always about you? You selfish mofos...

Beyonce can't relate to my problem.

Beyonce sleeps under a man, on top of an expensive mattress full of money. So she wouldn't understand... that stankin' trick (and I say that with love and affection.)

As I get myself together please enjoy this YouTube fuckery:





65 comments:

lildrummerboi said...

A 6 huh? Hmmm

Beyonceitis said...

I'm looking for a 10. Or at least a 8. I think I person should have a 10 at least every 6 months. It is a vital part of your health. The government should pass a law or something. You know how they are giving out free coupons for digital TV converters? I think they should tell all the "10's" to stop being stingy. Share with your neighbor.

Beyonceitis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lildrummerboi said...

Ohhh, apology accepted..I thought the venting was kinda cute tho. Being that the "savior" would never flip the script on a foul mouth hoe...

lildrummerboi said...

Wouldn't hurt for a mandate stating such, they doing everything else for "us". U know they giving out free cell phones with minutes loaded each month?

Kelly Rowland said...

lildrummerboi said...
U know they giving out free cell phones with minutes loaded each month?
-----------------

Where?

lildrummerboi said...

www.safelinkwireless.com

U may just be eligible Ms. Rowland..

Tayda said...

lildrummerboi said...
www.safelinkwireless.com

I CAN FINALLY AFFORD MY OWN CELL PHONE....


You don't know what this URL means to me.

:'(

Anonymous said...

dead and buried @ the first vid..."shut up!! them other 2 bitches that left better learn how to sell pussy in iceland..."
*flatlines*

and i luv the sex scale...lately i've had my share of 1-5, sadly :(


why i gotta be anonymous

H.C said...

you don't have to apologize Beyonceitis! & of course you can share your life with us! I hope you get a 10 soon, good luck with that!

Anonymous said...

I just had a thought. You sound like someone I know personally. Were you in the Marines

Tootie said...

Apologies are for Puzzies... I cant remember who told me that. That therapy session was hilarious.

Miss Peaches said...

I had a 10 last week

I almost lost my wig! He was so BIG, so WIDE, so STRONG, almost didnt FIT, was so MUCH, so TOUGH, but I took it like a real BEYOTCH cuz IM SUCH A FUCKIN LADY!

MJ said...

The first video... ouchie.
The second video... way too similar.



I'll want a 9, I ain't givin nobody my money. Not in this recession!

melissa said...

Those videos are too funny!

beyonceits stan said...

I am so using your Sex Scale.
LOL@ 1,2, and 10

and the the Rihanna umbrella bit in the video was classic!

The Legend said...

I love the quote in the labels from Will & Grace "its funny because its true", or maybe you didn't get it from there but that's where I heard it.

Tayda said...

The Legend said...
I love the quote in the labels from Will & Grace "its funny because its true", or maybe you didn't get it from there but that's where I heard it.


====

LOOK BITCH, "It's funny because it's true," is a Tayda original.

Just like skull drag.

GET IT RIGHT!

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

I was done at the sex scale!
You are too much!

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

P.S> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V_-m4WW724

lord help us

Rob said...

*concurs @ the 10 segment* Hallelujah!

Anonymous said...

"I LOVE BEYONCE BUT ..."
Seriously,Iam really tired of people Keeping "things" real about B.
Everybody love to hate her.Remember Etta james:"The great Beyoncé..."and then diss."Bey's Rihanna greatest idol...." and turn the alter-zero",Cici love DC to death but Bee copies her for that TMugler outfits ?T-boz love beyoncé but she is just the product of an huge Sony Music/Mknowles favoristism?.

First,Everybody can keep it real but not bey even if she defends her father from a 10 years old problem and some stupid comparaisons about the Jacksons.Talkin about the jacksons,why nobody hate on Micheal cause the situation is the same maybe even worst?
Nobody kills jay when he fired C mili,T-error,etc for the forehead girl?Where was the interest conflict?Jay is not Rihanna's relative.
Why are you hatin on bey for that statement about the latina culture when black folks hate on her since 1998????? I'll wish to be born latina too if my people was full of hate toward me.
SO:-you copie bey,say it!
-you keep it real,let bey keep it real too!
-you cant have a successful solo career.Shut up and Go back to the studio.T-boz,really? lil bey (08/10years old) was a huge fan of you ??? HOW CAN YOU....Just like Hater James,HOW???

Anonymous said...

Did you guys know that " Obsessed " was temporarily titled " Oh no she didn't ! " according to IMDB.com i don't know why , but it just sound funny to me...
The trailer looks really good , Beyonce should do an heavy promo tour for this movie on talk shows ! But i guess she wont since she's on tour ...

The Dream said...

Anonymous said...
Did you guys know that " Obsessed " was temporarily titled " Oh no she didn't ! " according to IMDB.com i don't know why , but it just sound funny to me...
The trailer looks really good , Beyonce should do an heavy promo tour for this movie on talk shows ! But i guess she wont since she's on tour ...
----------------------

Did you know the original title of "Single Ladies" was "Marry Me Or I'm Going To Bleach All Of Your Clothes"?

Ne-Yo said...

Did you know the original lyrics to 'Irreplaceable' was "I can have another dick in a minute, as a matter of face it'll be here in a minute."

I wrote it about my life.

BC Jean said...

Did you know the original lyrics to "If I Were a Boy" was "If I Were a Ho?"


If I were a ho
I think you would understand
How it feels to fuck a girl
I swear I'd suck every man!


I intended it for Rihanna but Beyonce got it and changed the lyrics.

s said...

those two videos killed me. they were hella on pont too ahaha

Anonymous said...

Stop the Track! Let me State Facts!...

I love this damn blog, and you let them haters hate! If you wanna go off on somebody, go off.....I will keep coming back for more. This is my new addiction

Anonymous said...

Neyo you wrong for that comment.

Anonymous said...

"Bills Bills Bills" was initially titled " Letoya you ain't seeing no paycheck until Beyonce gets a new car " , true story !

Anonymous said...

Here is a list of the original titles of some of Bey 's songs :


" Nasty Girl " = " Rihanna , i curse the day you were born "
" Survivor " = " See Bitches , Mathew can kill your careers "
" Ring The Alarm " = " Look Bitch ! Go Back to Barbados now and no one gets hurt "
" Suga Mama " = " 80Millions in 2008 "
" Diva " = " I won 10 Grammies . "
" Beautiful Liar " = " I love you Latin America "
" Ego " = " Jay Z is hung like a horse "
" Listen " = " Look dad , i love you but don't make me go Kelly Rowland on your ass ! "
" Welcome To Hollywood " = " I don't fuck Polow da don or The Dream for tracks "

I'm not sure about that one but i hear , " Smash Into You " was originally titled " Thank you Chris Brown "

Anonymous said...

" Survivor " = " See Bitches , Mathew can kill your careers "

Ego " = " Jay Z is hung like a horse "

suga Mama " = " 80Millions in 2008 "
I'm not sure about that one but i hear , " Smash Into You " was originally titled " Thank you Chris Brown "
dead*REALLY FUNNY

Anonymous said...

She is jealous because she doesnt have a successful solo career.
bey was in a huge girl band and is now a biggest solo artist.Tboz,you need a cup of WINE

Anonymous said...

If you want to be a star,to something to your hair .

Khalid said...

This is a video from the "I Am" Tour!!! She is better at every other singer dancer stripper clerk and teller!!! and basically any proffession out there!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--_UP23F6i4

Anonymous said...

I'll buy the dvd , but i want behind the scenes and some bonus for this one ! PLS beyonce

Anonymous said...

beynceitis why do ppl(haters) keep saying tht jay-z runs that relationship and that bee has no friends cuz she stuck up

Summer said...

a 6 huh? damn, better then what im getting shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Anonymous said...

I had a 10 back in November , and it was GOOD !
other than that , it has been nothing but 4 & 5 for me ... I heard beyonce will be on the view to promote Obsessed , and maybe letterman , it has been a long time since the last time she was on a late night talk show ! i hope David Letterman introduce her as 10 x grammy winner & golden nominated actress Beyonce Knowles ! and let's hope she wears a green dress with her hair like she had when she went to Pastis , it looked gorgeous !

Tayda said...

Anonymous said...
I had a 10 back in November , and it was GOOD !
other than that , it has been nothing but 4 & 5 for me ... I heard beyonce will be on the view to promote Obsessed , and maybe letterman , it has been a long time since the last time she was on a late night talk show ! i hope David Letterman introduce her as 10 x grammy winner & golden nominated actress Beyonce Knowles ! and let's hope she wears a green dress with her hair like she had when she went to Pastis , it looked gorgeous !

April 14, 2009 6:42 AM

------------

First and foremost, congrats on getting dicked down properly.

Secondly, THIS AIN'T NOVEMEBER. This is fucking two-thousand and nine! That was then, this is now. If you can't find somebody to whip it real hard (quote provided by Rick Ross) then shut the fuck up and let me sing, Deena.

Third, stop all this spazzing out. Beyoncé is a GD person just like me and probably you. She puts her pants on one leg at a time and her tampon in slowly and cautiously just like the rest of us. I don't give a good goddamn if Dave announces her as "That Bitch You Love To Hate". As long as she play that Single Lady song. That Single Lady go hard.

Lil' Creole Ho said...

Anonymous said...
beynceitis why do ppl(haters) keep saying tht jay-z runs that relationship and that bee has no friends cuz she stuck up

April 12, 2009 9:18 PM

---

Cause yo' momma always lying and spreading folks' business.

Beyonceitis said...

ATTENTION TAYDA!

STOP HARASSING MY READERS!

IMMA GET WAYNE TO COME TITTYBOX YOU! YOU KNOW HE'S TAKING HORMONES NOW...

Tayda said...

ATTENTION TAYDA!

STOP HARASSING MY READERS!

IMMA GET WAYNE TO COME TITTYBOX YOU! YOU KNOW HE'S TAKING HORMONES NOW...

I am N-O-CENT.

Anonymous said...

Beyonceitis Ima need u to skull drag the hoes on MediaFakeOut and the commentors for being pussies, liars and instigators!

Anonymous said...

MTO has a deal with matthew to talk about beyonce AT LEAST 3 times a day.

and theyre bipolar too..

1 day they posted like 5 stories about her, no joke and then 1 more about jayonce

ms. morgana said...

yeah Matthew is a REAL businessman! i love how he hooked up that 2 for 1 beyonce commercial deal.

Am I the only one who notices commercial for Obsessed and Rhythm Heaven running back to back?
-that's the work of Matthew Knowles!

Anonymous said...

BEYONCEITIS WHAT IS YOUR TWITTER ACCOUNT?????????????!!!!!!!!

MUCH LOVE AND RESPECT TO YOU!

FOLLOW THE STANS @OWBCREW ON TWITTER

http://obsessedwithbeyoncecrew.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Yall need to watch these videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsiDUelSP80


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPKWWYLA0bg


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5tT6ll68yE


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mC-EQRYe0M

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