Same Shit, Different Toilet

This week I'm "celebrating" the 2 year anniversary of Beyonceitis. A lot has happened since then, but a lot has remained the same. I wish I could say that it is easier being a female artist in 2009 than it was in 2007. I wish I could tell you that Beyonceitis victims fought the good fight, and Beyonce let them be. I wish I could tell you that - but the music industry is no fairy-tale world.

I look at stanning for celebrities a lot like betting on horses at the racetrack, you pick a horse, you bet money on them, and if you win there's a pay off.

Our "pay-off" is the satisfaction of being proven right. Being able to be annoyingly obnoxious and throw it in your face that our horse is the #1 diva in the game while your horse is about to get dropped from her label. Our horse has 10 Grammys and a career that seems to get bigger everyday. Your horse is flopping and is about to be taken out back and shot between the eyes. Stanning for celebrities is just like betting on racehorses and I'll be damned if we didn't pick a winner.

I guess I should tell you how Beyonceitis came about. It was during the Dreamgirls/B-Day and there was strong effort on Beyonce's part to become a worldwide entertainment icon. There was even a stronger effort on the part of haters to make her go away. I noticed that Beyonce had put a lot of pop and R&B chicks out of work, she had slaughtered the game in a way that I never seen before. Just the mention of her name would spark 40 page arguments. I felt that this had to be documented. So I wrote and wrote until it started making sense.

So I put a link here.

And somebody took it here.

And of course since everybody and their gay uncle is on BeyonceWorld, things just went crazy from there.

After it was posted on BeyonceWorld it somehow appeared on this sea donkey's blog, and then she realized that it WASN'T a hater site and took it down, because Lord knows we can't say anything nice about Black people.

From there it ended up here, and here, and a bunch of other places. And the rest as they say, is history.

Today we're going to revisit Beyonceitis victims from 2007 and see if they were able to improve any over the last 2 years.

Brandy

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Brandy was finally able to put her legal troubles behind her, and get back into the studio to work on new music. I recall her stans storming BeyonceWorld saying that she was about to come back and reclaim her crown and put Beyonce in her place.

However, when the first week numbers were in Human debuted on the charts somewhere between Kevin Federline's album and the Best of Mokenstef. And the Brandy stans went away.

How She Can Beat the Sasha Flu: She signed to Jay-Z's Roc Nation (Bitch better have Sasha Fierce's money), whether or not that's a good or bad thing remains to be seen. The game has changed significantly since she was up on UPN every week doing her thing. I'm not exactly how, or if she can fit in. And although her recent albums may not have been commericially succesful, her time away from the spotlight has allowed people to revisit some of her previous work and gain a new appreciation for her talent, and it's nice to go to YouTube and Myspace to see so many new and up-and-coming artists cite Brandy as a musical and vocal influence.

Ashanti

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You hoes are just jealous because Ashanti writes her own music, and is a classically dancer,and her 1st album had the highest first week sales of any debut female artist in history and she was the first artist since the Beatles to occupy the top 2 spots on the Hot 100. Blah, blah, blah bark, bark, bark. Although "The Way That I Love You" peaked at #2 on the R&B charts, and Ashanti promoted the album with the obligatory TV appearances "The Declaration" debuted at #878. "Good, Good" was supposed to boost the album but it stalled at radio because for some reason people will support a song about licking Lil' Wayne's penis, yet nobody wanted to hear a song about the goodness of Ashanti's snatch. Putting the shitty icing on yet another shitty cake, Ashanti was dropped from Murder Inc., which would be a bad thing if it wasn't Murder Inc.

How She Can Beat the Sasha Flu: Although "The Declaration" went triple "Miss Kelly", Ashanti continued to keep herself busy touring, promoting, and performing at Six Flags, bingo casinos, and White Castle parking lots across the country. Plus, she has been preparing for a run as Dorothy in a production of "The Wiz" in New York City.

Janet Jackson



After 4 years of blacklisting, her album "Discipline" did get her back on the radio and on MTV. MTV even had an elaborate promotional campaign behind her album. The album did debut at #1 (the 6th #1 of her career), but about 3 weeks, the album dropped down low and swept the bottom of the charts. Def Jam was unhappy with the musical direction Janet was going in. They wanted her to take a more Anita Baker/Sade route with her sound, and when she told them to kiss her ass they stopped all singles, promotions, and future video releases. In September she finally launched a tour to good reviews in Vancouver, and she planned to take it all over the world, but got no further than New York City. The tour was cancelled due to "scheduling conflicts". 2 weeks later her and her pet chimp were spotted riding camels in Dubai.

How She Can Beat the Sasha Flu: Janet is a legend, no doubt, so I can't blame the lack of interest in her tour on ageism or even the shitty ass economy, because Madonna is in her 50's and Tina Turner was entertaining passengers on the Underground Railroad and they both had successful tours in 2008. The gatdamn New Kids on the Block had a more successful tour and they haven't had a hit since "227" was on the air. Regardless of the reason it was yet another sad year to be a Damita Jo stan, but I'd still like to think she's just one dance hit away from a respectable comeback.

Kelly Rowland

Oh Kelly...(sigh). I really thought she was going to make it. She had a new confidence and new sound with "Miss Kelly", and what seemed like a certified club banger, but as it turned out not a lot of people wanted to bump like this. The same people complaining about Matthew sabotaging Kelly's career clearly were not outraged enough to actually support Kelly and buy the album. Despite the fact that Beyonce was nice enough to share her BET Awards performance slot with Kelly, "Miss Kelly" debuted at #6 on the charts, and disappeared quickly.

How She Can Beat the Sasha Flu: She is no longer managed by Matthew, and we shall see whether or not that helps. She hosts a reality show on Bravo. I don't have the strength to go on...

Keri Hilson

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You wack-ass Beyonce stans are just mad because Keri Hilson has REAL talent and can write a song unlike that stealing-ass, fake-ass Beyonce.

Oh word?

I wouldn't brag about being able to write a song if I couldn't write myself a hit big enough to compete with even the flopping chicks in the game. Despite the fact that Keri was presented as a self-contained songwriter and producer on her debut album she got lost in the mix among a bunch of producers and guest stars who are frankly more talented than she is. Polow da Don made her write a A-list check that her D-list ass couldn't cash when he encouraged her to take subliminal shots at unnamed female artists who were more successful than she was. Of course people assumed she was talking about Beyonce because Beyonce is always on somebody's brain. Suffice to say Beyonce stans didn't like this at all. They formed a circle around the Best Buy where Keri works and put a Louisiana Creole voodoo hex on her album sales.

How She Can Beat the Sasha Flu: Well, she does have a unique style, I call it "discount urban lesbian chic". Like so many Beyonceitis victims before her, her album was well-produced and had big names attached to it, but she has contributed nothing vocally or performance-wise that Rihanna or even Ashanti couldn't do. Her album may not be a blockbuster, but I expect it to be a steady seller and stay on the charts for a while. It will probably go platinum around the time Baby Daniel graduates high school.


Ciara

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2007 Status: Beyonceitis Survivor
2009: Beyonceitis Victim (Critical)

It's hard to know where to begin with Miss Harris, so I'll start with three words: "Dollar General Desperation". "Dollar General Desperation" is when you are desperate to become bigger than what you are yet you lack the budget, talent, and/or looks to convincingly pull it off. In 2007 Cecil might not have been Sasha Fierce famous, but she had a respectable career. She sold a decent amount of records, radio and MTV liked her, and although she was a mediocre vocalist at best, she had the energy and enthusiasm to become a great live performer. Then one day BET had a list of their Top 25 dancers of all time. Ciara came in at #25. Instead of being grateful for being in the company of dance icons like Alvin Ailey, Janet Jackson, and Michael Jackson, Ciara felt that she should have been higher up on that list despite the fact that she had been in the industry for all of about 2 years. Then she started thinking "Well, if Beyonce is a big star I can be a big star too!" So like the little sister playing in her big sister's clothes and make-up Ciara started playing dress up. The goal was to recreate Ciara as an iconic diva sex symbol. She showed her rectum on the cover of VIBE, MTV did a series of semi-funny video shorts to promote her album, she became BFFs with Kim Kardashian, she signed with Justin Timberlake's management who tried their hardest to create the illusion that she was a worldwide superstar (I still giggle when somebody says "Grammy Award winner Ciara). After heavy promotion including a performance on Saturday Night Live, when the 1st week numbers came in Ciara was #3 behind Chrisette Michelle, and to be honest, I didn't even know Chrisette's album was coming out. I'm all for artistic growth and trying new things, but not everybody was designed to be a "diva". It doesn't make you less than or better than it's just not everybody has the attitude or body frame to pull off certain looks.

How She Can Beat The Sasha Flu: Don't count Ciara out yet. Chris Brown's last album debuted at #4, but he was still able to have a successful headlining tour, a re-release, 3 million copies sold, and a whole bunch of...um...hits. Ok, that might not be the best example, but now that a couple thousand people finally have her album, Ciara can make more informed decisions about which singles to release, and what fashion choices to make... and for the love of Agnes please get rid of those tobacco field-ass braids.


Christina Aguilera

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2007 Status: Beyonceitis Victim
2009: Beyonceitis Victim (Serious, but stable)

Christina Aguilera is the voice of YOUR generation. Not mine though. This is the voice of my generation. Christina has the talent and she's never been afraid to try new things, but the mainstream attention has been fading. For some reason she has a hard time getting people to give a damn. Britney's vagina got more coverage than her last album.

How She Can Beat The Sasha Flu: If she can get pass Lady Gaga to even get to Beyonce then I'll post a YouTube video of myself dressed as Diana Ross singing "Touch Me In The morning and then just walk the fuck away"


Rihanna

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2007 Status: Beyonceitis Survivor
2009 Status:Domestic Violence Survivor

Here's a list of things I would rather do than watch Rihanna perform live:

I would rather watch water boil.

I would rather watch a dog eat its own feces.

I would rather read Ashanti's book Foolish/Unfoolish: Reflections on Love, then write a 15 page book report

I would rather drink after Superhead

I would rather count the wrinkles on Ciara's balls.

Please come back tomorrow and I'll give an extended list of things I would rather do than watch Rihanna perform live.

Having said that, "Good Girl Gone Bad" took it back to the days back when there were more than 3 good songs on an album and artists could milk an album for 2 years. 7 singles went to the top 20, 3 went #1. She cranked out hit after hit, and looked damn good while doing it. VIBE voted her the most stylish star of the year. So what if she sounds like a goat being sexually violated by a dying cat. You kids don't really care about things like "vocal ability" and "stage presence" just as long you have some numbers to brag about. We shall not discuss her "car accident", or the other unpleasantries of that evening. Nor the (alleged) leaked pictures of her booty butt cheeks (we'll talk about that later this week). They will have no effect on her career.


Alicia Keys

2007 Status: Beyonceitis Survivor
2009 Status: Beyonceitis Survivor

"As I Am" sold a gazillion copies. She did a good job in "Secret Life of Bees" (the one movie where Beyonce's country-ass accent would come in handy). In 2008, she embarked on her first arena tour. I won't discuss the actual tour ticket sales because you'll call me a hater, but you bitches wanna be on Ticketmaster everyday seeing how many seats Beyonce sold. I'll just say she cancelled a couple of shows due to "illness". On the flipside, "As I Am" was shut out of all album categories at the Grammys, and that mess that y'all are trying to start about that other woman's husband, y'all need to cut that out. You have no proof that she did anything wrong. Alicia plays the piano! She's real...she writes songs...and stuff... but we'll talk about that later this week too.


Mariah Carey

2007 Status: Beyonceitis Survivor
2009 Status: Beyonceitis Survivor

E=MC² was another high mark in a legendary career, she has received critical acclaim (and even a little Oscar buzz) for 2 independent films "Tennessee" and "Precious" which I can't wait to see. To top it off next year will mark 20 years since the
release of her first album. On the flipside, after "Touch My Body" E=MC kinda lost steam, and I shall not discuss her recent live vocal performances, as I would hate to have skin a few Lambs today.

Britney Spears (Honorable Mention)

2007 Status: Comatose
2009 Status: Still comatose, but on tour

Forget Sasha Fierce, Britney is the female version of hustla. While Beyonce kills herself every night doing pointless things like singing live, dancing, interacting with the crowd, and knowing what month it is, Britney makes about 2 milli a night and all she has to do is walk in a circle, lip synch, and dry hump gay dancers for an hour. I lip synch Britney Spears songs and dry hump gay dancers in my apartment every Friday night and I don't make a damn nickel. Ladies and gentleman that's a diva.

As for actual album and single sales, I'm not sure what you're supposed to say about a person who sells more perfume than albums. I don't want to use the "F" word, but if Beyonce's album performed like "Circus" is doing, people wouldn't hesitate to call it a F_____ (rhymes with "mop"). Britney was never really a Beyonceitis victim because Beyonce was the LEAST of her worries, but watching videos of performing 10 years ago then watching current videos of her basically dragging herself across the stage everynight makes me sad.

Keyshia Cole

2009 Status: Beyonceitis Survior

Like Beyonce, Keyshia Cole owns more wigs than clean panties, and has a mother with a colorful personality (I wonder who would win in a slap boxing match, Frankie or Celestine?) But fortunately for Keyshia that's where the similiarties end. You can never accuse Keyshia of being a Sasha Fierce clone (although this pic gives me the Beyonce Experience). She continues to make great music and she has proved that you can switch up your style without losing your idenity. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel said that Keyshia Cole is the most important female urban artist to arrive on scene since Beyonce. I think I would have to agree.


233 comments:

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Deon said...

"But the music business is no fairy-tale world."

But it's full of unfair realities. I can't stop laughing at how funny that is.

"Everybody and their gay uncle" --HAH!

"SEA DONKEY" --WOW, that was probably the best thing you've ever called her.

"I wouldn't brag about being able to write a song if I couldn't write myself a hit big enough to compete with even the flopping chicks in the game." --PREACH.

One thing, can you please have ANOTHER talk with Janet fans? they just refuse to acknowledge that Beyonce can dance, and won't even cite Ego as a real artistic dance effort. Some of them believe that if they can do the piece it isn't a real dance. To them, the beauty of Janet is that doing her pieces was nearly impossible unless you were SUPAHHHH FIYCE (yes, lisp included).

Man, you are so funny. Can we have coffee? The person you deemed as the voice of your generation just made my mouth gape open.

"How She Can Beat The Sasha Flu: If she can get pass Lady Gaga to even get to Beyonce then I'll post a YouTube video of myself dressed as Diana Ross singing "Touch Me In The morning and then just walk the fuck away" --TRUER words have never been spoken.

"Domestic Violence Survivor" -- I'm just shaking my head, because it's too dang on funny

"Forget Sasha Fierce, Britney is the female version of hustla. While Beyonce kills every night herself doing pointless things like singing live, dancing, interacting with the crowd, and knowing what month it is, Britney makes about 2 milli a night and all she has to do is walk in a circle, lip synch, and dry hump gay dancers for an hour. I lip synch Britney Spears songs and dry hump gay dancers in my apartment every Friday night and I don't make a damn nickel. Ladies and gentleman that's a diva. " --THANK YOU! No one understands why I don't like Britney, but I certainly respect her hustle!

You respect Keyshia. That makes me happy, I'll even pay for the tea when we go have coffee. I only drink tea.

Anonymous said...

Oh god that was funni

lildrummerboi said...

hahhaha..Ouch!

"Domestic Violence Survivor" caught me off guard. I almost choked on my coffee :| (no joke, literally..)

But yeah, there were many other moments that got me close, that line just took me over...

P.S. Looks like we're in for a week long *cross my fingers* celebration with a post everyday.

H.C said...

congrat Beyonceitis, thank you for two years of greatness!! I hope there is many more to come...

but that was funny as hell, those pictures! ciara!! LMFAO!!
I think I just found the voice of my generation!

can't wait for the other posts this week!

Anonymous said...

I loved this damn blog and current update. Hopefully this is just the beginning of a week long celebration since you hinted at talking about Rih-Rih's ass cheeks later this week.

Here is to many more years of Beyonceitis. I am depending on you to keep me entertained while Beyonce is on her two year break. If she takes it... It will be funny to see these chicks continue to fail when Beyonce is no where in sight.

Mr. FAMU said...

I really enjoyed this post. I been on this site since the beginning. Like I remember I sent it to my homegirl and she made a photo for your site way back in 2007. We were so thrilled that this site existed.

Tell me why I am over hear near tears watching the Diana video. I always forget just how gorgeous and sophisticated Lady Diana is. Who was embodying all that hollywood glamour around her time? I mean not even Diane Caroll. Diana is the original Diva and definitely paved the way!

And yes Ciara got to big for her britches. Not every female singer is meant to be a Diva. You dont see Jill Scott, India Arie, or Sade trying to be Divas. They know they got their own games on lock and dont need to try to do that extra ish.

I do not feel sorry for Ciara. She is alone to blame for her failure.

BEYSUS Reigns!

Anonymous said...

I agree 1000%, as usual, and I do think that while I come here to chuckle and giggle and be free to indulge my Beyonce obsession in private (I am surrounded by jealous haters, apparently)you are always on point with what you say. Damn, when I think about it where the hell did all teh R&B/pop ladies vanish to??? Before Beyonce shit on teh game and left Michelle and Kelly to work at Captain D's some damn where, there were quite a few ladies on TV and radio singing, smiling, and dancing. Now.....not so much. I mean yeah, there's Keri, Alicia, Keyshia, and Rhianna who I guess are "big" right now. But not one of those heffas could go toe to toe with Beyonce. Its like she has become the damn definition of the game, and all other female artists have silently agreed to be her backup singers.

Your sister in Christ,

Ms. I talk Like This cause I can Back it up

Anonymous said...

She showed her rectum on the cover of VIBE

WHY DON'T YOU PUNCH ME DIRECTLY IN MY FACE???? IT'D HURT ME LESS THAN THIS FUCKERY!!!

Anonymous said...

*Ashanti-she is just the Rihanna of the 2001.NEW FACE,NEW LOOK,NEW RNB SOUND and NEXT....

*Ciara-She want to be big like beyoncé because she was the real competition after Sasha take-over (C.I.Love)but you need fanbase and creativity

*Janet-she is a Jackson and that's enough to sell or to flop if Big bro sells or flops too.

*Kelly-She is the greastest urban artist jsut behind B and Amerie,but she nedd more people...not managers

*Keysha,I gave you this article and cant believe how you use it againt ME.Anyways,if she is talented ..Rendez-vous in 4 years !!

*Brandy-an ex- diva in trouble..crossing my fingers than maybe one day......1 hit...who knows?

Anonymous said...

*Rihanna-the new Ashanti,well surrounded,well managed ..NO CAREER,NO AMBITION,NO ABITLITIES just numbers behind her *_* ...not that much too.Same destiny in shanti'eyes:prison,Def jam troubles ..

*Aguilera-the voice of MY generation.Second favorit singer but only singer...cause that's all she is;not an hustler at all :(
She is always first to take risks but in the wrong way

*Britney-She is like Dora the explorer.you can sell aveything with her face on it ..but you must have a new thing every year ..an new album,new parfum,new movie *sigh*,tv programs,parfum,movie,album and Then an New come back.

*Keri hilson-She is ....new Olivia/rihanna/ashanti.She is succesful because people around her are successful now...then TO THE LEFT TO THE LEFT.

After all...I am the first surprised my Beyoncé's success.I became a fan because she was so Beautiful and origial and sexy and baby boy was so great ....but I stay because of Sasha.

And with you,the blog was just SO funny to me but it's soooo TRUE.

"HAPPY Bey'DAY TO THE FIRST SASHA REPRESENTATIVE"

PS:sorry for the mistakes and thanks because you inspire me for my own blog ;)

Anonymous said...

much respect to miss cole on being a new survivor

To the other r n b chickens keep miss sasha fierce out your mouth because i the whole music buying community knows that Beyonce is the business .Some might not like it but they know the truth.

@ beyonceitis Thank you for introducing me to that song by Khia.

Thank you again for bringing dignity to being a B fan because these blogs be on a mission to destroy sasha.

Anonymous said...

Forgot to say Happy birthday beyonceitis .I will stan for you any day

TOOTIE said...

AHEM TOOTIE IS ABOUT TO GET HER KANYE ON:



BITCH YOU KNOW U A TRIFLIN COOCHIE COBWEBB/DUSTY DICK HAVING HO (WHAT EVER GENDER U ARE TODAY) FOR DO THAT TO TREYS PICTURE.!!!!


PARDON ME I HAVE TO GO READ THE REST NOW.

Beyonceitis said...

YOU KNOW U A TRIFLIN COOCHIE COBWEBB/DUSTY DICK HAVING HO (WHAT EVER GENDER U ARE TODAY) FOR DO THAT TO TREYS PICTURE.!!!!
--------------------------

Yo man know what gender I am ho!


(love u Toots)

Anonymous said...

Why must I cry???????

tobacco field ass braids....priceless.

Tayda said...

TREMAINE NEVERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*automatic moisturizer*


Woooh wooooh! If I didn't just kill over at that pic just the same way I kilt over at the first sighting of CiCi's tobacco field ass cornrows, may Jesus come down from Heaven and C-Walk on my grave and piss on my tombstone. Let Rihanna be great, I still don't like her voice, but my real-life events hearing after Rehab was a great triumph for me.

And I am no longer a Keri Hilson Customer Service Rep... Me and Habib would answer all the phones at the customer service place and tell all the hating ass hoes to check the credits and recognize a real woman, but then we found out that Keri Hilson was a rude, conceited BITCH IN THE MORNING... and now it's time for that bitch to be exposed!

Me and Tootie came through the projects looking for you last night to play Uno, but we forget which apartment was yours. Ring me up, T-Bagg!!!

Tootie said...

yeah T-bagg face! Hit us up one time, hell... we aint seent ur fuck ass outside of the grammy night and ur 2week trial run on twitter.


tayda: "he dont love us no more, Jody!!!" {/yvette on babyboy}


Oh Tay Tell Vp about the bitchfit u pulled when i got Unbanned!

Jaz said...

OH MY GOODNESS....that picture of Fantasy Ride made me laugh so hard I farted...


and Britney really is a diva. except she doesn't really have to hustle. who wouldnt kill to have that job? sasha fierce is seen sweating like she just completed a marathon on stage after performing on the i am tour
http://www.mediatakeout.com/2009/32447-hard_working_bey_beyonce_photod_sweating_profusely_during_her_concert.html

and Brit doesn't even have to break a sweat/flip upside down/SING/or anything. I don't know how she pulls it off but good for her!

congrats to you and Sasha fierce on 2 recent great years and many more to come! This sites the truth

ms. morgana said...

I agree 1001%.

But oh goodness, this part here had me choking on my grape drink.

Forget Sasha Fierce, Britney is the female version of hustla. While Beyonce kills herself every night doing pointless things like singing live, dancing, interacting with the crowd, and knowing what month it is, Britney makes about 2 milli a night and all she has to do is walk in a circle, lip synch, and dry hump gay dancers for an hour.

LMAO! I will never stop laughing at the efforts of britney spears and that "Merry Christmas" line was exactly what I expected from her. PO' THANG

Anonymous said...

Congrats Wig!!!

WHERE is the section on J FUG?

The fat Aunt Jemima singer who was handpicked out of her Baptist church gospel choir and given a plethora of pity awards for her family being in a ghetto tragedy?!!!!!!!

The "Oscar" and "Grammy" winner who can't even go Platinum yet.

The woman with the out - o -wedlock pregnancy and the ex reality jiggalo who looks mighty sweet and zesty.

I demand Jennifer Fugson get a section!

shit said...

ill have to disagree with the keyshia cole statements, I think her music is too wack 4 words, but anywho- great Post!!

Anonymous said...

This post was HILARIOUS!! Along with most of these comments!!

I won't even say the same shit that I always say to you...you already know what it is!!

MJ said...

Can we declare Ashanti's "singing career" as officially dead? I mean, she hasn't produced a real hit since Moses went to the mountaintop.

Anonymous said...

You dont understand ...Beyonceitis love her some RiHOnna,Assie and Jennifer DONUT-son.

melissa said...

Awww, so sad, too bad! lmao!

Anonymous said...

"shit" IAM WITH YOU.:( sorry..no ma'am keysha no

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

LAAAAAAAAAAAAWD! Damn you for those pictures. You ain't shit.
And when I got to "Domestic Violence Survivor" I damn near fell out of my chair...I know better than to drink while reading this. *pats self on back*

Yet again dead on. And fantastic. And don't get my hopes up for a week long celebration and then get busy with some...ego...and leave me hanging! lol



And Anon 6:10: LEAVE J-HUD ALONE! (Even though I too was hella confused when she popped up with Punk.)

Patpricka said...

Happy Anniversary

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahaaaa lol@Jennifer DONUT-son. For reals -thats the only girl Beyonceitis ain't put on the list. SMH. Damn shame he aint think of her. Guess she not in the game!

Tayda said...

Fuck you Tootie. Fuck you up the ass no vaseline with the sickest dick Supahead done sucked in her career.


And you J.Hud haters got wack jokes. I don't convey or support Jabba the Hud [check in the mail] but y'all need to come harder.

Anonymous said...

LMAO @ the Ciara and Keli Hilson's pics. you are too much, too strong, but you sure can back it up.LOL. Happy anniversary. I think i love this site more than i love Sasha, well,may be not more but definitly as much.

Toot that thang up on yo man Ho said...

Tayda you so mean lmfao. Dont be wishing no sick dick raw ass fucking on me. so disrespectful...

Anonymous said...

Can we declare Ashanti's "singing career" as officially dead? I mean, she hasn't produced a real hit since Moses went to the mountaintop.

------------------------

Along with Kelly Rowland's career. R.I.P!

And I like Lady Gaga. I think since the Domestic Violence Survivor has been busy getting her life in order, she has become the new "it girl". I would much rather hear about her all day since she can actually sing and dance live(but not as sexy as Sasha) and play the piano(and not as soulfully as Alicia).
I love anyone who plays the piano...its so beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGrxuby_WuE

I would make a comment about her lyrics("I wanna take a ride on your disco stick?") but that would be a little hypocritical since I'm listening to "Its too big, its too wide..." right now...LOL

Anonymous said...

WHAT THE FUCK ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TvNyH4ivRg

Beyonce got to stop.some poor crazy dudes ...oh my -_-

Tayda Salad said...

Toots, I'ma need for you to stop saying scandalous shit if you don't want to get your shit busted then put on display.

Anonymous said...

OMG. This is one of the funniest yet. Love the comments too.

The picture of Uncle Cletus is just the funniest. Please post more this week. Would love to hear what you have to say about the ego video.

I'm really getting hype cause the creole queen is coming to Philly in less than 30 days!

Last year I won a chance to meet her, but missed the fuckin email and phone call cause my stan ass spent the whole day in the spa preparing for the show. Let us all pray that some how, some way over the rainbow, the gods will bless me with the chance again. If not, I'll just have to violate that restraining order. No biggie.

Happy Anniversary.

Anonymous said...

flatline at these coments 12;00

Anonymous said...

vote for sasha at the BET awards
http://www.bet.com/Specials/betawards09/betawards09_nominees_viewerschoice.htm?

if u dont, u shall die!

Anonymous said...

beywigonce cant fucks with alicia keys

end/

Ariel_V said...

the picture of Ciara made me cry.

Anonymous said...

How do you pronounce "beywigonce"?

Anonymous said...

thats pronounced
"bey-immahaterwithnolife-wig-once"


the things they come up with. like "i am...sausage fierce"
"i am...sasha flop"
those aren't even funny or true. if your gonna mess with the queen at least do it right please.

That Ego video posted by 9:59 is ridiculous. do I really have to go through this again?(seeing grown men with their genitalia hanging out, thinking its sexy, trying to be like sasha) I can't do tis again...lol

Rob said...

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AT khia being the voice of our generation!

Anonymous said...

@3.22
LMAO
oh me too..can somebody stop SASHA FIERCE?
nicole of PCD,Fergie of BEP?..others chicks?

the video@ 9:59 is just waow *_*

DRB said...

You better not mess with Mariah! Her vocals just disappointed me today but I'll hop in stan mode real fast. My theory about Beyonce (who I kinda hate) is: Her fans cause her to be hated, but I love reading your site.

Anonymous said...

@5:52
"Dont hate the player,hate the game"
oh sorry SHE IS THE GAME :D

Anonymous said...

You
Your
Yours
YOU'RE

May 28 @ 322 FAIL

May 28th 552 PASS

Gays, use your commas, and use "your" correctly. If not, YOU'RE going to make me Sasha mAd.

Anonymous said...

Hiya Wig

Just saw a post on plies on other blogs and remembered your post about Miss Tina and plies having a big heart and all.

Beyonce influence pop culture and you my dear influence blog culture.

author of 3:22 said...

May 28 @ 322 FAIL

May 28th 552 PASS

May 28 @ 322 FAIL

May 28th 552 PASS

Gays, use your commas, and use "your" correctly. If not, YOU'RE going to make me Sasha mAd.

-----------------------------


So you just assume the only ones on here are black gay guys huh? LOL.... I don't know the ratio..but I myself have a vagina.

Anonymous said...

may i just alert u that Keri Hilson is talking smack about our baby Rihanna on twitter, she said, "my shoot for complex mag are sexy but not sexy or as slutty as the leaked of photos of a few other girls right now."

bitch must pay

H.C said...

^^^^^^^

I think I may become friend with sKeri hilson after all...

Anonymous said...

So she is just trying to pick a fight with anyone these days to try and sell a record now huh?

it makes me SICK how (evil white) people like to see black women pitted against each other. And how shameless and ignorant this bitch is to just go along with their racist stereotypes to make a buck. I like "knock you down" and i could have been a fan of hers but now whenever I hear her name I just get angry. I don't care about Riri or Cassie, but what a shameless whore.

Beyonce (or any other artist) didn't get to the status she is at now by insulting the women who came before her. Who she think she is?

Anonymous said...

Lol HC I know that's right! Might be a Skeri fan convert if she is not down for the Rihtard! Baby my @$$!That 10 head having long drink of water ho is NOT a baby.

Circa1980 said...

I never thought I could love someone I didn't know until I read your blog a couple years ago. You keep me laughing! I would LOVE to hang out with your ass! All of the post was funny, but the part that brought me to my knees laughing was the Ciara pic 'cause I was so not expecting that! You are too much...

Anonymous said...

I just come on here everyday to look @ that photo of Ciara. It still makes me laugh every time! They really look similar too. lmao

Anonymous said...

At last,your Queen "KILLER" OR "CREOLE",whatever you choose to call her is releasing MY SONG THAN I LL BE SINGING FOR EVER ...I MEAN FOR 1 YEAR:
BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE.

thanks matthew!

Anonymous said...

The C-Error/Trey Songs morphed photo is my desktop background...brings the LOLs every time I gotta log on!!!! Thanks Wig!

Anonymous said...

AND THE BREAKOUT VICTIM OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO.................

SOLANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AFTER FAILING TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE ON ANY RELEVANT BILLBOARD CHART SHE STILL MANAGES TO GET BOOKED FOR GIGS ON VARIOUS TALK SHOWS. THIS WOMAN IS A MAGICIAN!!! SHE MANAGED TO CONVINCE HER LABEL TO KEEP HER AROUND AFTER HER ALBUM GOT CERTIFIED TRIPLE PLASTIC IN EVERY COUNTRY!! SAY WHAT!! WHILE OTHER VICTIMS ARE GETTING DROPPED FROM THEIR LABELS FASTER THAN A HOOKERS MINISKIRT SOLANGE MANAGES TO STAY EMPLOYED! I WONDER WHATS HER SECRET????

Tayda said...

Oh my effing God. Just had a stan moment. I saw Danica Patrick done did her a batch of Boost Mobile "Unwrong'd" commercials and I thought, "Beyonce could easily have her own Unwrong'd commercial"

Picture it.

Beyonce is in a hotel room vanity mirror, wrapping her hair for the night. A small cute girl with the longest, flowingest hair enters her hotel room. Beyonce is dumbfounded and amazed at the adorableness... of the wig that's on this lil' girl's head.

She takes the wig off of the girl's head and attaches her to her own then she says:

"What you think this is wrong? Good hair is so hard to come by these days. It's not wrong. I'll tell you what's wrong. Cell phone companies that charge a hidden fee for basic features on your phone that make it hard for Kelly to pay for a texting plan. That's why I got Boost Mobile. Their $50 monthly unlimited plan has no hidden fees."

Then she looks to the girl and says, "You're dismissed." Then she, herself, exits stage right.

What you think, VP? Is it good or should I carry my ass back to sleep? Yes or no? Maybe. Get back to me?

Okay.

edziol said...

Loves the site and most of all the quality posts about bee and all her mediocre artist friends! Keep it up another couple of years or until bee gets that divorce you mentioned before and re-marries Justin, then gets divorced again and re-marries Jigga! lol! Check out my blog for other gen Y *ish!

Anonymous said...

"I AM ...UNRELEASED SHIT" will be available at Wal-Mart everywhere and J&R Music stores in New York City beginning June 16.
CD
1.roc
2.lost yo mind
3.stop sign
4.settle
5.proud to be an american
6.Love in this club part II
7.back-up

DVD." I AM ...Your queen,bitches "
1.I AM ...SINGING FOR THE PRESIDENT
2.I AM ...SINGING WITH PRINCE
3.I AM ...SINGING WITH TINA TURNER.4.I AM ... SINGING AT THE OSCAR/ULTIMATE MEDLEY
5.I AM ...SHITTIN ON YOUTUBERY/SINGLE LADIES MEGA COMPIL
6.I AM ...SINGING FOR BARBARA STREISAND
7.I AM ...IN 2ND PLACE FOR THE HOTTEST CELEBRITIES COUPLES IN HOLLYWOOD.
8.Bonus."where yo boss at" behind the scene."you NEVER EVER gonna have my wedding pics or naked pics" behind the scene.

Anonymous said...

keep voting for sasha yall


she against skeri hilson, tpain, ti and soulja boy


http://www.bet.com/specials/betawards09/betawards09_nominees_viewerschoice

Anonymous said...

there is only ONE person who can compete with the QUEEN CREOLE and her name is EMPRESS ALICIA and well maybe PRINCESS RIHANNA TOO! I LOVE ALL THREE!

Trisha said...

^^^compete in what?

because if you're think that alicia or rihanna are better than beyonce at mixed martial arts or holding their breath underwater or world of warcraft.....you're sadly mistaken..

Anonymous said...

snap for trisha,clap 4 trisha...
Queen creole is not competing anymore,she is the competition;she is the GAME MTF

wun sexii kat said...

http://i368.photobucket.com/albums/oo126/theybf/May%2009/c85baab8.jpg

I feel like you would have a blast with this.

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

LMAO@ Tayda!

Add her chasing the girl around a table (loaded with Popeye's, Feria hair color, and Nintendo DSI games) and I think you've got it!

Anonymous said...

Could we add riding a bike to that list that Beyonce is better at.I can not see any picture of beyonce now and not think of this site .Thanks Wig.

Now I have a request to make ,I am not very good at making videos and shit but could someone please make a video paying homage to Beyonce using Justin timberlake's song love stoned /I think that she knows interlude

Because I will be damned if Beyonce does not know that she has us love stoned.
I am a woman but her picture always pops into m,y head when i hear that interlude

Jaz said...

^^^compete in what?

because if you're think that alicia or rihanna are better than beyonce at mixed martial arts or holding their breath underwater or world of warcraft.....you're sadly mistaken.



-------------------------

You forgot Connect 4.

Anonymous said...

@JAZ
ahahahahha good one.really god one
Beyoncé's fan are crazy.
And biking
and holla hoop
:D

Anonymous said...

haha yeah, not to mention: street racing, double dutch, and sodoku

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...

I rest my case.

Beyonce fan video.
Ciara fan video.

MJ said...

Anonymous said...
So she is just trying to pick a fight with anyone these days to try and sell a record now huh?

it makes me SICK how (evil white) people like to see black women pitted against each other. And how shameless and ignorant this bitch is to just go along with their racist stereotypes to make a buck. I like "knock you down" and i could have been a fan of hers but now whenever I hear her name I just get angry. I don't care about Riri or Cassie, but what a shameless whore.





^^
I had no idea Keri was an evil white person.

The more you know...
*star shoots across screen*

Trisha said...

^^^
well in all fairness, Keri does look like an evil white girl in her picture.

Anonymous said...

The more you know...
*star shoots across screen*
------------------------

(DEAD)

Summer said...

It'sJustTheInternetSilly said...
I rest my case.

Beyonce fan video.
Ciara fan video.

-----------------------------------
DEAD! the Ciara video killed it and not in a good way.

Anonymous said...

omg, Beyonceitis you must see this site www.popslut-thepopwhore.blogspot.com

they get at r'n'b singers almost as hard and as meanly as you do.

Anonymous said...

im wondering whether skeri has such little confidence in herself that she believes associating with other artists is the only way she will sell records, or if she truly belives shes the sh*t?...



and im also wondering why britney gets away with selling herself successfully with little to no talent, but when c-error tries it he has a hard time convincing people???

Anonymous said...

Beyonce is the #4 most influential Celebrity according to FORBES



Rank Name Pay ($mil) Web Rank Press Rank TV Rank
1 Angelina Jolie 27 3 5 3
2 Oprah Winfrey 275 4 8 2
3 Madonna 110 9 6 8
4 Beyonce Knowles 87 2 20 16
5 Tiger Woods 110 54 4 4
6 Bruce Springsteen 70 32 19 25
7 Steven Spielberg 150 48 26 48
8 Jennifer Aniston 25 6 30 21
9 Brad Pitt 28 11 7 6
10 Kobe Bryant 45 53 10 15
11 Will Smith 45 37 18 17
12 Dr. Phil McGraw 80 74 55 10
13 Britney Spears 35 10 16 11
14 David Letterman 45 35 36 9
15 Coldplay 70 64 17 57
16 Adam Sandler 55 25 43 44
17 Harrison Ford 65 13 48 75
18 Michael Jordan 45 19 33 39
19 LeBron James 40 58 15 27
20 Tom Cruise 33 33 13 19
21 Bon Jovi 50 20 57 50
22 Donald Trump 50 57 47 26
23 Rush Limbaugh 54 80 45 22
24 George Lucas 170 71 65 85
25 Simon Cowell 75 62 97 40

H.C said...

number 4 on Forbes ( 4 seems to be her lucky number) with 87 millions & she's on the cover & did you guys read the article? it says:
"Thanks to her popularity and clout, Beyoncé splits the profits with Columbia, a deal reserved for A-list performers"
Beyonceitis is right, she IS the game!

Jaz said...

she is the only black woman in the top ten with oprah. holy sh*t!

Anonymous said...

take to another level
congrats queen bey!

Violet said...

you beyonce stans are pathetic.

majority of you whores are black women and gay black men.

you always putting down other black female artists.

why cant all black female artists do their thang without you hating ass uncle tom willie lynch mofos?

no wonder black people cant overcome shit, they cant stick together!

Anonymous said...

beyonceitis YOU ARE BEING SWAGGGGGGGGGER JACKED, u must c 4 urself www.popslut-thepopwhore.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

LOL Violet. How you find your way on here? Lol.
So I take it when white ppl on TMZ and Just Jared and Perez are "hating" and making jokes on Kate Gosselin, or Paris, or Brit Brit, or Eminem or Miley or the Jo Bros or Jessica Biel or Jen Anniston or Angelina Jolie they aren't "sticking" together! Hahahaha. Black ppl are STUPID!!!!!!

White folk bad mouth white celebs the SAME way you DUMB SHIT!

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動物占い said...

あなたの性格を、動物に例えて占っちゃいます。もしかしたらこんな動物かも!?動物占いをうまく使って、楽しい人間関係を築いてください

家出 said...

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セレブラブ said...

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夏フェス!! said...

夏フェス一緒に行ってくれる人募集!!夏の思い出一緒につくろぉ☆ megumi-0830@docomo.ne.jp 連絡してね♪

無料ゲーム said...

あなたのゲーマー度を無料ゲーム感覚で測定します。15個の質問に答えるだけの簡単測定で一度遊んでみませんか?ゲームが得意な人もそうでない人もぜひどうぞ。

素人 said...

Hな女性たちは素人ホストを自宅やホテルに呼び、ひとときの癒しを求めていらっしゃいます。当サイトでは男性ホスト様の人員が不足しており、一日3~4人の女性の相手をするホストもおられます。興味を持たれた方は当サイトにぜひお越しください

出会い系 said...

実は出会い系には…関係者用入り口があるのを知っていますか?広告主やスポンサー用に用意されたIDではサクラや業者が立ち入ることが出来ないようになっているのです。当サイトでは極秘に入手した関係者用URLが公開されています

逆援助 said...

男性はお金、女性は快楽を得る逆援助に興味はありませんか?お金を払っても性的欲求を満たしたいセレブ達との割り切り1日のお付き合いで当サイトでは大金を得ることができます。無料登録なのでアルバイト感覚でOK、詳しくはTOPページでどうぞ。

友達募集 said...

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家出 said...

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人妻 said...

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素人 said...

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友達募集中 said...

少し魅惑な自分をネットだから公開してみました。普段言えない事など、思い切って告白しているプロフなので興味ある方はぜひ除いてみてください連絡待ってまぁす。 hinyaaaaa@docomo.ne.jp

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