Before you begin clutching your Dereon pearls and before you get overcome by the vapors, allow me to explain.
I was banned from BeyonceWorld.
I, imaginary friend of Sasha Fierce, imaginary keeper of Beyonce's wigs, and imaginary organizer of Beyonce's birth control pills, have been banned from a Beyonce message board.
Banning me from BeyonceWorld is like banning Tina Knowles from BeyonceWorld, because she is the only other person in the world who has fought harder for the advancement of Creole people, and she's the only other person aside from me who is likely to stab somebody for talking slick about Beyonce.
I'm sure you are asking how can the owner of a site called "Beyonceitis" get banned from a Beyonce message board. How can those fothermuckers ban a person who has done for Beyonce what Martin did for the people? Yet I find myself banned from the premises of BeyonceWorld. They kicked me out. They Cranked that LaTavia on me. They told me to get my shit and get out!.
The truth is I asked to be banned. At BeyonceWorld when irrational and delusional stans start to get on your nerves you can't delete yourself like you can at Janet Xone. The only way out is:
1. Don't sign in.
2. Get yourself banned.
And BeyonceWorld is like crack rock. It's bad for you and will probably kill you in the long run, but it is so addicting. I could not stop myself from logging in so my only way out was to get myself banned.
So how did I get myself banned?
Did I call the board moderator a "self-sucking son of a bitch"?
Maybe I did. A lot of things were said in the heat of the moment, who can remember who said what.
Did I post pictures of freakishly large penises?
That depends of your definition of "large". Beyonce might not think they were too large, too big, too wide, or too skrong, but then again her first time was with Jay-Z and we all know he as the Loch Ness monster in his pants so her definition of a large ding-a-ling maybe different from yours.
But, as I do in every post, I digress.
I had good reason to commit message board suicide. I know your eyeballs are getting tired from processing all of these words, so to make a long story short allow me to present to you:
7 Reasons Why I Hate Beyonce Stans:
1. Beyonce is always pregnant.
Whenever Beyonce does something different from what is expected then Beyonce stans say it's because she's pregnant. If she doesn't walk the red carpet it's because she's pregnant. If she skips the Grammy Awards it's because she's pregnant. If she starts her tour in Canada it's not because of the shitty economy in other parts of the world but because she is pregnant and is trying to get the tour over before her water breaks in her Dereon Jeans. Our nation is in a recession because Beyonce is secretly pregnant. In the minds of Beyonce stans all of the world's problems are because of Beyonce's uterus.
2. They're Ugly.
Ok. Ugly is a little harsh, and I usually don't believe in using that word. I feel that we are all beautiful gifts from Virgo, but I got tired of looking at oversized pictures of busted-looking Beyonce fans. I'm just saying I shouldn't have to scroll past 48 big-ass pictures of monkeys, chimps, gremlins, lions, tigers, and bears just to read Beyonce news.
3. Beyonce Stans Act Like She's Janet/Ciara/Ashanti
Beyonce stans act like Beyonce is an artist starving for attention or a comeback, so if by chance she is not on everybody's talk show, morning show, late show, award show, fashion show, and dog show then they make it seem as though she doesn't care about her career and is being lazy. They ignore the fact that she stayed in the Top 5on the album charts for months and had 4 songs in rotation at a time when some popular artists can't get one song played. They ignore the fact that there are a million behind-the-scenes things that have to be done before you go on tour. Dancers have to rehearse, stages have to be built, wigs have to be curled, chicken has to be seasoned. It's nonstop work. Beyonce fans always seem know what she should be doing with her career. I just hope some of them get jobs at Def Jam (well, the ones who don't already work at Def Jam)
4. Humor = Bad/Haters and Free Advertising = Good
It's ok for stans of other artists to advertise, it's ok for overweight queens with learning disabilities to advertise video blogs hating on Beyonce, and it's ok for MediaTakeOut and your favorite blogger's favorite blogger to steal news from BeyonceWorld. There are members who have flat out called Beyonce fat and dumb and have not be banned, but if you call a board member "bald-headed" (which some of them are) or if you call the moderator gay (which he probably is) then you get banned quicker than you can say "Uh Uh Oh".
5. BeyonceWorld was Turning into RihannaWorld
As much as I am annoyed when people bring up Beyonce's name out of context to hate on her, I would be a hyprocrite if I didn't point out that certain Beyonce fans feel the need to evoke the spirit of Miss Fenty in conversations that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with her. I have acknowledged that Rihanna is competition, but I don't need to bring her into situations that have nothing to do with her.
6. Stans Want to Have Their Popeye's Chicken and Eat It Too
Beyonce stans want Beyonce to be a ground-breaking, cutting edge artist who is at the top of her game, but part of being groundbreaking means taking risks, and some Beyonce stans only support those risks if the it turns out to be successful. They don't like or dislike things on based on their own tastes or opinons, they like or dislike things based on the potential for hate or potential for bragging rights. For example, if Beyonce started wearing a hats made out of dildoes they would hate. But if everybody else starts wearing the those same people will act like they were up on dildo hats before everybody. So in simpler terms a lot of Beyonce stans are stans only when it's convenient to them. As I have said numerous times before, I would rather look at something that Beyonce does, understand it, and still hate it because I truly hate it, rather than not understand it, and just like it just because other people like it.
7. You Start to Think That Sasha is Not So Fierce
If you spend an extended amount of time with Beyonce stans arguing from the comfort their dorm rooms or grandmother's basements you begin to question why you like Beyonce in the first place. I mean if she's as great as you think she is, how did she manage attract such shit heads as her fans? I like Beyonce, does that mean I'm a shit head too? As much as you believe in Sasha Fierce and all that she can do for you, after arguing, defending, and explaining things all day you just get tired of her fans and sometimes, you get tired of her.
To sum it all up, Beyonce stans could find a way to fuck up a wet dream, and because of the above reasons, I felt that it was time for me to leave BeyonceWorld, and I will admit, that it has been fun getting Beyonce news without the added and unnecessary commentary.
It was fun watching the Oscars without:
"Why is Jay not there?"
"Why doesn't he support his wife?"
"He probably somewhere creepin' on Beyonce, that farm-faced bastard..."
"You think they got into a fight?
"I didn't want them to get married anyway."
"What are the Oscars?"
"Is "Single Ladies" nominated for an Oscar?"
"Do you think she'll perform "Diva" at the Oscars?"
"Do you think she'll go into labor on stage, since she is pregnant?"
I will still continue to give glory and send praises to Sasha Fierce. I'll get good and liquored up so that I can sit through "Obsessed". And I plan to see the Sasha Fierce Tour a couple of times
I think message boards and blogs are a very important tool for artists and fans. I don't think any person should live in a bubble where they are shut off from other's people's opinions and criticism because some of it is constructive, and I'm sure Beyonce and/or some of her people have learned from fans' comments and suggestions.
I just no longer feel the need to be reminded of the negative side to being a stan. The ignorance, hypocrisy, and delusion required to be a stan of ANY artist. Most rabid fans of most popular artists are annoying. You can go to any message board of ANY artist and get annoyed after awhile.
I miss the days when I wasn't checking Billboard charts or ticket sales. I miss the days when I didn't know shit. Granted Beyonce is a top-selling artist, but I don't consider myself a bandwagon fan so my appreciation of her is not based on numbers. I liked "Work It Out" and damn it, I liked "Ring the Alarm" (you can kiss my ass that was a hot song). Although I have spent a considerable amount of time giving reasons why Beyonce is better than you at everything, I got tired of debating Beyonce with other Beyonce fans. If I wanted to read ignorant Beyonce comments I could just go to YouTube. In my opinion, not everything she says or does should spark a 67-page discussion (which is why I don't post everyday). And once you find yourself having defend something you like all the time, it begins feeling like work instead of entertainment.
If I have learned anything from the Beyonceitis outbreak it's that career security is not guaranteed. Just because you are hot today does not mean you will be hot tomorrow, and as a fan of Sasha Fierce, I would rather spend this time enjoying an artist in her prime rather than argue about her all day.
So from this day on I will no longer refer to myself as a "Beyonce Stan".
I am a "Sasha Fierce Support Representative".
I don't mean any harm.
I just want to be entertained.